Please forgive me, I relapsed after 18 days sober
 

It was sometime Sunday evening. I got a bottle of wine in a desperate bid to calm down. Well, I was calm alright, too calm, but now this morning I feel horrible, physically and emotionally. I'm so ashamed of myself. I hate being so weak. I was doing so well and now have to start over. I WILL start over, but the feelings of shame and guilt are overwhelming. Please forgive me. I'm having a hard time forgiving myself. :a043:

You now have your own experience as well as that of others as to what sobriety is and how to do it. I often think of the "me" who was sober in the past and the "me" who will be sober in the future and think of them standing with me as i walk through sobriety in the here and now.

And they don't carry clubs! They smile and hold my hand.

And when you are feeling a little better you can look at what mental process proceded the first drink...and you will learn! That is going to make you stronger.

I am here with you:a194:

Honey, forgive yourself and put the bat down. Don't beat yourself up for another second.

This is just a bump in the road and will make you stronger if you pick yourself back up and learn from this.

Find what lead you to drink and watch out for those feelings in the future.

For now, today is a new day and you are here with us and we all love you and are always here for you. I'm glad you came right back!

Lots of hugs!!! Forgive yourself and let the guilt go! Today is a new day.

#1 beating your self up over this will accomplish nothing!!!!

Sit down and honestly evaluate what you were doing right to stay sober and then add to it.

Next figure out what led to that drink, what were you doing or not doing?

Ask your self honestly "Am I doing everything in my power to not drink again?"

Is there anything anyone has suggested you do that you have not done yet? If there is then ask your self why?

Is the answer that you are not ready to do what ever it takes to get and stay sober?

Staying sober takes action, not inaction, it takes mare change then simply not drinking.

I spent a lot of years continuously relapsing because I was not willing to do what ever it took to stay sober, I wanted to stay sober my way, not the way that worked for someone else.

Yes! Guilt can create a vicious cycle making it more likely to drink again.

I am asking God for the ability to love myself as others love me. But it's so hard, it's so hard to forgive myself as I easily forgive others. Why am I so hateful toward myself?? I need God's help as I am so weak. Only He can give me the strength I want. Only He can give me the peace I so desperately seek. Please God help me get up and start over. Help me love myself. :praying

I am no stranger to relapse, myself. It took me a couple of tries to get it right. Anticipate that you will have moments of difficulty and plan strategies to help get you through so that you are not blindsided the next time. It really does get easier, once you get through some difficult times without picking up. You can do this.

Drink a lot of water and juice.
A bubble bath to relax after a brisk walk
will benefit you
Been to AA recently?

Yes! the hangover remorse was terrible for me too.
However....this can be your last drinking episode.

I totally forgive you Least. Now do the same for yourself. You are a huge inspiration to everyone here and you have proved time and time again what a loving caring person you are.

You have 18 days sober, nothing has changed that. You fell off this bumpy wagon ride and it hurt, but you got right back on.

Well done - I'm proud of you!!

I swear it just keeps getting worse. Now my daughter's cat is sick. I made an appt for tomorrow and now daughter is yelling at me cause the check I got from my dad over the weekend was to pay bills, and now I'll have to use it to pay the vet bill. He was really sick four years ago and we almost lost him. I can't let that happen again. Please pray for my daughter's cat. I'm sorry, this is just too much, one thing after another, I can't take the stress.:praying

One step at a time Least - We're here for you!

Cats are part of the family and you have to do what you have to do.

Don't worry - everything will be fine.

The One you speak of forgives you and loves you!! We do too Least. You can do it girl! We'll walk the road to recovery together even through the potholes and the bumps along the way. You can't get rid of us!!!

Hang in there - honesty is such a lonely word!

Try drinking water as if it were wine, :c024:
and try exercising more for an adrenalin rush!

At Least you'll get another chance to post a new sobriety date! :accf:

My thoughts are with you....

You tripped and fell down.

Then you got back up, and getting back up is the important thing.

Try not to trip and fall again.

Peace to you least,

I'm an alcoholic! That means I have difficulty dealing with my emotions without alcohol. "Normal" people have the same emotions and troubles but they never consider getting drunk and staying drunk a solution.

For years alcohol was my solution. Whenever I felt a negative emotion, anger, guilt, boredom etc., I drank to make it go away. Whenever I felt good emotions I drank to make them even better.

My problem is I'm an alcoholic, I have no other solution except alcohol. I need a solution, a way to live without drinking and drugging.

Least, you mentioned the physical and emotional turmoil caused by drinking, that is so true. But for me the physical consequences would always pass and I'd be left with the emotional and spiritual wreckage that I couldn't move. That always led me back, just make it go away!

I cannot stay sober alone, others may be able to do so, but I can't. The thing that helped me was giving up and doing what others suggested. After years in and out of AA and getting numbers I never used, I finally started reaching out in troubled times....reaching out before I picked up.

AA talks about a spiritual awakening but I don't think my spirit was ever asleep. That was the problem, if my spirit would have been asleep I wouldn't have been bothered by the way I was living. I used alcohol and drugs to put my spirit asleep, only problem is I would wake up when the junk wore off and there I was, same me same crap.

I'm an alcoholic! Alcohol is not a solution, it only delays me ever finding a solution.

Go find your solution least. Before long you'll be sitting in some emotion, the crap you used to drink over and think, "so this is what I've been running from, I can feel this today, it does not scare me", then you'll work through it and you will be better, you will be recovering.

God's peace least

Don't give up and don't pick up

Happiness

Sadness

Stress

No stress

Love

Too much

Not enough...

Money

Time

Things



Dont' Drink No Matter What


:flower5:

This helped me a whole lot, Least.

Love,

:praying:

Sherry

LEAST!!!! I'm so sorry to hear this you were doing SO SO SO Well. Just keep working at it. Don't go back to the way it was. It's BETTER sober.

I forgive you.
:praying

I did that same thing a few times in the end, before that final horrible day in January when I woke up and knew this time was different. This time the binge was taking me to my death, I was absolutely convinced. Being terrified to go back to who I was is keeping me sober. I don't have it in me to keep coming back again & again. I still fantasize that a drink will calm me, somehow magically make everything ok - but I know better. It's not for us, Least, it's not an option anymore. We are with you on this journey. Proceed!

I was absolutely convinced....

Quoting Hevyn....

That is how it was for me too..at a crossrad ...and it is also in How it Works in

Chapter 5 of the Big Book text of AA...

"We stood at a turning point..."

You are so (not) alone in this experience!

I stood there two years ago...after failing 6 times.

Don't give up....

Hevyn is right...

Proceed!