When pain outweighs pleasure
Looking For Myself...Sober
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
When pain outweighs pleasure
I have heard this alot lately. Even the last run I heard this from a couple people I was using with.
Only this past year has there been pain with my using. Before it was more along the lines of consequences.
So I wonder what the difference is.
Consequences to me are unpleasant events out of my control that are caused by using. But doesnt do anything more than interupt my use.
Personal pain is when regardless if there are consequences or not. Using just feels like defeat. Personally defeated in my own mind in my desire to stop using.
The pain lately has outweighed the consequences and the pleasure of using.
The pain is getting to the point where it even outweighs the pleasure of life wihout using as well.
I have heard that when this happens. There is a good chance to stop using.
So why dont I?
It's not fun. It hasnt been fun in a very long time. So why would someone want to keep doign this to themselves?
The amounts of money and time spent to be miserable.
It is so mind blowing. Most people when they are told the flame is hot would believe it and not touch it. Then there are the few that just have to see for themselves but learn after doing so. Then theres ones like me..who have been told..even tested that theory but still choose to burn themselves over and over again.
Complete insanity.
So does this really make me insane?
Am I so F***ed in the head now that I need serious menatal help as well?
It's like this crap just goes on and on in the madness.
Then I think still that if I just stay the hell away from the city I will be fine. But I never do.
So how much pain has to outweigh everything else for me to get it?
I really dont want to find out.
I am calling IOP right now.
Only this past year has there been pain with my using. Before it was more along the lines of consequences.
So I wonder what the difference is.
Consequences to me are unpleasant events out of my control that are caused by using. But doesnt do anything more than interupt my use.
Personal pain is when regardless if there are consequences or not. Using just feels like defeat. Personally defeated in my own mind in my desire to stop using.
The pain lately has outweighed the consequences and the pleasure of using.
The pain is getting to the point where it even outweighs the pleasure of life wihout using as well.
I have heard that when this happens. There is a good chance to stop using.
So why dont I?
It's not fun. It hasnt been fun in a very long time. So why would someone want to keep doign this to themselves?
The amounts of money and time spent to be miserable.
It is so mind blowing. Most people when they are told the flame is hot would believe it and not touch it. Then there are the few that just have to see for themselves but learn after doing so. Then theres ones like me..who have been told..even tested that theory but still choose to burn themselves over and over again.
Complete insanity.
So does this really make me insane?
Am I so F***ed in the head now that I need serious menatal help as well?
It's like this crap just goes on and on in the madness.
Then I think still that if I just stay the hell away from the city I will be fine. But I never do.
So how much pain has to outweigh everything else for me to get it?
I really dont want to find out.
I am calling IOP right now.
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