jodyjody

I know I have so much to look forward to but it's hard to face each day. I know I'm only supposed to face each hour.....or each day..and not think of forever but it's just so overwhelming. I've never been able to cope well with frustration. These days I can't even cope with a normal day. Nothing seems fun. And the day just drags on. I keep looking at the clock but I don't know why. I'll have a night of sweats and then just another one of these days tomorrow. So it feels like time really doesn't matter but I still keep checking to see how much more of the day is in front of me.
I need to make a list of things to look forward to. And a list of things I'll be glad to leave behind.
Thanks everyone for your support. I couldn't do this without it.

mle-sober

Jody,

Being a stay at home mom is really hard. Being a stay at home mom kicking an addiction is even harder! I don't have to tell you this. But I just want to recognize it. Please try to be as gentle and loving with yourself as possible as you go through the first part of recovery. Because you are doing something that deserves a lot of respect.

For me, the first 3-4 weeks of recovery from alcholism were so incredibly challenging. I felt like I was on a roller coaster and I cried all the time. I am also a stay at home mom with kids (although my youngest is 4) and I would bounce around the house not knowing what to do, feeling so completely out of synch with everything, feeling like I was at risk to start drinking again almost at any moment. But I just stuck to my recovery plan and put my whole heart and head into it and slowly, slowly, slowly, I felt myself emerging from the worst pain.

You can do this. KNOW it gets better. And that there are many here who are now right there with you, supporting you, caring about you, knowing the struggle.

I am wondering if you have seen a doctor, as others have suggested? And if you have looked into NA? I'm really glad to read your husband is supportive. That means a lot. But AA, for me, has been a lifeline. Along with this site.

Hang in there. Like I said, it really does get better.

Ananda

jody - i am assuming that as a stay at home mom your drinking/using was probably in your home. I know that has it's own set of difficulties. Although i worked, i had drank at home in my bathroom (don't know why...no one to hide it from) for 8 long years. I also drank when i had company by stopping at quickshops and mcdonalds and anywhere use the bathroom and slam down a half pint of rum before returning home to play like i was sober.

So although the old adage change playmates and playpens can be useful....I could hardly stop using the bathroom! And you probably cant just pick up and move.

So...I remained in my house. I used the phone alot to call people. I did clean up the house and rearrange things somewhat to change the place a little.

In time you will be more comfortable. I had to really just focus on doing the next indicated thing and ignore what wasn't directly in front of me in order to get through those first weeks of sobriety. I also took a lot of baths and showers (needed em too!) and spent alot of time outside in August sweating...i actually think that and the water theropy helped alot.

Please check with your doctor too.

kelsh

Hi Jody,

I have tapered off meds before that I wanted to quit so do know the process and how hard it can be. I did it with the help of my doc and he would write my prescription of Xanax for one month at a time...we did it really slow.

My drug of choice was alcohol which I used to self-medicate my Chemically Imbalanced Depression. I drank a lot of years but finally got so disgusted with my life that I asked for help...that was in 1988. I have been sober since then and also got help for my depression at the same time.

I also have a supportive husband but early in our marriage my drinking caused great problems and I would then get help for the depression and be doped up on the meds....don't know which was worse...both bad situations.

I now know more about myself and my meds and what works for me for my depression but it took a long time to get where I am today....I had to change my thoughts and ideas about myself and my life and how I wanted to live it.

You have such a nice family but the pressure of being a stay at home Mom is hard to deal with. Once I told my husband I either had to get a job or go back to school ..... because I couldn't stand being home 24/7.

By then all of the kids were out on their own but the youngest one so I did go back to school and eventually got a job.

I will be thinking of you and look for more of your posts. Everyone here has given you good suggestions. I hope you can decide to go to a doc and tell your story....something might be lacking in your system and you may be heading toward a depression of some kind. :ghug2

kelsh