SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Thanks everyone.

Oh cmc, how did I do it? Sometimes my brain is like Swiss cheese and I can’t articulate at all.

Just come back from a 10km run over very rough hilly terrain, not only did I do it comfortable I did it in pretty good time. Not bad for a 56 year old recovering addict eh J

Well my story is in the recovery stories forum, but here is a summary. Also I should say that its not 3 years until 21st and its currently Sun 18th here.

I was born in a little village called Sompting on the south coast of England. I have two older brothers and a younger sister. We were very poor, but that was ok. Mum and Dad where very strong Catholics and we grew up with Catholicism for brekky lunch and dins, I rejected it an early age as I could not reconcile the fights and arguments Mum and Dad had. I seemed to be the one to stop the fights and look after the family, I remember this from as young s being a 5 year old and that’s when my disease started as well I believe. In pictures as a 5 year old I smile but look angry.

When I was 9 I saw some kids riding around on their bikes in the park sniffing glue, I joined them and although it was not full-on, that’s where my drug use started. By the time I was 13 I had discovered speed and hash. I felt like I had arrived and that fitted in with the times too. It was 1964 and music was my love, The Stones, The Beatles, the Who and later Jimi, the Doors, Dylan… I spent the next 13 years taking more and more drugs and travelling around listening to all those wonderful bands from the USA and the UK, no regrets about the Music I still love it.

However, my drug use progressed, my Drug of Choice was really MORE. I have clear memories of waking up reaching out and lighting the joint from when I crashed, getting up counting out all the speed (pills) into 100’s and taking the broken ones and crumbs for starters, more hash and then off out to sell some pills and score as many drugs for me as possible usually coke and morphine….

When I was 25 all of that was long gone, I had an OD many times spent around 4 years in prison. I weighed under 7 stone and was very sick I bought stuff from chemist and siphoned off the codeine, stole to get more drugs, picked butts up to smoke.

Finally I broke into my Parents house and my Dad came back and I picked up his shotgun and threatened him. This landed me back in jail for a week, where to my horror I was put in a padded cell and went through agony for a few days.

When I got back out I knew I was an addict and I knew I was dying and I reached out for help for the first time. I found a self-help Community in Earls Court in London called Elizabeth House and I stayed clean, got well there and got healthy. I went to Uni started designing games and became very successful, outwardly had a great life.

Here is the rub though. I stayed clean for 20 years but I believed I was no longer addict that I was cured. I become well off and well known in a small circle of software developers wrote books and travelled. Inside I was not happy I was always restless and I was extremely volatile. I was always searching fro something more – sound familiar? I spent so much time on money on trying to get a spiritual life, I laugh now as I realise I always had one, but like other parts of me it was sick.

Slowly as time went on I moved further from my support and finally left England and moved to Australia with my partner who is Australian. One year after we arrived here Chloe was born; she is 22 now and such a joy.

I started a business and it snowballed we did very well. One day I was sitting in a pub with a client and he had to leave early. He left behind a full bottle of wine, I didn’t drink at that point. Without thinking I picked up that bottle and drank it. 11 years passed and I drunk everything including my spirit, I used alcohol the same way I used all drugs to oblivion.

I came to one Saturday morning on the floor, I was soaking wet as I had peed myself and could not crawl across the floor to put the kettle on. I was alone broke disgusted and not to be trusted. I was dying again, I had drunk through a stroke, and I was hopeless and so, so alone.

I did what I talk about on these forums. I reached out and I asked for help, my head didn’t like the help that came but I took it and slowly dragging and kicking and screaming I came into recovery via SR and AA and then NA

The first 9 months I stayed clean and sane on meetings and then as my sanity started to slip I realised I would have to reach out again, I asked a lovely man if he would be my sponsor and guide me through the steps, he said yes and that process still goes on and he is one of my two closest friends.

I had debts of around 250,000 when I cam into recovery in 3 years I have paid off half that and I pay my bills on time. I work as a contractor and have been working at an easier job for less money so that I can do the things I need to do in recovery and in life. I look after and exercise my body, my mind and especially my spirit.

After all that searching I over the last 3 years I discovered myself and as I let the past, the hatred and anger and the fear go, I opened up slowly and I began to see myself. So hard to explain, those of you who know will remember me talking of waking up in the morning, singing and playing with the dogs, that was about finding myself, seeing myself clearly and accepting what I saw and having the courage to change the things I can. One night I phoned my sponsor about something and he said go home and sit with it, don’t go to a meeting and that was when I did that bit we talk about ‘closer conscious contact with my HP’ and its wonderful. I always know everything will be ok regardless of what happens, I have moments, sometimes days of feeling so complete and so at ease and get this! Not wanting or needing anything more. I feel loved and I love. I have stopped searching; I found myself and within me have found my spiritual connection with everyone and everything.

I get up in the morning, read the just for today while eating brekky, say the serenity prayer, say the 3rd step prayer and into my day. I try to not act before I think, but I am not perfect and sometimes…. I still do 3 meetings a week, spend time with members and go to a detox to carry the message. I also look after the NA local website and am the asst treasurer the Victorian NA Area Service Committee. I do this as I get well one day @ a time because others did this before me and because it helps me, so I pass it along.

My HP NA SR and members has held me through my Fathers Death, my daughter’s difficulties and friends struggling. The Steps have given me a freedom I did not know existed and they keep me growing and learning.

I didn’t get this from a syringe or a pill, what I have today gives me everything I thought drugs would and then some!

Happy customer here and happy to be with you, happy to be alive J

Whew I said quite a lot. If you read it all I hope your head stops spinning soon!

How is that cmc?

Kevin