four812

oh how I want to run away from lonliness. i'm noticing how big a part this plays in my addiction. self medicating to push it away.

I've been feeling the lonely-ees, and sorry-ees very strongly today. I feel the physical pain in my gut. I'm breathing it in...breathing through this pain, but i'm in the middle of the ocean and I don't know if there is a shoreline. It is nice when at least the winds die down a bit and the waters calm now and then.

NOT doing it again
ksplash

Anna

You're doing the right thing.

I also self-medicated away all the negative emotions. But, in the end, I had to go through all those feelings to get through to other side. You can do this and it will get so much easier.

Remember, they are just feelings, they are not you.

tkdan

I find that I'm much more social now that I have a little sober time. I never realized how much I would isolate myself when drinking. Like Anna said it gets easier. Hang in there.

gravity

For some time, it did feel like it was me against the world. I started attending AA in December and it took a few months before I felt "at home". I have made a few friends in AA and I have also learned to accept myself, enjoy life - I really don't mind being alone anymore. I also re-connected with other people (non-drinkers) outside of the program. The was always a great life out there waiting for me but I had to make the first moves and be patient.

Keep reaching out. There are so many of us that are working our way through this and we take care of each other.

serenityqueen

[

The last few years I was active in my addiction, I isolated myself, sat in my misery and focused on how lonley I was. I drank because I was so lonley. Or so I thought. Now I know, I was lonley because I drank!

Once I got clean, I began to come out of my tomb. I had been going to meetings from day one because, I believe for me, I wouldn't have been able to stay clean and sober and begin my Recovery with them. At first, I snuck in right before the meeting started and as soon as it was over, I zipped out the door so fast. I didn't dare speak. The more I listened, the more I learned that I could be happy. I begin to talk to others and soon made many friends in the Program. This also lead to friendships outside the Rooms.

I think one of the reasons that SR is so successful is that it gives us the opportunity to begin to share in the safety and comfort of our homes. Soon, the courage develops to open up more and then, there is no time to be lonley. We are in Recovery.

Keep Coming Back and sharing with us. One Day at A Time,
Judy

Honu

Ksplash, I know how you feel.

It's nice to have people to "talk to" here.

I have a real trust issue, I have been betrayed so much, and have found that I isolated because I was sick of it, and would rather be alone. However, the "alone-ness" gets very, very old.

I'm scared to put myself out there again, but, this, to me, is my Baby Steps.

I'm right there with ya!

Honu

Tazman53

My final 5 years of drinking I retreated from the world, I sat in my garage and drank alone. A very important part of my recovery has been not isolating, going to meetings has helped immensely in me becoming a part of the world again.

The steps also made a huge difference for me, because today I can be alone in peace with myself and the world.

mle-sober

Ksplash,

I feel lonely even when I'm surrounded by people. I have 4 kids and my husband works half his time from home. My parents and my siblings live nearby. But I still feel lonely. When my husband's big family comes to visit, I feel even lonlier. I think this is because I feel different and alienated. I used alcohol to smooth over that feeling of being unseen, invisible, unheard. I could join in the fun when I was drunk. But now I'm sober and I am again turned into this small person with no voice. I hardly ever use my real voice in my life. (I use it here all the time!) The things that occupy my thoughts don't seem relevant or important enough to share with others. I don't know. It's wierd. But I do feel lonely. All the time. Like I'm an invisible person inside a fake person.

I'm sorry you feel lonely too. I've been reading a lot about sobriety and I think it gets better. I hope so.

- MLE

Rowan

Lonely! Can I relate! I, too, can relate to the previous poster feeling lonely while being surrounded by people. Thankfully, that doesn't happen as often today, and I know that it doesn't last for long. Slowly but surely, I am beginning to connect with others in the real world, and especially with my women friends who are in recovery. They are helping to validate me, and my feelings, and that makes the loneliness easier to bear when it does occur. Thank God for recovery. I remember how alone I used to feel.

Time2Surrender

I know the feeling. And it sucks. Try and work through this with your sponsor if you have one. Dont do what I have done MANY times in the past by temp fixxing it with a relationship. Theres not enough bandwidth here for me to post about my experiences on that one. I have always had a hard time staying away from relationships with women. I dont have a steady GF right now and Im kinda diggin it. I do what I want when I want. Like for instance this morning, I loaded up one of my quads and spent the day alone riding trails in the woods.(Not exactly the safest thing to do. The Tillamook State Forest is a BIG place. But I always let someone know where I am going) Never felt lonely. God was with me. And my quad.

barb dwyer

In early sobriety we 'come to' and suddenly realize just how much we'd replaced everyone in our lives with our drug of choice.
It happens for everyone.
You're not alone in that.
You're not alone, period, in fact.

This too, shall pass.
you don't believe me right now -
and I wouldn't have believed you when I first sobered up either.
But it DOES pass.

four812

thanks for all your resonses.

today is my fourth day clean and sober. I am feeling very terrible today. I have screwed things up in my head. I hope I haven't ruined everything and began descending into depression. I've been at work all day and have been paranoid and sad and remorseful and alone and avoiding everybody. I don't know what to do with myself.

hanging in there anyway

sailorjohn

One thing to remember, you lost that constant companion-your drug of choice-and that might account for a little of your loneliness.

tennis71

You cannot run away from loneliness; loneliness is caused by running away.

:HONYnewyear025firew

CarolD

Hmm..I think
this is an ideal time for you to
find a face to face recovery meeting.

Good to see you are still making progress.
:

gravity

It took me a while to get the hang of it but "this too shall pass" is an absolute truth. Don't be so hard on yourself. This takes time and it will get better - guaranteed.

I fully agree with Anna - consider checking out some face to face recovery meetings/programs.

four812

actually today is my fourth day sober. I'm feeling a lot better than yesterday. I saw my life, the waste and the emptiness and the loss of being alive so vividly the last 2 days. so in my day off from work today I had some very nice moments.

I'm now officially moved in with my girlfriend of the last three years. she has been through so much pain because of my using. today I gave her and her daughter and my daughter my best loving kindness in actions and I'm grateful for that.

I can do this and I can't make it all better at once. I can do this one day at a time. Maybe I'll go to a meeting tomorrow. it's been a few weeks. just to listen even...i've talked to much at meetings anyway. Listen and watch how others are suceeding and struggling. no comparing. no judging if possible.

bigredme

The biggest trigger for me was loneliness. I often used to find myself at crowded places (parties, etc) with people I LIKED, feeling like I was the last person on the planet and I remember just wanting to make that sick feeling in my gut go away. I wanted to feel part of it and didn't. A good cure for this tends to be helping others. Volunteer somewhere. Make someone smile...even if it's only pausing a few extra seconds to hold a door open for someone. Engaging in behaviors that utilize the nurturer in you gets rid of a lot of those feeling of loneliness. And if you still feel lonely...you have a nice memory of a good interaction from the day on which to train your focus. I hope the loneliness lifts from you soon. Stay here with us and keep us updated on how you're doing. you can make that part of your "help someone else" plan!
xoxo
bigred

four812

I can't sleep and I feel lonely.

I don't want to use but I want something. food. contact. that knawing in my gut and my weird stinking thinking is really hurting right now. I don't want to use to get rid of this stuff because right now I know that will not help but will only make it worse.

besides I don't want to do it again, to use again...i want to live before I die. really live. to be able to spontaneously take in and accept life exactly as it unfolds.


3am.....

Aysha

These feelings could be causes from coming off drinking. I know the first couple weeks at least when I clean up is depression hell. But after that week or two i start to snap out of it.
Your right drinking will do nothing but make it worse and prolong any other issues you may have.
Talk to a Dr if you feel you need to.