Aysha

Here I am waking from a 3 day crack coma. Induced by 6 strait days of constant using and running. I came very close to shooting heroin for the first time the other night. Also dodging a dealer for 4 days that really seems like he wants nothing more than to put a bullet in me for money owed.
I smell, my hair is in so many knots I will need to cut it off to get them out. My skin is dingy and scarred. My lips are chapped and bleeding. How I made it home is beyond me. I still have a couple hundred dollars left but am so drained I cant even think about wanting to get high anymore. My car is on a repo list. My family has finally disowned me. All except for the grams and that isnt too far off. Lost the job. Lost all hope for a better way at the moment.
My head is so foggy I cant seem to walk a strait line.
There is broken glass all over my room. How it got there I have no idea.
I really let myself go this time. And I see no way back from this one. I lost my voice from doing so much drugs. I am scared to look into the mirror and see the reality of this past week. I really did it this time.
Grams wants me to go to inpatient and then sober living. I kinda wanted to do that before all this happened.
But now I am so far in the BS I dont see the point.
I feel I am doomed to be this way forever. So does it even matter what I do now?
I have lost everythign I worked so hard to get back. I am barely hanging on to life. So what does it matter if I go? Just to get out of everyones way? So they dont have to deal with me anymore? Push me onto the system and hope for the best?
Why go when i dont even care anymore?

HERRERA

I Do Believe You Care, If You Didn't You Wouldn't Be Reaching Out. I Am A Recovering Crack Addict (i Would Of Been Broke The Next Day).
Have You Been In Treatment Before? If You Have You Know The Routine The First 30 Days Is Hell But It Always Gets Better One Day At Time. Can You Stay Clean On Your Own? Or Do You Need Some Help? It's Up To You Today Do You Want To Move Foward Or Stay In Misery? I Have To Go Now, Please Don't Stay Hopeless.
Love You And Take Care..........

Rella927

Chiy I also do believe that you care or you would not have logged on here! IMHO you feel safe here which is great! We should feel safe here to let things out-

Chiy you are an amazing person that knows what they want and you are a gift to us here at SR! Please call someone and get the help that you need-do not be afraid to do so as your life is valuable all though you may not feel that now-it is!

Hang in there sweets you can do this I have faith in you


Your signature tells a lot! So please do not stop trying! We need you-and know you will shine like a diamond soon!

Astro

Maybe reality is what you really need to see Trish. I've been reading your posts for a long time, you've got so many friends here who love you and support you, but I think even you'll admit that you're starting to sound like a broken record. What I fear is that one of these days you won't make it and you'll end up dead. That's reality, I've watched it happen to quite a few people lately.

Only you can doom yourself to be like this until your luck runs out. This isn't what God or anyone else in your life wants. Yes, it does matter, it'll only be too late when you're gone. I really believe that God has a plan for each of us.
So are you going to do whatever it takes to reach out and stay clean and sober forever, or do you want to keep riding the merry-go-round until it's too late for you?

I know you care. Please get help.

adore79

You are so worthy of getting better, you will always be worthy of getting better. If inpatient and sober living may help then by all means do it!

:ghug3

Daddio

Please listen to Grams. We can only do so much here in cyberville Chi. You need a human being in your life RIGHT NOW that can help you. Not later today or tomorrow - but right now. Please go get the help that you need.

I don't want to lose you.

Prayers for your healing Chiynita.

supernothing

chiynita- IT matters because YOU matter, ive slipped too but im back here and im trying to get sober again.
Please practice what you preach honey- and dont stop trying to get well
:ghug3

Ananda

This is the PERFECT time to go to treatment....call up gram right now, tell her your ready. Call anyone who can give you a ride to treatment...call the treatment center and go now.

You really sound just like me the day i went. Those 30 days got me ready to begin the journey of sobriety.

benjiboy

Listen to Daddio...listen carefully....listen again...do as he says...if you do, things WILL improve...the choice, as always is yours...and by the sounds of it honey, the way your going you ain't gonna have many choices left, so choose wisely. GRAMS!!!!!!!!!!!
Much love to you.
Ben

stone

Trish, I hope it has beaten you enough times now for you to do whatever it takes to recover. Don't even think about it, sign up for inpatient and sober living. You owe it to yourself and your Grams to at least try.
Do it!

WendyS

You are here for a reason!! Your life means something or you wouldn't be here. Don't let the darkness overtake you get your body moving to a treatment center NOW, we NEED you!!
You can do this take a deep breath and make the move.

grateful2b

Chi, I am sad that you are in this place but I will be much, much sadder if you choose not to try....
I have enjoyed your contributions on this board, so much compassion and love, you need to choose to have compassion for yourself right now even if you have to fake it till you make it, you DESERVE, Chi...it is up to you...I pray, pray, pray that you listen to Grams, go to treatment, just put one foot in front of the other and do it, no matter what your brain is telling you , just do it, save your life, we care....you are in my prayers.....

:ghug3

gravity

It matters because you are a very precious person. Your grandmother is pushing you because she loves you very much, is concerned, and wants you to be happy.

I don't believe that you don't care anymore. You are coming out of a "crack coma" and are bound to be upset. It is "false" hopelessness. It is the drugs.

Your grandmother sounds like a wise and loving woman. Listen to her. This can really be the very last time you have to go through this.

In kindness and concern, Don

warrens

Chiy

It is the drugs that sucks the caring right out of you. We who are sober today are no stronger and certainly no better than you. The caring has been restored, that's all.

You have a spirit that fills a room and can change lives. All you have to do is change yours first. Do that and I know that you can help change a thousand lives.

Few of the long term recovering folks here haven't been where you are at now. Choose life, Chiy. And then teach others to do the same.

warren

ANGELINA243

Chi--get help! Get help now--while you are still willing! It will only get worse if you continue....take advantage of treatment..it certainly couldn't hurt anything. You are so worth it!



P.s "I love you--brother!"

Hevyn

My eyes filled with tears when I read the news. You've almost always been there, every time I've logged on for the past 10 mos. Why do you come here, even with all your setbacks? Because deep inside, you still have hope that this can all be turned around. Despite what you may think, losing you would be very hard for many of us. Maybe Chiy this is your last time. The end of your story is yet unwritten. Please do not let your time on earth end in tragedy. Reach deep down inside yourself for the strength you know is in there...and get back on your journey to health and happiness. PLEASE go in to treatment, but don't do it feeling all miserable and dejected. Do it with hope & anticipation of a brand new life without these chains around you. We love you, Chiy.

Done_With_It

Please get help. You are in over your head. I agree with the others, long term treatment and sober living. I think that is what you want, but you are trying to convince yourself that, that you need it by doing this to yourself instead of just doing it.
Give yourself permission and just go.
Much love and light and healing to you....

Impurrfect

(((Trish)))

I felt the same way after I relapsed last year....had lost everything and didn't know if I had enough fight in me to try and get it back.

You DO want to fight back, or you wouldn't be here. It was the way you're feeling now, that made me realize I just couldn't do that sh!t anymore. No matter how much crack I did, I was filled with self-hatred and disgust at myself as soon as I came down.

Please, sweetie, get help. You are so worth it and you need some help to realize what a wonderful person you are.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

hope3

Chy, No matter how far down the scales we have gone, if we

have a pulse, we can have hope!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Go for impatient and sober living, my Grams never let

me down...Love ya, hope3

Dee74

there are so many ppl here who can tell you why the fights worth it, and why you're worth it...but Daddio's right too...you need more than SR.

Go do what Grams suggested Trish.


D