digderidoo

Hi all, i have posted on here previously about how i wanted to control my drinking. This hasn't worked.

I first attended AA the beginning of January, I went 7 weeks without a drink and felt so good. Then came a weekend away when i drank, i then went another 7 weeks up until my birthday April19 and drank again.

I felt as though i could now control my drinking with the aid of a local program. The fact of the matter is though i haven't enjoyed it. When i wasn't drinking i had a good peace of mind, had future plans and was generally happy within myself. In controlled drinking i find that i think more about drinking than before. I also find that i cannot stop and end up spending a couple of days recovering.

I went out on Friday night for a friends birthday with the view to limiting my drink, this just didn't work and i spent all weekend recovering.

I intend therefore to go back to the AA tomorrow night, as i have my kids tonight. I hope last Friday will be my last drink but it's a long journey. I am going to have to get a sponsor, which is something i have been reluctant to do but i think it's the only way forward.

I do not regret attempting to control it, i feel that this is something i needed to do if only to prove to myself that it doesn't work.

Anyway enough of me rambling, but i would like to use this site for support so i wanted to basically say hello.

Paul

tamcor123

Welcome home right where you belong.

Tazman53

Welcome to SR Paul, we all have tried in one way or another to control our drinking so do not apologize for that, it is what we do! LOL

Going back to AA and getting a sponsor is a wise move imho, AA, a sponsor, working the steps, working with other alcoholics, and service work have done the trick for me.

Anna

Paul, the same thing happened to me.

I tried for such a long time to control my drinking and I simply obsessed about it. It was always on my mind. It was a relief to finally accept that I could not drink anymore.

I'm glad you're focused on your recovery.

least

Welcome to the site Paul. I too thought I could control my drinking, just have one glass, or two, or wine. I found out quickly that I couldn't control it, that it was controlling me. Felt like an ass. Ashamed of myself. I'm trying to forgive myself and start over.

CarolD

Welcome back!

SoBearish

Welcome - good post!!

benjiboy

Hi Paul...oh control!!! what a wonderfull thing that would be!!! In most parts of my life I have good discipline...I work for myself and need to be on the ball....etc etc...give me ONE drink however....see yer! I've just got to realise that all attempts of control have ultimately failed...I managed for 2 yrs a policy of only drinking at the weekends until I realised I was feeling crap until wednesday...good on thurs.and spoiling everything on Friday...I didn't enjoy the weekends...I enjyed the IDEA of the weekends as they approached because I could indulge and escape...the first 3 or 4 drinks were great...the following 3 or 4 days were peppered with panic attacks...remorse...cravings...all the things we're all familliar with...just simply not worth it.
Best wishes to you.
Benjamin

tommyk

Me trying to 'control' my drinking brings back memories.

I finally decided that when I could 'control' a cat's behavior I could probably 'control' my drinking.

The cats have not cooperated as of yet (14 years), but I'll keep trying.

(Perhaps focus an on equally ridiculous behavior to try and 'control'... works for me.)

digderidoo

Thanks for your comments and welcomes. I intend to use this site for help and support.
Paul