family drama
 

Hi All,

I was reading the really good advice about cleaning house and I think I am at a point where I need to do so. I came to Florida at the repeated requests of my sister and her adult kids. They said that it did not "feel" like family down here without me. What a joke. I have been often ignored by them and not included in many of their activities. During the 11 months I have been here I made it a point to remember each family member at birthdays and Christsmas. My birthday was a few weeks ago, and I was stood up by everyone and overlooked as they went about their lives. The family dynamics here are so weird. In a nutshell it is this. My sister is an addict and after a few months of recovery went back out two weeks ago. I guess her month long absences ,while using , led to a "power" vacuum into which my 20 yr old neice has stepped. She is the power broker in the family now. She lives at home rent free in a beautiful new home.She does not work, but rather has her boyfriend pay her car note, etc. She and her live-in boyfriend occupy the master bedroom because she talked her father into letting her have it when they moved in several months ago; and my sister had not yet come home from one of her month long binges. Anyway my point is this. My sister did her best to recover. My neice and her boyfriend went out of their way to stress her out, disrepect her in her own house, and just really try to drive her back out. You see my sister's husbands job requires him to be away on contracts for extended periods of time, and with my sister out of the way my neice and her boyfriend have it made living rent free in a beautiful home on the hill. I intervened when I could on my sister's behalf, but it was a losing battle. My neice turned other family members against me and said that I moved down here to start trouble. They are sick, selfish, and I almost hate them all. I almost understand my sister fleeing that home. I would too if I had to be around that group of manipulative, selfish, evil idiots. I will continue to help my sister when I can, but I am done with her kids and her weak ass husband. I am cleaning house. I will stick with the people I met in my recovery program and endeavor to meet friends here and at meetings. That will be my new family.Anyone ever had to "divorce" family

Hello kpaul32,

I'm sorry to hear about your situation, I did leave a family once, and without really getting into it, I'll tell you that it was very manipulative, You could even call it a cult. I did leave, and I never looked back. It was the hardest thing I ever did, but in the long run, it was the best thing. It has never left my mind though, I still wonder where they are, what they are doing etc.. I have a new family, a new life, and I just need to kick this alcohol problem and I'll be good.

Good luck to you, I hope things work out...

Heavy

stick around the rooms - you'll see what "your side of the street" means.

Oh Yes!
my family becomes splintered ... split
then new alliances are formed
and the dance continues......:laughing:

I do find much comfort in my recovery friends
and hope the same for you.

:hug:

Hi Kpaul,

I hate DRAMA...and good for you!
Sometimes you need to cut and run, all these folks will do is drag you down to there level....

Hi,

When I began recovery, I removed a few people from my life, including some family members. It was necessary, in order to move on.

I hope you can focus on your own recovery.

Hey kpaul32 ----

I read in one of your earlier posts (from last month, I believe) where you say you're a recovering alcoholic with 11 months sober.....and here you say you've been living in this dysfunctional family setting for approximately 11 months.....

Are you working some kind of program....? I find it hard to believe someone with 11 months recovery does not understand the phrase 'cleaning house.'...hint, hint...it has nothing to do with a physical house, or who shares a physical house.....it's all internal, not external.

In regards to your 'family' situation....well, I don't know what to say....my suggestions could only be based on my personal experience, and the only time 'family' problems arose for me, I always put myself first.....my life, and my recovery are always first and foremost; without my recovery I would not have life; without life.....well, I'm kinda partial to it right now, so I believe I'll keep it.....and if crazy family are messing with my serenity, well, changes will be made; I just won't let myself be stuck in situations where my serenity/recovery are put in jeopardy.


NoelleR

I just watched a show last night on the aging queer population, and how many of them have had to make their own families due to lack of acceptance by their bio families, and losing others to AIDS. And I thought about who my family is..

I have my sis, we're very close. But, I am lucky that I too am building a new family of gay friends and AA folks. I have a chosen family now. It's a weird mix, but they make me happy.

Build your own family. Stay away from the toxic folks..nothing that you can do about it, cept not engage them, and yes, keep your side of the street clean!

Karen