Quantumpamm

Hi, i would like to introduce myself, my name is Pascual, i am 26 years old.......Back when i was 16, i started drinking, mostly because i was very insecure and jelouse and everytime i went to visit my girlfriend i would drink about 7 rum shots, i didn't see it as a problem at all, i knew why i did it, and it was because i got nervouse around my girfriend, anyways, that went on for about 2 years, my dad around that time made his own night club, and i was the one taking care of it since he had another business to take care of during the day, so here i am, 18 years old with all this alcohol around me, free alcohol and customers wanting to sit down with me and buy me drinks and after the night was over i would take off with the waiters and drink untill the next day, i still did not think of it as a problem, just because it never really effected my life, drinking was practically part of my job, i had to satisfie the customers by sitting with them (they knew my father was the owner so they wanted to be my friends), anyways one day i was at a bar and i got this terrible feeling that i was going mad, nothing seemed real, and like i was in this strange world, extremely scary, i went to all sorts of doctors, they did not know what it is, some said it was anxiety, others said it was just in my head.................anyways, this is where the real problems started, i did not want to feel that way so being drunk was the only way i could run from that state of mind, i drank for about 8 years, and the last 4 of them everyday, i would get up with a shot of rum and another one every half hour after that because of the withdrawals, i was also taking HUGE amounts of lorazepam, 24mgs a day, wich is like 240 mgs of valium a day...........my dad kicked me out, my aunts did also, i had nowhere to go, i had to move in with this girl (stripper at my dads night club) and even she could not handle me, i was soo bad.......my mom moved to canada after she divorced my dad, so i called her and asked her for help, i was lost, so she sent me the ticket to come to canada and doctors did not want to give me lorazepam anymore, so i had to quit, after coming off everything i went throguh hell, i knew i didn't have an alcohol problem, it was a way to escape my mental state wich i later came to find out it was called depersonalisation, anyways they gave me paxil to help with the anxiety, i got a paradoxical effect, and had to come off it, i was extremely agitated, and had bipolar like symptoms because of the paxil, i was sober from achol and pills for 4 years.....not one drink, not one pill, but during those 4 years the paxil symtpms STILL had not subsided, i am and was recovering cause i do feel the diferecne as the months go by, but as i am recovering i am getting old feelings back and memories and stuff, and about a month ago i drank, not for fun, but because of my desperation of the paxil symtpms, wich one was extreme impulsiveness, obessesivness, and extreme insomnia and mind racing ect......so i desided to take a pill to calm me down, a clonazepam, it did not do much, so i started to get this scary feeling of hopelessness and helplessness, very scary, so i said, screw it i am gonna get drunk to forget about this, i dont want to feel this way, so for about a month now i have been drinking everyday, about 8 to 12 beers a day, soemtiems every other day since i do wake up sick the next morning, but the torture of this paxil side effect is soo bad.....Now i find myself in a situation where i don't know if i should keep drinking untill the paxil side effect compltely heals (wich i know it is) or stop and have to face horrible realities such as extreme depression and other horrible things...also, the impulsiveness and obesessiveness that the paxil has created has made me obsessive about drinking, sometimes it is useless fighting it..........what i have done is to try and drink every other day, and i cannot control my thoguhts it is out of my control....i just neeed help.....i am lonely in this...nobody understands, now my landlord wants to kick me out, i cant work, and barely have money...................i feel like i am starting to get a "i dont give a hell" about my life kinda thinking........and who knows what could happen........sorry for this ebing soo long.........its the shortest way i could have done it....its a VERY long story.....

serenityqueen

Glad you found us!

I do have a question, are you still taking the Paxil?

I'm a bit confused on that. Parts of your post sound like you haven't taken in for quite some time and if that's the case, I really don't think what you're decribing is still a side effect of the Paxil. . . sounds like it's been way too long.

If you are still taking it . . I think I'd get ahold of your Dr., and get on something else.

Stick around . . . . there's a great deal of experience, strength and hope here.

God Bless,
Judy

squeakyclean74

quantumpamm.....have you ever heard of AA or NA? If there is any way you can get to a meeting that would be my best addvice!!!! It has really saved my life. I wont go into my long long story but we have all been where you are and there is hope for you. You have the disease of addiction which is obsessive and compulsive thoughts and behaviors. When you feel like this like all you can think about is the pills and alcohol you really need to go to a meeting and talk to people in recovery. Most of all go with an open mind, willingness to listen and be honest those are the three things that will be of most value!!!
Good Luck!!!!!!!

Klynn33

Hi, and welcome!
I agree with the above, you need to get back to the doctor, and explain everything to them. If they can't help you - find another one. I've taken paxil (and this is in no way medical advice**) and I agree there can be side effects, but if they're that bad and lasting that long - it's not the paxil. if you stopped it a couple days ago maybe, but I'm pretty sure there's something else going on. May be that whatever is going on started at the same time as when you began the paxil - therefore making it seem like the culprit.
Just please get checked out - you can't let this stuff go, you deserve a good life, and I don't think by the sound of it that you've had one in a very long time.........
take care and let us know how things go!
Krista

Quantumpamm

No, i am not, i stopped taking paxil about 4 years ago, but i am 100% sure it is, because its like it filled my brain with this "quemical" not sure how to call it, but it makes me extreme agitated and cannot feel calm, but as time goes by i feel less and less of it, it's hard to explian, but i have absolutely no doubt in my mind it's because of the paxil....nonewhatsoever, i know it is hard to believe but it's true, and i am not worried that it will not go away, infact seeing the way ive been healing these past 4 years, i would say i will recover in less the 5 months, but for some reason the more i start to "come out" of this paxil induced symptoms, i feel bad, it's like i am finally coming out to the real world after being in this strange unexplicable world for 4 years, so drinking has been helping me out these few days........i feel confused.......and when i quit for those 4 years i did it on my own, it didn't feel hard for me, the only reason i went back was because as i stated before to kinda block my mind from this mental state.

Klynn33

it wouldn't be with you that long - it's perhaps that your chemical imbalace wasn't able to be helped by the paxil, some people have to try many things to find one that works.

LogCabin

My heart goes out to you for sure.

One thing I found was that with duo (or even triple) diagnosis is that alcohol is the remaining factor.

My suggestion to you is that you need a doctor (medical) supervised detox. And that you need to clear your head out for at least 30 days of complete sobriety. Then once you have gotten on top of the physical addiction...you can work with a doctor, hopefully an addiction psychiatrist, who that can then treat any mental/emotional imbalances.

Don't do this alone. Seek qualified medical help. You could have a seizure otherwise.

The other bottom remaining factor in your whole life is you. You can't blame the past or other people on your choice to drink.

Tomorrow is a new and beautiful day. Start seeking help to stop this cycle.

I take medication to help with my anxiety and depression. AA is not enough for me. But when I tried to take medications while I was still drinking the physical addiction of alcohol still controlled me. It was not until I stop the alcohol that the meds worked as they were suppose too.