benjiboy

I have always been someone who can leave the 'sauce' alone for weeks without too much of a problem....then it might be a friday evening..early...i've finished a hard week at work....the sun is out...i'm feeling on top of the world.....permission thoughts flood my (small!) brain...'go on Benji you deserve it...are you man or mouse....just a few cans'
...so I do. The first one doesn't touch the sides....the second one hasn't even been put in the fridge...why bother...it won't have time to cool down...off they all go...down the hatch....blackout...next morning feel terrible...very anxious...self medicate...THEN I start drinking coz i'm UNhappy....it usually takes a week or two to stop again...but the first instance allways the same...feeling joyfull and in control. Puting this in writing makes me feel stupid but perhaps i'll be able to push aside the 'go on have one!' thoughts more easily next time.
We are stronger together.
Benjamin

dislipson

Hopefully you were able to push aside the feelings to go drink! I cannot speak for everyone but I know exactly what you are saying but I have found that starting tradition when things are great is even better. Imagine how good you felt and how long you have worked to be sober, if you had given in to drinking you would have felt bad for giving in which would have turned your perfect day into a day of regret for drinking.

I too was in the same position yesterday because after 3 1/2 weeks of going back and forth trying to finish everything for my school loan, it finally got approved and now I can start flight school!!

Horselover

I too enjoyed drinking because everything was going so well. The moon's out tonight and its warm. Let's have some wine. My day really sucked. I feel sorry for myself. Let's have some wine. I'm feeling really tense right now and need to loosen up. Let's have some wine. I could find a reason to drink in any circumstance. Now I am trying to actually deal with those emotions without a drink. Okay - experience happiness without the wine. Wow! That feels so much more intense. Experience sadness, anxiety or whatever emotion without a drink. What a concept!

Any ways! I guess what I'm trying to say is I feel you and know where you're coming from. I don't know if you're in AA (I'm not) or how long you've been without, but the emotions still come with or without the drink. I prefer to say "Drinking isn't an option for me anymore." I'm 42 (soon) years old and I've drank more than enough in this lifetime for you, me and the next guy.

You can do this!!

Tazman53

Name the emotion, it led me to a drink, until finally I had no choice but to drink even when I did not want to drink.

The hardest thing for me to learn is which drink got me drunk?

The first drink got me drunk every time!!!!!

I never got drunk if I did not drink that first drink!!!!

99.999% of the time when I could still choose whether to drink or not, if I drank the first drink, I wound up drunk.

Sounds so stupidly simple doesn't it? Well I have finally learned that the first drink does get me drunk.

digderidoo

I hear you, i can relate to everything you say. Friday night is always the killer for me.
Paul

least

I drank to relieve the unbearable stress, then I drank to relieve the withdrawal. I know how you're feeling. We can do this together. I will draw strength from everyone here, you can too.

:ghug3

SoBearish

Yup yup yup (nods head) totally there with you.

ultimatum

Right there with y'all. Anything would be an excuse to have a cocktail. Happy, sad, hard day, sun is shining, it's raining, etc... Summer is really going to be a tough time I think, as I tend to equate warm sunny days with a beer buzz.

Tracey

Damn good post.
It is a vicious cycle. I drink because Im feeling pretty good. One cant hurt.

I can never stop at one. That just takes the edge off and the fuzzy feeling sets in.

Next thing I know, ive had one every half hour for 5 hours= 10 drinks. GULP.

Shower, pass out, wake up feeling like total crap. Dehydrated, irritable, mad at myself and do it all over again because now I feel like crap.

So which emotion should we pour a drink to, exactly?

Yeah, my logic sounds idiotic. Glad im fitting in here! LOL

tommyk

When you feel GREAT, thank God for the feeling.

Then, ask HIM if you should celebrate with a drink.

benjiboy

Thank you people...you all speak the truth...I haven't had a drink today...I won't have a drink. Thank you for your support.

FizzyWater

Know exactly the feelings, big part of me just feels that it can't be normal not to be drinking on a friday ( or even moreso saturday night ).

I'm 36 and I reckon that as its 16 years of habit that makes me feel like that, the feelings aren't just going to dissappear over 4 weeks, each week I reckon will get easier though.

My 4 year old and 18 month year old are a big reason why I want to get rid of these feelings though.

Hope that makes some kind of sense folks