gypsy13

hi. im gypsy. im 31 and have fallen further then ive ever been before. things are so ugly.....i been smokin weed daily since i was 13.. that was never the issue.... im just one of those girls that jumps into everything with both feet. ill try anything once and if i like it ill try it again.
as of the past year... my life has gone through some serious changes. all dramatic. i have two small children ages 6 and 8... my lifestyle is now effecting theirs.....Alot! ive fallen into all forms of cocaine.....im playin with heroin. ill take anything anyone will give me just to forget who i am for awhile.......but now ive forgotten all.....my house is tore up... my kids are not as comfortable as they should be. my job.... its here and there, back on all my bills by mnths......ever see a 2,500.00 gas bill? i got one. im also back 4 mnths on rent and facing eviction......... it all revolves around my addictions to drugs.
my boyfriend and i are new together (just about a year new)... we started our addictions to this together....(well, we picked um back up.. we both had previous issues with them) he has physical pain issues..... and i... emotional issues. i feel I need to quit, NOW! he also feels its all outta hand but fears the pain hes in when sober.
so here i am... trying to do this on my own.. i cant publicly attend na meetings because of the situation im in.....and i sure as hell cant do this on my own.. i need to have some help...somewhere...preferably those nights when he's gonna be up all night and i cant go into the bedroom without being assaulted by drugs i WANT to do. figure those nights, maybe a chat with someone whose been there will eat up time. (i also am dying to know why i let myself fall into this situation.)

now that ive destroyed my life.... im hopeing i can find a way to start a new one.
thanks for being here and i hope to get to know ya all soon.
best blessings
gypsy

Dee74

why cant you 'publicly attend na meetings because of the situation' you're in Gypsy? ....

D

Oddman

Welcome. My drug of choice is alcohol. I knew if I tried anything harder I would be seduced to that addiction. I hope you find help. This is my second day sober. Hard with a fridge full of beers. I just have been reading a lot. What situation are you in to not attend a meeting. Mine is that I haven't worked up the nerve. Mine is a lame situation right? Welcome!

gypsy13

im in the public eye in my city. i also have family members that are stirrin up trouble and they will do anything to cramp a girls style...... they sooo just make me run for a fix. best i do this quite like.

Dee74

hmm...OK. I can't really take issue with you seeings as I'm not in AA or NA...

but...I think we both agree you need to do something, for yourself and your kids - and while talking with others here will help, just be warned I've seen all too often it just isn't enough....

If you're like most of us, you're likely gonna have to weigh up the public issue against how bad you want to get clean sometime, you know?

best of luck and welcome anyway
D

gypsy13

so this is a waste of my time??
im hopeless unless i go to a meeting or see a dr.?
gawds this was the wrong day to quit!

thanks for the welcome anyhow......guess ill just go cry into the hell ive made.

Taking5

You can quit without a Dr. or without NA, others have, but why? the A in NA stands for anonymous, as in people don't talk about who they see there or what happens there. The Dr. is needed for your health.

"Crying in the hell that you've made" will likely lead to more use, IMHO.

Dee74

that's not what I said.
It's possible to get clean in secret - people have done it.
It's possible to get sober just by coming here - I know that because I haven't drunk in 14 months thanks to SR.

But sadly I'm in the minority - and I also made my struggle public, and moved towns and cut out people in my life, to do it.

I've never heard of anyone doing it any way when something else - reputation or whatever - was more important than getting clean tho. It's got to be priority #1.

Sorry if I upset you. I'll be glad to admit I'm wrong when you do it your way - seriously

this is a good site. I'll leave you alone and you'll find lots of other good folks here

D

kj0975

Sometimes a Dr can make w/d's easier and sometimes being around and seeing other people kick the habit lets you know their is hope for you too. As in NA/AA. I'm not comfortable either going to meetings. What you really need is a strong determination and alot of will power to stop. If you have both of those your off to a great start. It wont be easy but it can be done and there are alot of people here who have kicked without the help of a Dr or NA/AA. I quit the pills on willpower. When you have a craving get on here and read and post and it will help you get through it. One day at a time you will make it for you, your kids, your family. Your first step was admitting you have a problem and you want to quit, thats the best step yet. You will need to stay hydrated and might want to get some immodium, some magazines, advil for the pain, lots of hot baths will help with the muscles too. Vitamins will help also.

It will last about 4-5 days tell people you have the flu and your BF not to do the drugs around you and if he cant respect your wishes on getting clean maybe he should leave. I know I couldnt have stopped if it was around me especially once in full withdrawls. Make this your online diary you will be helping people knowing that if you can do it so can they. There is a better life out there and feeling like crap for a week is well worth it. You gotta stay viligant in your recovery cause you will get cravings and its hell. Come here and share and keep on trying. Thats the best you can do right now to make your life better. PM if you need to talk.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

First of all, please know there is hope. You are seeking help and that's great. It sounds like you know what you need to do for yourself and your family.

I think you can do this, if you really want to, but you have to put your sobriety first. I hope you will keep reading and posting.

gypsy13

well i made it over 24 hrs.......course i slept for 12 of them. woke up and im a mess. aint got a dime for milk and bread..........(if i was after a fix id be able to find the cash or at least get a front. why dont grocers do that for ya?) i'm crying and screaming on my family.....my guy said if i clean up a little around here it will make me feel better and take up a buncha time. (i want kerosene and a match to clean this place up)
i think kj0975 has me pinned......im not in a position to be as open as some are.. im not willing to play Christan for anyone and ive been to aa, na, and oa. got the book read it worked it... hated it. some things just aint for everyone. but if i can jurnal here... or have someone to talk to around here every now and then.. ya know... to get me through the moment....id appricate it.
so i guess ill deal with the "flu" and try not to kill anyone while im at it. thanks guys.

jodyjody

Good morning Gypsy. I completely understand what you're going through. I'm tapering off of a norco addiction now. My husband, mom and sister know only because they found the pills. I'm 37, a stay at home mom with a beautiful 2 yr. old girl and amazing 6 month old boy.
This was a relapse for me.
The first time I quit, 6 years ago, I did it on my own. Well, almost. I had a dr. prescribe me some meds to make wd easier. And I did tell a couple of friends so that I would be held accountable. It was hard but I did it. The only problem is that I didn't have the tools to deal with the things later on that got me back in the same boat again ( a few months ago). I still haven't been to a meeting but I plan on going this week. I don't know if I'll share or not but I just have to see faces that understand. This board is amazing. It just feels so good to know we are not alone.
I'm thinking of you and praying for you.
You can pm me if you want to talk.
hugs to you,
Jody

gypsy13

thanks doll.
good vibes are always welcome. ill be sending you the same. this mom stuffs hard.....i came from nothing (i lived on the street). got pregnant and in 7 mnths built this home, and a life for myself and my family. ran it clean in a good town for 8 years. and in 7 mnths time ive torn it all down. everything i touch i seem to destroy. be it sub conscious or not ive done it. seems theres something going on that ive been trying to forget. but now i gotta get the juice outta my system and try and remember what was going on in my life that bugged me so.
im glad im not alone in this.....cause i know what took a year to skin me alive will take a life time to patch back together. its too hard to walk it alone. i prefer the easy things in life.......

Daddio

Hey Gypsy. Congrats on your first night. If you haven't already done so you might want to have a little emergency number handy in case things get a little dicey for you. But other than that, you can do this on your own. SR is open 24/7 so keep posting.

As for the "Christian" thing. Well, here you will find folks that are anywhere from Atheist to solid Christians believers (That would be me me BTW and I don't use the term HP. HP to me is a computer. LOL). I personally will never push my religious beliefs on you. However, I do pray for all of my Brothers and Sisters here on a daily (sometimes more) basis and you are now included. I really want you to beat this addiction, and I know that you can. And tell that SO of yours to either cut bait or fish. He either needs be a part of your solution or he's gonna be a continuation of your "Hell".

Peace.

SoBearish

Welcome Gypsy13

Good job on the 24 hours - every bit counts.

From your description you have dug yourself deep. However your posting here with us so you can still see the light.

As you know you will have to change your habits which is daunting to say the least. But you can do it. One bad habit at a time.

Do you have a work space or vanity that you sit at often? I wrote a list of things I want to change, and a list of things I'm grateful for, and I taped them to the wall on either side of my computer moniter.

A lot of people have come back from worse places you're in. Coming here is a great 1st step. Keep it up!!!

gypsy13

been here all mourning.......that evil taste is still in my mouth.... been trying to flush it out with cig's and coffee....doesnt help much. but im Still Here. *smiles* and by the way.... chills suck too!! it's high noon in summertime and i got the chills. *rolls eyes*
thanks for the encouragement and good vibes... i dont care what denomination your from... good vibes are the best!! maybe thats what ill get tattooed on my knuckles.... GOOD VIBES...
*raises eyebrow* (one to many letters)
well, thanks for the love. think ill snoop around your board a bit and see what i can see. buncha good folk here i've noticed already. peace guys!

Daddio

Hey Gypsy. It's hard to get a rid of a toxic taste with another toxic substance (as I drink my Grande cup of Joe). But the cigs -whole nutter story. What kid of tats are you currently sporting? I can foresee yet another new one: "I Beat This SOB"!!!!!

kj0975

Oh the metalic taste yes I do remember that. Your lucky you could sleep at all. I think I was up for days straight. Sucked. Take it easy on your family and tell your SO if he wants the house clean you will be more than happy to sit back and let him clean it himself. Is he supporting you? Is he stopping too? You just relax and do only what you can. Take a hot shower for the chills I literally lived in the bathroom for the first few days. 24hrs is GREAT!!!

gypsy13

ohhh i like that.......still got some room on me somewhere.....*looks around* that could be a good one.
im currently "sporting" the "tattooed" look. (or at least getting there.....still got a arm and my legs.... oh and belly and middle back to get worked on... but most are planned to be done.....only a few spaces that arent reserved.
maybe ill show you my photobucket account sometime....*smiles*
as for the cigs......i gotta keep some vices...dont i?

gypsy13

yeah i NEED a shower.......................i look like hell. i havent paid attention to myself in....gawds... i cant remmber.