SoBearish

I believe that I started drinking and continue drinking in order to protect myself from certain emotions and feelings. It’s taken many years of therapy to even get a glimpse of this truth.

What I’ve done is built a huge protective barrier between myself and my feelings using alcohol. I visualize this barrier as a huge dam.





However instead of building my dam with cement and bricks I’ve used empty bottles of booze. And because bottles of booze are not strong building material I constantly have to strengthen my dam by adding more bottles.

As the years pass and the deep dark lake of bad feelings builds up behind my dam, strengthening it becomes a full time job. If I take a break from adding bottles my dam springs a leak of uncomfortable feelings.

If I stop adding bottles completely then the leaks turn into cracks, and the feelings come stronger and faster, until I feel like the dam will burst and I’m going to become overwhelmed and drown.

So I pick up a drink and begin again to fill in the cracks and repair the leaks with empty bottles. But we all know where that will lead me.

Well instead of repairing my dam I’m building a boat named sobriety. It’s little more than a raft right now but it floats. As my neglected booze bottle dam begins to crumble, and those bad feelings come rushing at me, I know I’m not going to drown as long as I stay steady on my boat and just simply ride the rapids.


"

least

I like the way you put that insight. I too have climbed back on that raft. I will stay on it this time. With the help of everyone here, I will stay on that raft.

warrens

Hey, I like that.

I find that metaphors and analogies help me comprehend that which can be very complex.

Thanks,

warren

Jomey

Very cool imagery....that spoke to my heart. Thanks for sharing....of course, remember that your raft is already big and strong enough to carry not only you, but all your SR family because we are here, riding the rapids right beside you!

mle-sober

Nicely put. I'm right there with you. Hey - maybe we need to make this boat a little bigger and stronger, huh? It's got to hold all of us here at SR!!

OK that's a little silly and I don't mean to crowd your boat. But in a way, it's true. We are all learning to feel things that we've numbed for so long. And at the same time, we are supporting each other. Sometimes, I forget that I'm not alone - that there are many people in my AA meetings, here at SR and also my friends and family - that really do want to be in that boat with me, supporting me. So, I guess I'm saying don't necessarily always picture yourself alone in that boat, riding out the crumbling dam. When you're scared, maybe you can take some comfort in picturing us there with you.

Alive

thank you for that

itstimetostop

WOW Bearish, you have just struck a chord with me... This is exactly why I started drinking, to "drown" the pain. I was self medicating.. unfortunately now, I use my emotional pain as an excuse to drink. I need to build my life raft... There are people around me who could never understand the pain I feel ( as hard as they may try ), because if you don't live it, you can't feel/understand it. Not that I don't know it's an excuse for my behavior. I'll use just about anything for a reason to drink. Your post brought me to tears. Thank you!

Toomutch

Bearish,
Thank you for starting this thread with such insightful words.

CarolD

There is an old Babtist hymn
all I can remember of it is.....

"Throw out the lifeline
some one is sinking today"

I've long considered my AA program my life line.

Thanks for sharing

Ananda

I really relate....I have come to discover over years of dealing with some very emotionally painful stuff that most people can relate to the feeling and intensity of my/our pain....but pain is very unique (sorry but it is) and others will never EXACTLY understand it fully.

Thank god they actually don't have to in order for me to heal. The compassion of others helps me immensely and i am not really alone....and yet to some extent i walk through it alone.

I tore down one damn only to find another one behind it.....but as has been said...i do have the boat...not only of my fellow travelers in sobriety, but of the whole of humanity....its a really big boat!:bounce

SoBearish

Yes indeed all strong ships need a crew that works as one!



Not silly at all - "All Aboooard"!!!



LOL - Sure provided we take turns at the helm.






'

SoBearish

Good point !!