recovery and relapse
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: n.s.w
Posts: 2
recovery and relapse
hey i'm a freshie to all this.first off i deleted all my possible contact to decrease the means of getting any thing cool.i've been clean off speed and ice for over a month now and sure things were good sometimes and alot of the times things were extremely F#*+#*@ HARD and i had some real test situations doing my head in trying to deal with it all but i managed to fight it.yesterday i was running around like a chicken with it's head cut off doing a hundred and one things for the wife.all i wanted was a break and some time to myself but it was not happening.my pressure value was ready to explode not good.the wife ring again explain something about paper work i needed to claim money back from my health fund i leave all the paper work up to her cause she good with all that stuff,when she miss read something **** hit the fan between us which put me in a great state,not coping to well with all of this i continued driving home,this is where it all turns to s#*@ cause i seen my old supplier not good,so what did i do yes went and seen him and let the bad side of me take over.at that point in time i didn't care as what i was about to do,but now i feel like hammered s#*# for what i had done.i thought that removing the numbers would make things alot easier BUT...i know where i went wrong and i'm going to not let that happen again
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
Posts: 201
Hi Cuzza...Welcome to SR
Yes it's going to take a bit more than deleting all your possible contact's!
I know nothing about Ice other than what I see on tv, but I think you need to seek help/ join a program to kick it.
Good Luck!
Yes it's going to take a bit more than deleting all your possible contact's!
I know nothing about Ice other than what I see on tv, but I think you need to seek help/ join a program to kick it.
Good Luck!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
cuzzamuncha,
thanks for the post and sharing the start of your recovery and also your setback.
i can relate to deleting the numbers. the hard part for me is erasing the ones in my brain that i know by heart.
for me, the closer I get to the dope buying area the higher the chance of me using....even if I just pass by on the freeway, 5 miles away from a possible pickup, sometimes my heart starts racing. the excitement of buying the drug is half of my addiction i swear. in fact, in my case, it is much more enjoyable than the moment after I get high when the paranoia sets in.....but i just noticed that was all in the present tense so let me say "that it used to be all that".
If the dope man were to see me and flag me down, it would be over probably. I have to stay away from all the dope mans. and I can't drink, because then i'll smoke crack. and i cant do any of that stuff. I get angry sometimes. getting drunk and high has been my best friend and closest companion for so many years of my life.
thanks for the post and sharing the start of your recovery and also your setback.
i can relate to deleting the numbers. the hard part for me is erasing the ones in my brain that i know by heart.
for me, the closer I get to the dope buying area the higher the chance of me using....even if I just pass by on the freeway, 5 miles away from a possible pickup, sometimes my heart starts racing. the excitement of buying the drug is half of my addiction i swear. in fact, in my case, it is much more enjoyable than the moment after I get high when the paranoia sets in.....but i just noticed that was all in the present tense so let me say "that it used to be all that".
If the dope man were to see me and flag me down, it would be over probably. I have to stay away from all the dope mans. and I can't drink, because then i'll smoke crack. and i cant do any of that stuff. I get angry sometimes. getting drunk and high has been my best friend and closest companion for so many years of my life.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
Hi and Welcome,
I'm glad you can learn from this experience and move forward.
Something that I had to learn in order to begin recovery, was to say 'No'. I thought I always needed to do whatever anyone in my family asked for me. I thought that was the way to be a good wife and mother. It led me to losing myself. Sometimes you need to take a break from the errand-running or whatever you're doing. I'm glad you found us.
I'm glad you can learn from this experience and move forward.
Something that I had to learn in order to begin recovery, was to say 'No'. I thought I always needed to do whatever anyone in my family asked for me. I thought that was the way to be a good wife and mother. It led me to losing myself. Sometimes you need to take a break from the errand-running or whatever you're doing. I'm glad you found us.
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