Online sponsors
Guest
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 321
Hey there Sax!
I haven't been here long, and I have never seen this subject, but I'm thinking that maybe not? Maybe there needs to be a one-on-one situation with a sponsor. However, I really don't know!
I think everyone here is a sponsor, in a way.
Good luck!
Honu
I haven't been here long, and I have never seen this subject, but I'm thinking that maybe not? Maybe there needs to be a one-on-one situation with a sponsor. However, I really don't know!
I think everyone here is a sponsor, in a way.
Good luck!
Honu
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
sax, i do it with some local sponsee's, we also meet face to face...
online sponsership has, and is done...
some cant get to meetings for real reasons...
if done, it stil comes down to...
"to thine own self be true"
are you asking cuz you want one, or just asking?
rz
online sponsership has, and is done...
some cant get to meetings for real reasons...
if done, it stil comes down to...
"to thine own self be true"
are you asking cuz you want one, or just asking?
rz
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
The bb talks about modem to modem in the 4th edition forward...
People do do it. My sponsor and i don't do email because she and i don't communicate well that way....she isn't comfortable on computers, and i think it effects her communication ability.
If you try this....please let us know how it goes as i find this interesting.
People do do it. My sponsor and i don't do email because she and i don't communicate well that way....she isn't comfortable on computers, and i think it effects her communication ability.
If you try this....please let us know how it goes as i find this interesting.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Sax in the early days of AA some sponsorship was done via snail mail!!!! And worked in some cases.
Go to this link Alcoholics Anonymous : Service Material it covers what you are seeking.
Let us know how it goes.
Go to this link Alcoholics Anonymous : Service Material it covers what you are seeking.
Let us know how it goes.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: England
Posts: 674
Thanks for all your replies.
Rusty, I was just curious if such a thing existed and if so how it worked. Although I am not oposed to AA as such I am not entirely sure about it either though. My way isn't working so great, although I am doing alot better than I was. So that was why I was asking about online sponsor's. I didn't know whether it might be worth trying to do the steps at home with help from someone on the net and that was what an online sponsor did?
The only face to face meetings I can get to is during the daytime, there is one during the week where I live and I did go for a bit last year, but to be honest I don't think that group was right for me. I was the youngest there by about 30 odd years I would guess, and I couldn't really relate to many of them, especially when they talked alot about hip replacments and the like to the point of bringing in pictures to show everybody. It didn't really feel like an AA meeting more like a bunch of old friends talking about there week. I can't imagine asking any of them to sponsor me they live in a completely different world to me I felt. There was one lady who was a bit younger but to be honest she just scared me!
I actually phoned the AA helpline yesterday, I was going to see if I could get a sponsor by phone or something, someone who could meet up with me at times I could make, but the guy was a bit unhelpfull to be honest and just told me to stop making excuses and go to meetings, as if it is just that simple.
Sax
Rusty, I was just curious if such a thing existed and if so how it worked. Although I am not oposed to AA as such I am not entirely sure about it either though. My way isn't working so great, although I am doing alot better than I was. So that was why I was asking about online sponsor's. I didn't know whether it might be worth trying to do the steps at home with help from someone on the net and that was what an online sponsor did?
The only face to face meetings I can get to is during the daytime, there is one during the week where I live and I did go for a bit last year, but to be honest I don't think that group was right for me. I was the youngest there by about 30 odd years I would guess, and I couldn't really relate to many of them, especially when they talked alot about hip replacments and the like to the point of bringing in pictures to show everybody. It didn't really feel like an AA meeting more like a bunch of old friends talking about there week. I can't imagine asking any of them to sponsor me they live in a completely different world to me I felt. There was one lady who was a bit younger but to be honest she just scared me!
I actually phoned the AA helpline yesterday, I was going to see if I could get a sponsor by phone or something, someone who could meet up with me at times I could make, but the guy was a bit unhelpfull to be honest and just told me to stop making excuses and go to meetings, as if it is just that simple.
Sax
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 347
I'm a part of another online group (NA) and to be honest, I think that online sponsorship deprives both sponsor and sponsee unless it's the ONLY option for you. There's a lot to be said for having someone in person to talk to, and sponsors learn so much about their sponsees through body language and expression, not just written words. I have a face to face sponsor, and he and I also communicate over IM and in email, because we're both comfortable that way- and then he can nag me about writing whenever he wants. But we also attend meetings together, and spend time one on one with each other, and that's probably when we learn the most about each other.
I also know people who do live 100 miles or so from their sponsors, and they sometimes meet halfway, or take turns visiting each other, and stay in touch between times via phone and email. My suggestion is to attend what meetings you can, and look for a face to face sponsor that you can stay in touch with online or on the phone when you two can't meet up face to face.
Sponsorship is a part of the NA/AA programs. I tried the Rae program for a long time, and it sucked. When I feel like I can take or leave parts of the program-- that's me trying to turn NA into the Rae program. I know how that one goes. I want to stay clean and sober for a change.
I also know people who do live 100 miles or so from their sponsors, and they sometimes meet halfway, or take turns visiting each other, and stay in touch between times via phone and email. My suggestion is to attend what meetings you can, and look for a face to face sponsor that you can stay in touch with online or on the phone when you two can't meet up face to face.
Sponsorship is a part of the NA/AA programs. I tried the Rae program for a long time, and it sucked. When I feel like I can take or leave parts of the program-- that's me trying to turn NA into the Rae program. I know how that one goes. I want to stay clean and sober for a change.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Miamisburg, Ohio
Posts: 217
Originally Posted by Saxony 
Thanks for all your replies.
Rusty, I was just curious if such a thing existed and if so how it worked. Although I am not oposed to AA as such I am not entirely sure about it either though. My way isn't working so great, although I am doing alot better than I was. So that was why I was asking about online sponsor's. I didn't know whether it might be worth trying to do the steps at home with help from someone on the net and that was what an online sponsor did?
The only face to face meetings I can get to is during the daytime, there is one during the week where I live and I did go for a bit last year, but to be honest I don't think that group was right for me. I was the youngest there by about 30 odd years I would guess, and I couldn't really relate to many of them, especially when they talked alot about hip replacments and the like to the point of bringing in pictures to show everybody. It didn't really feel like an AA meeting more like a bunch of old friends talking about there week. I can't imagine asking any of them to sponsor me they live in a completely different world to me I felt. There was one lady who was a bit younger but to be honest she just scared me!
I actually phoned the AA helpline yesterday, I was going to see if I could get a sponsor by phone or something, someone who could meet up with me at times I could make, but the guy was a bit unhelpfull to be honest and just told me to stop making excuses and go to meetings, as if it is just that simple.
Sax
Rusty, I was just curious if such a thing existed and if so how it worked. Although I am not oposed to AA as such I am not entirely sure about it either though. My way isn't working so great, although I am doing alot better than I was. So that was why I was asking about online sponsor's. I didn't know whether it might be worth trying to do the steps at home with help from someone on the net and that was what an online sponsor did?
The only face to face meetings I can get to is during the daytime, there is one during the week where I live and I did go for a bit last year, but to be honest I don't think that group was right for me. I was the youngest there by about 30 odd years I would guess, and I couldn't really relate to many of them, especially when they talked alot about hip replacments and the like to the point of bringing in pictures to show everybody. It didn't really feel like an AA meeting more like a bunch of old friends talking about there week. I can't imagine asking any of them to sponsor me they live in a completely different world to me I felt. There was one lady who was a bit younger but to be honest she just scared me!
I actually phoned the AA helpline yesterday, I was going to see if I could get a sponsor by phone or something, someone who could meet up with me at times I could make, but the guy was a bit unhelpfull to be honest and just told me to stop making excuses and go to meetings, as if it is just that simple.
Sax
Age doesn't receive the respect it deserves. Never did for me when I was younger, what could these old folks possibly know about the world I live in?
As I get older I realize that regardless of age, people are people and people still have the same emotional problems today as they did ..20..40..200..2000 years ago. Our physical world may change, but inside WHERE WE ARE ALL THE SAME, our spirits have never and will never change.
Who are you? When you say "me", what does the "me" refer too? Is it your body? There's more to you then a body. There's more to "them" then old bodies with old ideas. They've been down the road ahead of you, they can help you. But you must see the commonalities not the differences.
I'd ask one one of them to help me work the steps. Don't worry about what they say to each other or what photos they share or anything like that. All that is none of your business. You work the steps to find out who you are not to be able to fit in too who they want you to be.
Someday, if you're lucky, you'll be older and you'll be passing time with your dear friends in a meeting and you'll notice some young man struggling to find sobriety and you'll draw on this experience you're having now and remember yourself years ago when you couldn't find a way to get comfortable with people in the rooms and your higher power will tell you to reach out to this person and you will and the circle will be complete.
If I was your sponsor I would tell you this.....
God's peace
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I know there are at least 2 AA on line sponsoship groups
but I lost the links when I bought a new PC.
I'd check with the site...AA OnLine first then Google
I did try to be an on line sponsor with 3 different women.
It did not work out. Perhaps it will for you.
You might consider using SMART on line
they have an interesting program IMO
Take care Sax....
but I lost the links when I bought a new PC.
I'd check with the site...AA OnLine first then Google
I did try to be an on line sponsor with 3 different women.
It did not work out. Perhaps it will for you.
You might consider using SMART on line
they have an interesting program IMO
Take care Sax....
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
Posts: 201
Astro is having a Sunday afternoon open AA chat meeting here in the SR chat room. 5:00 PM Arizona time...
Link to the post:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-meeting.html
Link to the post:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-meeting.html
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hi Sax,
It's good to see you asking questions
I tried sponsoring a couple of gals over the years - it didn't work out, unfortunately. I found it difficult to really get to know them when it was strictly online. If it's your only option, I would consider giving it a try, but if not, I would get to more meetings and try to find a face-to-face one. You see, my relationship with my own sponsor is such a gift, and we spent the afternoon together sitting in the sun talking about life and about recovery. She's become a good friend, someone I can totally be myself with, and you might be robbing yourself of this vital (to my eye) experience if you were to go the online route.
SR is a huge part of my recovery, but AA, and face to face stuff comes first for me. I can be a huge isolator (many of us can be) and if it weren't for meetings, when I'm not working, I just might stay inside and tap away at these keys instead.
PM me anytime if you wish to discuss the program or anything else in greater detail.
It's good to see you asking questions
I tried sponsoring a couple of gals over the years - it didn't work out, unfortunately. I found it difficult to really get to know them when it was strictly online. If it's your only option, I would consider giving it a try, but if not, I would get to more meetings and try to find a face-to-face one. You see, my relationship with my own sponsor is such a gift, and we spent the afternoon together sitting in the sun talking about life and about recovery. She's become a good friend, someone I can totally be myself with, and you might be robbing yourself of this vital (to my eye) experience if you were to go the online route.
SR is a huge part of my recovery, but AA, and face to face stuff comes first for me. I can be a huge isolator (many of us can be) and if it weren't for meetings, when I'm not working, I just might stay inside and tap away at these keys instead.
PM me anytime if you wish to discuss the program or anything else in greater detail.
God's Kid
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,820
I can relate
I got sober at 19, drunk again after a year and have now been sober ever since.
When I first started attending meetings in the area where I live, it seemed everyone was at least 100+ years older than me and like you've said the mtgs tended to be a 'weekly catch up' of health problems for these older folks.
Like yourself I also rang the phone line and got these lovely woman who did become my sponsor. She was elderly too but the diff between her and the ones at my local mtgs was she worked a program, so she had something to pass on to me.
I think age is not the point, I think the point is if these people aren't working a program they have nothing to give. And when I say program, I mean steps, sponsorship and service. In my area they were all into 'service' - opening the meeting each week so they could gossip - but that was about it!!
There was this one older lady I remeber vividly because she had been sober 10+ years and had a go at me when I shared about writing a 4th step. She proclaimed she'd never done this and 'look at her, she's fine'. I remember feeling like I was doing it all 'wrong' compared to her. And then about 5 years ago she went back drinking.
If the people in your area have nothing to offer you, I'd say get an online sponsor but get someone to sponsor you 'online' whose done it before.
And tell us how it worked out! I'd love to know.
When I first started attending meetings in the area where I live, it seemed everyone was at least 100+ years older than me and like you've said the mtgs tended to be a 'weekly catch up' of health problems for these older folks.
Like yourself I also rang the phone line and got these lovely woman who did become my sponsor. She was elderly too but the diff between her and the ones at my local mtgs was she worked a program, so she had something to pass on to me.
I think age is not the point, I think the point is if these people aren't working a program they have nothing to give. And when I say program, I mean steps, sponsorship and service. In my area they were all into 'service' - opening the meeting each week so they could gossip - but that was about it!!
There was this one older lady I remeber vividly because she had been sober 10+ years and had a go at me when I shared about writing a 4th step. She proclaimed she'd never done this and 'look at her, she's fine'. I remember feeling like I was doing it all 'wrong' compared to her. And then about 5 years ago she went back drinking.
If the people in your area have nothing to offer you, I'd say get an online sponsor but get someone to sponsor you 'online' whose done it before.
And tell us how it worked out! I'd love to know.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
I think online is a good start for a 'temporary' sponsorship ...
but there's a level oh honesty ....
that can only be acheived F2F. I've learned.
It's way too easy to pretend online.
but there's a level oh honesty ....
that can only be acheived F2F. I've learned.
It's way too easy to pretend online.
Pamela W
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Montgomery, Alabama
Posts: 22
You know it's comical to me that you say that you had nothing in common with the group that you attended because they were 30 years older than you. The Big Book of Alcoholic Anonymous was written over 70 years ago and still applies today, so do you find anything in that book that is helpful? The one thing that you all had in common is that you are alcoholic. It sounds like your ego is getting in your way. Why not try that meeting again and FIND something that bridges the gap. Speak up and see what happens. Voice your concerns and begin a discussion. I bet that you will get some great responses from the old coots.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: England
Posts: 674
Thanks again for the replies and suggestions.
Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against older people and obviously they know alot more about this thing than I do. My point was more that, with the ones at the meeting I can get to, I just couldn't relate to anything they said, it might have not even been the fact they were older, maybe it's just we are such different types of people. There is only about 8 people that attend this meeting, I probably went about 10 times or so and it was allways the same few. None of them really talked about alcoholism that much, just about what they did that week. I am way to shy, to the point I physically can't actually say anything out loud in that type of situation, so I only went to listen really, anyway.....
The online meeting you have here at SR are in the middle of the night for me, so not really an option.
Like I said in my first post, I am not even sure AA is for me really, I was just having alook at what options are out there.
Thanks all,
Sax
Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against older people and obviously they know alot more about this thing than I do. My point was more that, with the ones at the meeting I can get to, I just couldn't relate to anything they said, it might have not even been the fact they were older, maybe it's just we are such different types of people. There is only about 8 people that attend this meeting, I probably went about 10 times or so and it was allways the same few. None of them really talked about alcoholism that much, just about what they did that week. I am way to shy, to the point I physically can't actually say anything out loud in that type of situation, so I only went to listen really, anyway.....
The online meeting you have here at SR are in the middle of the night for me, so not really an option.
Like I said in my first post, I am not even sure AA is for me really, I was just having alook at what options are out there.
Thanks all,
Sax
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
You're right, mebbe AA/NA isn't right for you, but....you wrote......:
"...None of them really talked about alcoholism that much, just about what they did that week..."
Now that sounds like a GREAT meeting; not so much dwelling on the problem (alcohol/alcoholism), but focusing on the SOLUTION.....yeah!!!!
NoeleR
"...None of them really talked about alcoholism that much, just about what they did that week..."
Now that sounds like a GREAT meeting; not so much dwelling on the problem (alcohol/alcoholism), but focusing on the SOLUTION.....yeah!!!!
NoeleR
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
on line and face to face seem to me to have different advantages. I guess my preference in a "perfect world" would to be doing both....
It's interesting the different perspectives....I am actually more honest on line than in person. However it is true the facial clues etc. of face to face are lacking on line. that can be a good thing at times and a bad thing at others.
:ghug
I think for me the biggest problem with on-line sponsorship is not being able to hug the person when they are hurting.
It's interesting the different perspectives....I am actually more honest on line than in person. However it is true the facial clues etc. of face to face are lacking on line. that can be a good thing at times and a bad thing at others.
:ghug
I think for me the biggest problem with on-line sponsorship is not being able to hug the person when they are hurting.
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