The Middle Of Day 354
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Good night, sweetie. My "crises" have passed and life is good again
It's simply amazing how much better we feel when we stay clean and deal with another "crisis" and remember how much we have to be grateful for!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
It's simply amazing how much better we feel when we stay clean and deal with another "crisis" and remember how much we have to be grateful for!Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Flint MI
Posts: 4,455
GOOD CUSE YOUR SIS IS IN ONE AND NOT TOO SURE HOW TO HANDLE IT.........I AM BEING LIED TO AGAIN.....DO I JUST DEAL WITHIT ( OH AND THIS IS A DOOZEY WILL TELL YOU LATER WHEN U WAKE UP) OR DO I SAY ENOUGH........SO MANY DEMANDS HAVE BEEN PUT ON ME ABOUT THE ISSUES WITH ME LYING ABOUT THINGS......AT LEAST I DID IT TO STAY TOGETHER......THIS ONE COULD PULL US APART, I AM HURTING SO DEEPLY RIGHT NOW I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO HE KNOWS SOMETHING IS WRONG I JUST KEEP TELLING HIM IT IS ABOUT MY SURGERIES ( YES I WAS APPROVED FOR ALL OF THEM....THANK GOD! AND YES TERRIFIED ABOUT HAVING MY HIPS REBROKEN).....BUT BY BEING HONEST WITH MYSELF I KNOW IT HURTS AND I DONT KNOW WHY HE WOULD LIE TO ME AT ALL......I WANT TO TRUST HIM MORE THAN ANYONE OR THING IN THIS UNIVERSE AND HE IS SUPPORTIVE OF ME, HE KNOWS I AM GIVING UP THE WEED. I KNOW HE LOVES ME, WHY CANT HE BE IS HONEST WITH ME AS I AM WITH HIM......JUST REALLY CONFUSED AND FEELING SO VERY ALONE, I MISS THE MAN I FELL IN LOVE WITH SO MUCH RIGHT NOW I CANNOT SEE STRAIGHT AND I HURT DEEP.......I KNOW I NEED TO TELL HIM I KNOW BUT HOW? HE ALWAYS HAS CALLED ME ON MY LIES RIGHT THERE AND THEN....BUT I JUST DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO DO W HEN I FOUND OUT I WAS SO SHELL SHOCKED AND SO UNSURE WHAT THIS MEANS AND I AM SO SCARED AND AFRAID TO FIND OUT TOO....ALL I KNOW IS I LOVE HIM.........AND THIS ALL HAS TO WORK OUT SOME WAY..........
love and hugs,
Pamm
love and hugs,
Pamm
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Pamm)))
I don't know what's going on, but I do know this. You are totally focused on him, your relationship with him. I know you love him, but you are not going to wither up and die if things don't work out. In all honesty, this isn't the first time you've been madly in love since I met you. This may be different, but it still doesn't change things. You're so wrapped up in HIM, you're losing sight of YOU.
I don't know if it will work out between you, but if it's meant to be, it will.
Sorry if I'm harsh...you know I luv ya. Just having a few things going on here at the house that have MY nerves on edge.
No matter what or who is in our lives, sweetie, we will keep on keeping on and be stronger and better for it....trust me
Luv ya!
Amy
I don't know what's going on, but I do know this. You are totally focused on him, your relationship with him. I know you love him, but you are not going to wither up and die if things don't work out. In all honesty, this isn't the first time you've been madly in love since I met you. This may be different, but it still doesn't change things. You're so wrapped up in HIM, you're losing sight of YOU.
I don't know if it will work out between you, but if it's meant to be, it will.
Sorry if I'm harsh...you know I luv ya. Just having a few things going on here at the house that have MY nerves on edge.
No matter what or who is in our lives, sweetie, we will keep on keeping on and be stronger and better for it....trust me
Luv ya!
Amy
.Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Flint MI
Posts: 4,455
lol you are right GT Amy was the best thing that has ever happened to me and things have been a bit of a struggle ( i fear these next few weeks are going to be the worst seeing it is our childrens birthdays) but with all of our friends and loved ones support as well as us already in counceling i think we will be just fine!!!!! plus love has gotten us threw some of the worst spots we have ever been in in our last fedw years together i know we will withstand these hurdles..........
i just know we are no longer fighting each other but for each other and that in itself makes a big differance!!!!! Plus we are communicateing and not accusing.......and we are spending quality time togethter and trying to find the respect we had for each other once again........ more than that we are just in love with being in love again!!!!!
i love and miss you all!!!!
love and hugs,
Pamm
i just know we are no longer fighting each other but for each other and that in itself makes a big differance!!!!! Plus we are communicateing and not accusing.......and we are spending quality time togethter and trying to find the respect we had for each other once again........ more than that we are just in love with being in love again!!!!!
i love and miss you all!!!!
love and hugs,
Pamm
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Flint MI
Posts: 4,455
Never in my one year of being sober have I wanted a drink as bad as I have done so today......well yesterday I guess...........what do you call a recovering alckie with grand ideas for a huge yard and a body that doesnt allow you to work as it once did a few years back when the drugs covered up all of the pain??????????? STRESSED THE HELL OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!
but it is comming along slowly but surely, my E ( I sware God made him just for me...he laughs when I scream and cry....I am not annalitical he is....I prefer the make believe he prefers the here and now, sort of take life as it comes and blast everything out of hos way rather than my move the hell out of the way before you get crushed maneuvor I guess you could say)
Okay, prime example, E was laying down the pavers ( BRICK THAT WEIGH 20 POUNDS A PIECE.......HE HAD 144 TO DO) I was putting the lawn chairs together.....4 of them (2 more on back order) which compramised of 8 screws a piece.......started raining, thus having me aching everywhere but we kept working threw it----cold and wet ect.... then he say ( about an hour after I had said we should of done it....mind you ) We should of set the tent up first and worked under it....... so we both stopped what we were doing to start on this tent......We took the showroom model as it was the last one you know the dispaly model.............it came with the tent in a plastic bag and no instructions.... I am the type that need instructions and more than that I MUST UNDERSTAND THE DAMN THINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mind you I am 5'9-5'10 on most days ( and these days do not inclede soggy wet clay mud absorbing my weight)......My Darling E is 5'11-6'0 depending on his shoes....we were putting together a 10x10' tent with a center pole that was like maybe 8'?!?!?!?! we broke it....he started laughing I started swearing....me getting more pissed by the second and him forcing himself to laugh ( BTW did I ever tell you guys he doesnt sware? you should hear it when he say " son of a beach!" it is halarious! And ppl wonder why I love him so much.....he does more than love and protect me, he makes me grateful to be alive still) so my blood pressure is boiling by now because he is laughing and I want to scream and cry......long story short it took us longer to put that tent together than it did anything else, including a 12x12' padio, it looks awsome......he is exhausted and asleep on the couch I was asleep in bed forawhile then something happened and I really am unsure what to do about them but think I need to be talling someone about them I tell E but he really just pushes past it....
I am haveing really bad nightmeres and some of them are logical about ppl and places I have been or know then some of them are just horrifying( ie...baby being murdered in frount of me while being tired to a chair)......makes me so damn afraid to sleep without him, I thought ok as long as he is sleeping with me it wont happen.......not true, even with him right beside me it is happening I am waking up moaning screaming sometimes covered in sweat sometimes running fo0r the bathroom hurling my guts out it seems so real at times. I dont know what to make of it....it is just weird and dont know what to do about it.............happen when I take my meds or dont same with my sleeping pills........nothing has really much changed lately in my meds just off the nurotin( caused me to end up with something heart failure (ask Amy I told her) it is from water around my heart) so now I have an increeased lasix amount but other than that nothing really lyrica and cembalta is increased as is the wellbutrin and xanix...........wish I wasnt taking so much, sometimes I go days at a time without taking my meds, I feel good so I dont right.......wonder why I am so screwy...........I AM trying to take better care of myself....I have a lot to live for, started with me finally getting my sugar levels under control.......I take my pills everyday and only have to take insulin 3 or 4 times a week now I love it..............at least it isnt 6 times a day like I was.........
Okay so I guess this blog is really long, just has been a lot going on and havent really been able to open up my mind or force myself to sit down long enough to write and I am so sorry for it...............
LOL
OTHER than all of that stuff ^^^^^^^ I am doing just great...........Madly in Love and Loving every moment of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love and HUgs,
Pamm
but it is comming along slowly but surely, my E ( I sware God made him just for me...he laughs when I scream and cry....I am not annalitical he is....I prefer the make believe he prefers the here and now, sort of take life as it comes and blast everything out of hos way rather than my move the hell out of the way before you get crushed maneuvor I guess you could say)
Okay, prime example, E was laying down the pavers ( BRICK THAT WEIGH 20 POUNDS A PIECE.......HE HAD 144 TO DO) I was putting the lawn chairs together.....4 of them (2 more on back order) which compramised of 8 screws a piece.......started raining, thus having me aching everywhere but we kept working threw it----cold and wet ect.... then he say ( about an hour after I had said we should of done it....mind you ) We should of set the tent up first and worked under it....... so we both stopped what we were doing to start on this tent......We took the showroom model as it was the last one you know the dispaly model.............it came with the tent in a plastic bag and no instructions.... I am the type that need instructions and more than that I MUST UNDERSTAND THE DAMN THINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mind you I am 5'9-5'10 on most days ( and these days do not inclede soggy wet clay mud absorbing my weight)......My Darling E is 5'11-6'0 depending on his shoes....we were putting together a 10x10' tent with a center pole that was like maybe 8'?!?!?!?! we broke it....he started laughing I started swearing....me getting more pissed by the second and him forcing himself to laugh ( BTW did I ever tell you guys he doesnt sware? you should hear it when he say " son of a beach!" it is halarious! And ppl wonder why I love him so much.....he does more than love and protect me, he makes me grateful to be alive still) so my blood pressure is boiling by now because he is laughing and I want to scream and cry......long story short it took us longer to put that tent together than it did anything else, including a 12x12' padio, it looks awsome......he is exhausted and asleep on the couch I was asleep in bed forawhile then something happened and I really am unsure what to do about them but think I need to be talling someone about them I tell E but he really just pushes past it....
I am haveing really bad nightmeres and some of them are logical about ppl and places I have been or know then some of them are just horrifying( ie...baby being murdered in frount of me while being tired to a chair)......makes me so damn afraid to sleep without him, I thought ok as long as he is sleeping with me it wont happen.......not true, even with him right beside me it is happening I am waking up moaning screaming sometimes covered in sweat sometimes running fo0r the bathroom hurling my guts out it seems so real at times. I dont know what to make of it....it is just weird and dont know what to do about it.............happen when I take my meds or dont same with my sleeping pills........nothing has really much changed lately in my meds just off the nurotin( caused me to end up with something heart failure (ask Amy I told her) it is from water around my heart) so now I have an increeased lasix amount but other than that nothing really lyrica and cembalta is increased as is the wellbutrin and xanix...........wish I wasnt taking so much, sometimes I go days at a time without taking my meds, I feel good so I dont right.......wonder why I am so screwy...........I AM trying to take better care of myself....I have a lot to live for, started with me finally getting my sugar levels under control.......I take my pills everyday and only have to take insulin 3 or 4 times a week now I love it..............at least it isnt 6 times a day like I was.........
Okay so I guess this blog is really long, just has been a lot going on and havent really been able to open up my mind or force myself to sit down long enough to write and I am so sorry for it...............
LOL
OTHER than all of that stuff ^^^^^^^ I am doing just great...........Madly in Love and Loving every moment of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love and HUgs,
Pamm
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