I blew it
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
You are harder on yourself than I was ever on myself... and I thought I was the queen of the Flagellators. You must somehow work thru these 'issues' that are plagueing you. It would seem that these are also triggers to drink. So you have to, somehow, talk out these issues before they do you more harm.
I see a counselor every week or two and her boss, the shrink, every couple months. I depend on them to give me experienced feedback and offer solutions and ideas I don't have myself. I don't want to see you drown in your self loathing, as I have so often drowned in mine, so please seek some professional help with these issues that trigger you to do things you don't really want to do.
And for heaven's sake, stop beating yourself up so bad!! You are just like the rest of us: a human being with human failings. Get up, dust yourself off, seek more help, and forgive yourself and start over. I have done that more times than I'm proud to relate, but there's nothing else I can do. If God forgives me, then who am I to with hold forgiveness from myself?
You've had a good trial run, now you can really run the race - you know what the track looks like!
lots of love and understanding,
least xoxo:ghug3
I see a counselor every week or two and her boss, the shrink, every couple months. I depend on them to give me experienced feedback and offer solutions and ideas I don't have myself. I don't want to see you drown in your self loathing, as I have so often drowned in mine, so please seek some professional help with these issues that trigger you to do things you don't really want to do.
And for heaven's sake, stop beating yourself up so bad!! You are just like the rest of us: a human being with human failings. Get up, dust yourself off, seek more help, and forgive yourself and start over. I have done that more times than I'm proud to relate, but there's nothing else I can do. If God forgives me, then who am I to with hold forgiveness from myself?
You've had a good trial run, now you can really run the race - you know what the track looks like!
lots of love and understanding,
least xoxo:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Southern Oregon
Posts: 86
I've been thinking this lately....and thought this was a good place to express it.
I have so much respect for recovering alcoholics. Immense respect. I'm quitting pills and have so many weak moments. If my doctor wasn't notified and I hadn't called all the pharmacies, who knows what I would do.
But if I had to endure watching someone pop pills with dinner, walk down aisles and aisles of pills in the grocery store and watch ads on tv about the new great tasting norco.....I'd never make it. So....you went 27 days without a drink even though you had to see it and knew it was completely available to you. That's huge. I relapsed myself. That's why I'm in this boat. Let's just remember how crappy this feels take it with us and go forward.
I'll pray for you.
I have so much respect for recovering alcoholics. Immense respect. I'm quitting pills and have so many weak moments. If my doctor wasn't notified and I hadn't called all the pharmacies, who knows what I would do.
But if I had to endure watching someone pop pills with dinner, walk down aisles and aisles of pills in the grocery store and watch ads on tv about the new great tasting norco.....I'd never make it. So....you went 27 days without a drink even though you had to see it and knew it was completely available to you. That's huge. I relapsed myself. That's why I'm in this boat. Let's just remember how crappy this feels take it with us and go forward.
I'll pray for you.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
Florida Girl, see how we all want to love and support you? With as many people defending you against yourself. do you get the feeling that you're in the wrong to be so mean to yourself? You should. We are all friends here, friends with a common goal: To get and stay sober and/or to encourage others to do the same.
You've been a great help to me, after my constant relapses, so now be a great help to yourself.
I think you're really a lovely person. No matter what. I love my friends for who they are, not who they wish to be.
Cut yourelf some slack, please? And oh yes, pour out the wine. I've poured out many a dollar of wine. But I'm learning all the time. You can too. I have faith in you.:ghug3
You've been a great help to me, after my constant relapses, so now be a great help to yourself.
I think you're really a lovely person. No matter what. I love my friends for who they are, not who they wish to be.
Cut yourelf some slack, please? And oh yes, pour out the wine. I've poured out many a dollar of wine. But I'm learning all the time. You can too. I have faith in you.:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,397
(((flgirl)))
I'll chime in, too, and encourage you to dump your glass and the rest of the bottle if it's not gone already.
You're so incredibly worth it.
Please go to bed knowing that we're all here for you. We'll be here in the morning, too, to lift you up when you're feeling low.
The thing is -- you can do this. You CAN be sober, and you CAN work on your feelings about the past if you take the first step. Asking for help can be frightening and embarrassing. Once it's done, though, you'll probably feel so incredibly relieved. I know from experience, flgirl, believe me.
Oh, and BTW... Reading your post earlier helped me to put down a drink. Empathy can do that, you know? You're definitely not alone.
I'll chime in, too, and encourage you to dump your glass and the rest of the bottle if it's not gone already.
You're so incredibly worth it.
Please go to bed knowing that we're all here for you. We'll be here in the morning, too, to lift you up when you're feeling low.
The thing is -- you can do this. You CAN be sober, and you CAN work on your feelings about the past if you take the first step. Asking for help can be frightening and embarrassing. Once it's done, though, you'll probably feel so incredibly relieved. I know from experience, flgirl, believe me.
Oh, and BTW... Reading your post earlier helped me to put down a drink. Empathy can do that, you know? You're definitely not alone.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 353
Flgirl,
you were one of the first to respond to my first message here. I have a special place for you. Please be strong and listen to what our friends are saying... I need you to pull through. Because of your first hello, I am still doing great! I'm thinking positive about you now, and I know you will do the right things..
Heavy
you were one of the first to respond to my first message here. I have a special place for you. Please be strong and listen to what our friends are saying... I need you to pull through. Because of your first hello, I am still doing great! I'm thinking positive about you now, and I know you will do the right things..
Heavy
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
You are not a failure
You just hit a bump on your road to recovery.
Go on and finish the wine ..no leftovers
to start tomorrow with.
Don't drive...your anxiety issues over that
are in full bloom just now.
Prayers and
You just hit a bump on your road to recovery.
Go on and finish the wine ..no leftovers
to start tomorrow with.
Don't drive...your anxiety issues over that
are in full bloom just now.
Prayers and
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
Whatever the issue is consider that you have already lived thru it. That alone shows strength and courage.
You will be alright. Be gentle with yourself. We are with you and we care. Maybe call someone or just stay here with us. Keep posting.
You will be alright. Be gentle with yourself. We are with you and we care. Maybe call someone or just stay here with us. Keep posting.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
You may not know it but you are a great source of inspiration to me! And all I can tell you besides that is that you have many loving friends here. All of them willing to walk beside you (in cyber space) in your journey to sobriety. I for one am glad to have your company!!:ghug3
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
A little late, but may I add my love and caring as well, flgirl. I always enjoy your posts and you've been a great addition to our SR family. I doubt that there's one of us who haven't had a setback or two. I'm one of those who tortured myself with awful memories to the point that I was living in the past most of the time, constantly buffering myself from reality with booze. As was already mentioned, when we numb ourselves against our pain we cease to move past it - we're stuck on square one, spinning our wheels. You will do this, I know you're ready. Maybe things needed to come to a head like this - don't look at it as defeat, but a chance to confront these things that are tormenting you. We all care and will be here to help in any way you need us to. Love, Joanie
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
:ghug2You are a strong woman...the strongest thing we sometimes do is allow others to see us vunerable.
Hold on to something you love, sleep tight and remember we are all here for you...if you get scared in the night there will probably be some brits and aussies on here too!!!!!! sometimes the time difference is a good thing right!
Hold on to something you love, sleep tight and remember we are all here for you...if you get scared in the night there will probably be some brits and aussies on here too!!!!!! sometimes the time difference is a good thing right!
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
You didn't blow it!
As several people have pointed out you did something that every single person who logs in on SR has done . . . turned to alcohol/drugs to numb your pain.
You may not realize it now, but you are fortunate in the fact that you know why you bought a bottle and drank. Many times that I had a little time built up, I would use and honestly not know what happened. . . what was behind the feelings that sent me right back to my comfort zone.
The best thing you can do for yourself, after you pour out the rest of the bottle is to realize that you are human, you made a mistake. You have to forgive yourself and move on.
I would encourage you to find someone who you feel comfortable with to begin to share what is haunting you. I held so many things inside me for so many years out of fear of being rejected . . I was ashamed of the things that had happened to me. Then I realized . . . what happened to me was not my fault therefore, how can I blame myself? And that's what I was doing . . . I was ashamed and blaming myself for something someone did to me. I think you should let your Sponsor know asap. The longer you hold on to not telling her, the harder it will be. I don't think you need to keep any more secrets do you? Your Sponsor, of all people, should understand.
I journal and have since day one of my Recovery. It's a wonderful way to get things out. All of my "secrets that I have revealed" have originally came out on paper. It also helps me when I'm having feelings that I can't identify, it's like the emotions suddenly identify themselves.
Hang in there, Honey, your human . . . you're not perfect and no one expects you to be.
God Bless,
Judy
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Langley, BC
Posts: 1,007
Flgirl,
you had a drink and now you're back to day one.....you're not the only one! AND you threw the rest of it out?? that's nowhere near being weak - pretty strong I would say. I'm sorry that you're going through things that have gone on in the past - that just makes staying on track so much harder. As you can see from all the above posts, you are certainly loved on this site. I hope you are able to find a better way to deal with things - I just wish I knew what that was.
you had a drink and now you're back to day one.....you're not the only one! AND you threw the rest of it out?? that's nowhere near being weak - pretty strong I would say. I'm sorry that you're going through things that have gone on in the past - that just makes staying on track so much harder. As you can see from all the above posts, you are certainly loved on this site. I hope you are able to find a better way to deal with things - I just wish I knew what that was.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Southern New Hampshire
Posts: 746
Originally Posted by flgirl 
Pinkcuda,
Does that extend to the people who have done us harm? I was not drinking when the harm was done. I should just accept that? I will not.
Does that extend to the people who have done us harm? I was not drinking when the harm was done. I should just accept that? I will not.
The steps will get you clear of this resentment.
Today's Muse
Join Date: May 2007
Location: West end
Posts: 1,081
As a fellow alcoholic, of course I can relate to drinking to forget. However, it never worked. It had quite the opposite effect, really. I would stew and dwell on the exact matter I was trying to forget. Normally, this would lead to drunk dialing and bothering my friends. Goodness, I'm lucky I have any friends left. From experience, it is possible to put the past behind us. We don't really forget it, but we can move forward and leave it behind. It takes time and effort, but it can be done. Firstly, we have to be willing to take a hard look at it and address it. When you are ready, you can leave it behind. Tomorrow is another day. Reevaluate and keep trying.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado Prairie
Posts: 1,417
Originally Posted by flgirl
Pinkcuda,
Does that extend to the people who have done us harm? I was not drinking when the harm was done. I should just accept that? I will not.
Does that extend to the people who have done us harm? I was not drinking when the harm was done. I should just accept that? I will not.
That leaves us 3 choices. We can continue to stew over them, we can try and drink them away or we can accept the things that have happened and move on. You can't make it go away.
This is where we turn to others for ESH. A lot of people have been there and have a lot to offer. Maybe not the exact thing you have had going on, but how they dealt with it.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
