Daddio

Hey Florida. I just got home from work and read your thread. As Ro said, pour out the rest of the wine - even if it's one glass. Prove to yourself that you have the power. As for the other - well, if I were King for a day I would wisk away all of your troubles and make you free from everything that has happened. If I was there, well, you'd be amazed at what a 290 pound man can do!!!! But I'm not and I'm not so I can't do either.

All I can do is tell you that my heart aches for you and your pain. But before we can heal ourselves, we must forgive those that have offended us. I know that sounds like total BS, but just think about it for a moment. If you don't forgive, then you will habor all of that anger and agression towards that person(s) and you will never heal. Once you do though, some of the chains that bind you will be broken. And some of those chains are those that bind you to the drink. Please take this from a guy that has had to do some serious forgiveness.

Florida, if it means anything to you, I will pray extra hard tonight that God embrace you with his love and mercy and help you see your way to forgiveness and begin the healing process.

four812

hi flgirl,

I know what you mean about forgiving the person who hurt you. I have held on to my anger for many many years from my childehood abuser. the life i'm living now, the addiction, is maybe me recreating the shame, secrets, and at the same time excitement and relief from my insecurities.

it is so hard to feel the feelings. and they do just come up and they hurt and there is no where to go but the pain. i loike the suggestion of breathing in the pain. breathing. breathing all day. slowly. mindfully. and when I notice that i've drifted away from breathing like this I gently try to get back to it. but it is especially when I am feeling uncomfortable feelings that I most need to breathe like this because I want to feel the feelings jinstead of run from them. I really don't want to run anymore. I think i've been getting better at feeling these difficult feelings, but then I slipped a few times....

i'm going to try again. try harder. and when I feel uncomfortable I want to keep trying to simply let the uncomfortable feeling ride. it can't kill me. and If i can let it ride and get stronger at being able to do that then maybe I can break free from the addiction of alcohol/drugs.

thanks for your posting.

you have a lot of friends here and that must be a good feeling. I'm rooting for you for sure.

Ananda

an inventory is a review of our stock....our lives....there are things that i resent that i did not have a part in. I have much to learn from the expereinces...but do not necessarily have a part in....an inventory must be an HONEST evaluation.

The bb also speaks of the need for help outside of the fellowship of aa in the form of doctors and religiouis people.

I have learned much from my inventories. Prior to the inventory I must work steps 1, 2 and 3...1 i lived for years before I got sober...2 lead me to believe and have hope....3 was a decision that carried me forward.

We all expereince this process a little differently and use different words to describe it. I guess sometimes when i am in pain it is hard to get past the words to the expereince....but i always remember that all of us at SR are people dealing with our alchoholism to the best of our ability...thankful again tonight for this site.

Hang in there flgrl!

LosingmyMisery

The idea behind forgiveness is not to excuse another for their actions, but to free ourselves from the pain. Think of it as a form of freedom. Holding on to the pain is not punishing those who harmed us, but is punishing ourselves. Forgivness gives us permission to let go and to move away from the hurt and shame.

Dee74

Looks like this is another semantics thing LOL

For me it's not possible to forgive some people - maybe that's my loss - but I *can* stop myself from letting them hurt me over and over again every time I drink....I can see I was not to blame, I can free myself from those moments in time, and I can choose not to be a victim anymore.

I believe in not letting bad experiences in the past rule me. One day at a time works here too.

D

coming_clean

how hurtfull the memories might be, they are just memories. They happened in the past, and you live now, we're you can learn to cope with them in a healthy way. Don't get stuck in things long gone.

take care,

Emily2002

(((flgirl)))

Just letting you know I'm here this a.m. and will be checking in on you throughout the day...

Stay strong, and remember... baby steps.

Liz

resentful wife

I agree with Dee, there are some things that are unforgivable. I've had many bad things happen in my 54 years, they can be overwhelming lined up and looked at as a whole. What I found that helped me was to look at what part I may have played in any one of those events and if I could change it I did, if I couldn't change it I excepted only my share of the blame, forgave myself and then put it away as it no longer had a place in my life.The unforgivable things and the people that go along with them only have a very small room in my head under lock and key with a sign that says Under Repair. I have no intention of ever repairing them, but I refuse to let them define me anymore than they already have. I don't want to waste my time being angry or depressed over things I can't change. My day to day is hard enough without opening that door to see if the bad things are still there. And I know how it feels to have no one to talk to, I'm in that same boat. Your not a failure in any way as long as you keep trying, and your sponser isn't there to judge you she's there to help you recover.Good Luck and keep posting.
Linda

jane_668

Hey FLgirl,

Each and every one of us has faced situations that hurt badly in one way or another.What happened with you is not something special or more painful than anyone has ever endured.Trust me with that.These days nothing will surprise us any more when we accept the fact that we live in an imperfect feel.Sure we dream of a world full of love,happiness and security but reality is completely different.Reality bites.So please just know we're all facing many painful situations in the real world and we're making it through that.Life is always an option.You can either stop living by dwelling on your past and living in shame and tears or you can accept what happened as an accident that will happen at any time .Accept that it's place is the past.If it's till happening taht what can you do to change that?The moment you accept it ,the moment you'll feel free.You can then move on with your life by dealing with it.therapy helps a lot.And please know that whatever happened is NOT Your Fault.You are in No Way responsible for the consequences even if you were living a careless or responsible life.As they say,the best way to overcome something is to get through it.We actually don't have other option.The best way to beat an addiction is to endure Wds and PAWS just as you have to bear some pain to get over this issue. All the pain you'll face when facing your fear /guilt/shame is nothing compared to the pain of surrendering and living a hopeless life .YOu can chose to live as a victim your whole life or you can turn your situation upside down.every journey starts with baby steps.We're all here with you and supporting.Whatever you do,we'll be right here to back you up.You'll never be alone.So com'on girl stand up for your self and start again.So can we start counting?
Love
Jane

least

Good morning Florida Girl! I hope you got a decent night's sleep. I hope you woke up not hating yourself. This is a new day and you can make the most of it. I went to bed last night thinking of you and praying for you. I hope you can find some peace of mind. I hope you can forgive yourself for your slip. I hope you can trust us when we tell you that we love you and don't hold your mistakes against you. None of us are perfect. Remember, progress not perfection.

I'll be thinking of you today. I'll be hoping for the best for you. Please be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and stars, you have a right to be here.

lots of love,

:ghug3

Honu

Hey there! I'm sorry I haven't been around in a while. I kept my computer unplugged during all of the storms we have had here. It was kind of refreshing to be unattached to this keyboard for a while, too.

I am so sorry you have gone through this. I am hopeful that today, you feel much better, and that the prayers you have had coming your way are working their "magic"!! I understand the resentment toward people who have harmed you, but, everyone here is right, you simply can't harbor the resentment. They don't have any idea about it, and the only person it affects, is you.

That's easier said than done, I agree! But, keep trying, keep praying, and just know that you are not alone.

Hugs to you!

Honu

HeavyJ

Good Morning!

Heavy is here, hope you made it through the night O.K.

flgirl

I cannot begin to thank you all.

least

Your gratitude is not necessary but is much appreciated. Remember, we're a bunch of addicts helping each other and ourselves at the same time. We've all been where you are now and understand it, and love you just the same!

:ghug3

HeavyJ

I agree with Least, We are all in similar boats helping eachother.

Just remember this isn't supposed to be easy, there will be peaks and valley's Last night you were just in a valley, now let's have some coffee this morning and climb up to the next peak!

Heavy

four812

this is really a wonderful thread.

with love and support for flgirl
and a lot of great insight and experience
and different angles of suggestions

for me, I cannot put a value on the pain that you feel. I mean i don't know if it's worse than someone elses or whose pain is the worst. there are some people who seem to have had it a lot worse than me.

several years back, one of my childrens friends (a boy) had a lot of problems. then I heard through the grapevine that he was sodomized over a period of time by an adult in his life. he was living with his grandma and grandpa. He was about 6 years old when I met him. the story had quite an impact upon me, and I tried my hardest to be forgiving of his antisocial behavior and even more I put myself out there as a support person for him in his life during the times that he played with my kids.

now he is about 16 years old. he's doing pretty good although I don't know him very well. I see him on bowling leagues with my kids. Always go up to him and support him. he always reminds me of my own childhood pain.

parentrecovers

support out to you, flgirl. we're listening ..

hugs, k

LogCabin

The last two meetings I have attended had the topic of "fear". It is a good topic.

Please don't beat yourself up over slipping. It happens. What is important now is what you do moving forward.

I have slipped a lot in my years of recovery. And I can tell you that it NEVER helped me. Only made things worse. So for me...being clean and sober feels so good.

As far as facing the pain, guilt, misery, anger, and fear of what is harming you...I hope you can find forgiveness for yourself, and to whomever, or whatever caused you harm. We all have pain and guilt, but we have to learn to see it, and forgive it, or it can take us back out, as you have now seen.

We are only as sick as our secrets.... (please find someone to talk to about this. I am also pro therapy, and whatever it takes to stay clean and sober.)

Tazman53

flgirl, I love you, we love you, your sponsor loves you, if you have not called her please do, she can be of no help if you do not let her. Share what is eating at you, she may very well suggest you seek professional help, she may have been through it herself. SHe may know someone who has. Beating your self help is useless, what does it accomplish? Learn from it, take actions where needed and move forward.

BTW use your network, people give you thier number because they would like for you to call them when you need them. You help them by calling just as much as they can help you.

least

I was thinking about your slip, and so many of mine, and found myself remembering how every time I slipped I felt worse and hated myself more for my lapse. I always felt so sick, during and after, and wondered why the hell I kept drinking again when it felt so awful. I don't have an answer to that question yet. I haven't the slightest idea why my good sense didn't triumph over the stress and triggers. I still don't know. I only know that I have to learn from my last relapse. I have to learn how to avoid that happening again.

So when you think back over your slip, try to figure out why you chose to drink, even knowing the hard truth. If I come up with any answers I'll share them. No matter what, we're in this trip together.:ghug