eccentricmuse

Are any of you in AA alcohol abusers, but non-alcoholics...and if so, what sort of insight/advice would you have to offer to those who would benefit by the program (in the sense of learning how to enjoy/manage one's life sober), but do not fit the definition of alcoholism in terms of the physical craving and increased tolerance? My life is definitely unmanageable, but I don't know that I am "powerless" over alcohol...this makes it tricky to work Step One! I do have a problem with alcohol though, in the sense that I have a psychological attachment to it that seems more intensified than that of a normal drinker's. I drink wine to self-medicate...numb out some emotions, and to feel other emotions more intensely (that I may feel disconnected from when I'm sober). I drink to combat social anxiety and writer's block/academic anxiety (caused by a bad case of perfectionism, which has led to my underachievement), and my chronic motivational issues. I drink to deal with my OCD tendencies. I drink to chase the fantasy of the tortured artist/alcoholic writer - whether or not it is actually true - and this is where I romance the bottle, though it is probably to some degree masochistic. I drink because I feel lonely, even though I know many wonderful people that I could reach out to. I drink because there is a huge gap between my head and my heart. I am a curious person and I love to learn, but has also led to my drinking because I overanalyze everything...at the same time, I find psychological conundrums fascinating which makes it difficult to let go of the overthinking that is making life far too complicated. I would say that drinking helps my thoughts and creativity flow, but I would also say I have become to a degree reliant on it for this purpose, so I feel anxious when I don't have it...and if I were to be honest, it doesn't necessarily help me become a better scholar because it is difficult to hold onto concepts while I'm reading or writing inebriated (particularly dense philosophical stuff)...and because my life is unmanageable, I don't get around to doing things I really want to do, like actually finish a book cover-to-cover. I am scatterbrained, addicted to daydreaming/fantasy - so I can't concentrate, and my emotions are all over the place. I am sorry to bother you with the 101+ reasons of why I drink...I know that listing them alone will not help. I know that I need to do *something* to improve my situation, but since I am not a "real" alcoholic I sorta feel like a poser when I walk into an AA meeting. Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Also, my problems started long before I even started drinking. I'm also a compulsive overeater and have been all my life, so it's possible that I just "switched addictions." I think what happened was that I felt really lost/out of control and so I deliberately created a drinking problem for myself so I would have an identifiable way to seek help...only I realize it is not so "identifiable" as I had presumed.

nogard

Welcome to SR em

Going by your words above your an Alcoholic.

In any event if your life is unmanageable then your in the right place

Cross addiction and switching addictions is quite common.

So hang around read posts in teh different forums and keep asking questions.

Best way to get something out of a program like AA is to get into, first step is to do daily meetings.

I found it was ctitical to my recovery to admit and accept that I am an adiict.

Kevin

Spiritual Seeker

The 12 steps have proven to be beneficial for many addictions
There is OA (overeaters anonymous)
You can't be just a little bit pregnant so maybe you can't be just a little bit addictive.
Don't worry if you get the label or not, stay in the solution.
Good luck to you in overcoming your struggles.

least

I started drinking a glass of wine in the early afternoon to relax so I wouldn't be so crabby when the kids came home from high school. It didn't take me long to realize (sort of) that I was drinking too much, too often, too early, and was drinking to become numb. I began to understand that my drinking was interfering, to put it mildly, with my relationship with my daughters. I felt so badly over this that I drank more so as to drown my bad feelings of guilt and shame.

My oldest daughter begged, nagged, and threatened me about quitting drinking. I said I would but I didn't. Truth was I couldn't. In December last year I admitted to my family that I was an alcoholic and wanted to stop drinking. I still couldn't stop. I've been to rehab/detox three times this year but it wasn't til the third time, last week, that I actually surrendered to my alcoholism. Now I have confidence that I can stop drinking one day at a time.

You say you drink wine to self medicate, to get numb. I think that in itself, not to mention the other reasons you gave for drinking, would hint to you that you are indeed a "real" alcoholic. Normal drinkers, social drinkers don't analyze and obscess over their drinking. Only those of us who have a serious problem with alcohol do this, because some part of us knows the truth that the other part of us won't admit: that we ARE powerless over alcohol and that because of that, our lives have become unmanageable.

Only you can determine if you are a "real" alcoholic, but to me, I know I am. I had some of your reasons for my drinking. Look honestly at yourself and you may find that your alcoholism is indeed "real". I hope you find the help you are asking for without realizing it.

eccentricmuse

I guess what confuses me is that I don't get the shakes when I stop drinking. If you don't mind me asking, how long did it take before you started experiencing physical withdrawal symptoms? I've only been drinking this heavily for a little over a year, so maybe that's why...Also, I don't think my body can metabolize hard liquor very well (I get hangovers very easily, and they are not just minor headaches - they involve severe nausea and throwing up)...so that's why I've stuck to wine and beer.

CarolD

Hi again....
I never knew what day or which drink slid me into alcoholism.
Don't confuse end stage alcoholism with the beginning of the disease.

Sooo...if you stop now you'll never
have to be a "real" aalcoholic.
For AA ...all yu need is the desire to quit drinking.

Addiction is such a complicated subject.
You may have missed this article...

How We Get Addicted - TIME

Hope this helps...

CarolD

Withdrawal sympthoms usually begin within a few hours
after your last drink. Hangovers are mild withdrawals.

If you take another drink. or two ..hangovers are less severe.
Same with de toxing from alcohol.

Also...
According to the U.S. CDC....on
using wine...beer...liquor...

Your body and mind processes all 3 toxins equally
so drinking only wine or only liquor or only beer
or mixing them is of no importance.
They all do the same damage.

Captain Kirk

Hi!
Welcome. There are lots of friendly people on here with good advice to share.
It sounds to me like you're an alc.
Good luck with your recovery.

Taking5

The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking. You have already stated that desire. You do not have to say you are powerless over alcohol. You do not even have to take the 12 steps. Even AA's big book says "Here are the steps we took which are suggested as a program of recovery".

So my advice is to go to AA. Go to several meetings, meeting like people have different personalities. Find a meeting you like. Get to know some people there. Show up early and stay late. Decide for yourself if AA is for you, which again, will likely take more than one meeting at more than one group.

Here is a great link on what to expect at your first meeting: Your First AA Meeting

After you have done this, you can decide on your own how AA can help you, if you want to work the steps, etc.

Good luck and let us know how you are doing.

Honu

Wow, yet another person who sounds like me! I drank my wine for the same reasons, but, all in all, I drank it for every reason! Happy, sad, to fit in, to numb loneliness, to celebrate, I really didn't need a reason, I really enjoy(ed) drinking my wine!

I can see you're struggling with the term "alcoholic", and I, too, don't particularly like that word. I've always seen the picture of an alcoholic in my head as a homeless old man on the street, drinking cheap wine and begging for money to buy another bottle of cheap wine. "That's not ME" I told myself.

Where alcohol leads us all are entirely different paths, as you can see if you read through the many posts here. "He" might be that person, but "I" might not be that, but, the fact is, that I drank too much, too often. I still held down my job, no one knew, so, in that respect, I was OK.

You can use terms for many things--is it a tissue? or a Kleenex? an elevator? or a lift? a rose bed? or a bed of roses?
You can call it whatever you like. Least said it correctly, most "normal drinkers" don't analyze their drinking. They don't worry about it, or remorse over it. So, I would think that you definitely fit the profile.

It's all semantics, anyway. You are the only person who can tell you if you have a problem or not. If you really want to know, the best thing to do is to educate yourself on the subject. Stay away from it for a while. See what happens. CAN you stay away from it and it not bother you anymore? If not, you're one of the lucky ones.

Alcohol never wins us friends, makes us money, gets us healthy, or truly enhances our lives in any way. In fact, it's the opposite.

When I stopped, several times, I never had any "withdrawal" symptoms. Luckily. So, I don't believe that if you don't get the "shakes", that that means anything. Just that you're lucky.

Best wishes for you!

Just keep reading, and see if drinking makes your life better, more productive, happier, etc.

Stick with us! You will learn a lot here at SR.

Hugs,
Honu

And, to Least, I am SO happy to read your post here! Congratulations!! I was so worried about you! You are an inspiration to me!!!!

tellus

I only drank for three(ish) years, and had virtually no physical withdrawal symptoms, but I've also heard of people who drank MUCH less than I did who got terrible withdrawals. I'm not sure that withdrawal severity is a very accurate parameter to go by.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

There is lots of good advice here.

Just because you don't have physical withdrawl symptoms, doesn't mean you're not an alcoholic. At any rate, since you believe your life is is unmanageable, I think you'll find lots of information and support here.

Horselover

I would drink wine every day from 4 pm until bedtime. I had no withdrawals, but drinking ever day from 4 pm until bedtime is not a normal drinker. Its a "progressive" disease and I decided before it progressed to the point of being so hard I would have more problems withdrawing from it and I might have more medical side effects I decided it was as bad as I wanted it to get.

By the way, I have been drinking this way for years and I had no physical side effects. I believe I was VERY lucky that I didn't.

Also, as a side note, I do not drink hard liquor or white wine, but I still am an alcoholic. I know once I have one glass of the red vino I will have another and another and another . . . That my dear is an alcoholic who is powerless.

Welcome to SR and I hope it helps you as it has helped me.