least

I too hope you're in treatment now. You as much as anyone deserves to be happy and well. You have my prayers for a better life, starting with beating this disease we all suffer from. Please do whatever you need to do to get well. I care.:praying:ghug3

nogard

And if your lurking come on in.

nogard

Yes, YES it ALWAYS Matters Trish

Aysha

I am so ashamed to even come here. Ashamed to face my family. Ashamed to look in the mirror. I dont think I have ever felt this dark before. After all that..I went out again. I seriously think I dont want to change. I am starting to believe I like being miserable. Go to treatment....dont go. Get a job and pull it together and stop being weak and stupid.
What I really want is to just be nonexistant. I am seriously in a very very dark dark place. I am too tired to try and get out. And it seems pointless anyway.
I feel so stupid even posting this. I am a lost cause it seems and coming here all the time with my BS just gets old.
Dont any of you ever get tired of ones like me that just dont ever get it? But steady complain and wonder why **** sucks so bad.
Bottom line is. I dont think I want to stop. Or I am not ready. Or somthing.
I am not willing at the moment to go to any length. Dieing would be a relief.
I appreciate evryones support. But I think everyone is wasting their time on me right now.
I am not going to post anymore of my BS until I can put some effort into changing. But right now. I am numb. I feel stuck. Nothing matters to me right now. I know what I should do. But I guess I am not ready.

Rowan

Thanks for letting us know where you're at, Trish.

I love you. No matter what, I love you.

grateful2b

oh Chi, sweetie..

Luckyv2

Trish

Active addiction just plain ass sucks

I can tell that you are not your normal self right now. The drugs have you in control right where they want you and the rest of us. Trust me...You are helping all of us and we are not waisting our time and you are not wasting our time.

Of course the drug talk don't want you to be ready. hell I have a thread somewhere here that is titled *I'm Still Alive* well I am not sure if it is still here but it was. It was from February of 2006 until May or longer of 2006. My drug induced mind, being clean 5 days and back out....being clean 5 days and back out.

Everyone was trying there best to help me and give me things to ponder and to help me but my drug induced mind I couldn't comprehend a damn thing. Sure i voiced that I surrendered and than bamb back out again.

This isn't a easy thing to do. Even after 2 years Trish I still would like to go use. But I don't and the reason is because I can see that nothing has changed. Same dope people, same dope, same everything....so my outcome if I did go back out would probably be the same or it would really be a lot worse I know it don't get any better I have had enough relapses to know that. But even with all the knowledge that we have it isn't enough at the time that you want to get high.

I have a friend at another site that just relapse today but I will tell ya the same thing that I told her that as long as we learn from it than it is OK. Relapse has been part of my journey and I am grateful for them today. I sure hope that you don't give up hope. I will never give up hope on ya!

Anna

Trish, I wish you well!

nogard

Trish, we don't need to be well before we come here and ask for help and we don't need to be clean to be here.

Keep posting and keep telling us everything and go to a meetin cos we only need to have the desire to stop.

Kevin

Hevyn

We're not tired of you & we would never turn our backs on you, just as you've always listened to us with patience & understanding. I'm praying for you, as always, knowing one day you will turn this all around. I just worry for your safety - please be careful with this precious life you've been given.

Dee74

Trish - you're an addict, you had money left....most of us couldn;t have done better in our active days.

You made it back - I'm glad

now - get some help.

D

AWdesign

Chi, I'm so sorry to hear you so beaten. I've seen some real good advice so far, the best being the inspiration of HOPE! You DO still have HOPE if you are reaching out and THAT is GOD working in YOUR life. In Chinese characters there is 2 for CRISIS, one meaning DANGER and the other meaning OPPORTUNITY! Take advantage of the OPPORTUNITY to get help, we can't do this alone! I love You and so does GOD! Good luck

scaredykat

Much love and hugs to you Trish. And your not a waste of our time. We have all been where you are.


Barb