New to this..
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi again...
I think it's important to know about the disease of alcoholism.
I strongly suggest you read either
:Under The Influence" or "Beyond The Influence"
At the very least...check out this link to excerpts from "Under"
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Best of luck...
I think it's important to know about the disease of alcoholism.
I strongly suggest you read either
:Under The Influence" or "Beyond The Influence"
At the very least...check out this link to excerpts from "Under"
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Best of luck...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,397
Welcome Candlechick!
Hoping your plan to bypass the grocery store worked! I successfully cart around four kids, and although I'm not currently working -- am the consumate volunteer (can't say no). By all outward appearances I too am "supermom" -- but I know the truth.
Sometimes I can control my drinking -- but most times I can't. I've tried NUMEROUS times to stop, but letting go of the better images of drinking -- what you called the celebratory glass of wine -- a good bloody mary or a cold, shaken martini amongst friends is the hardest part. Gets me every time.
On day 2 again, though, and aiming for at least one more.
I'm so glad you've shared and look forward to getting to know you. Hope you check in tomorrow with an update whatever that may be.
:ghug
Hoping your plan to bypass the grocery store worked! I successfully cart around four kids, and although I'm not currently working -- am the consumate volunteer (can't say no). By all outward appearances I too am "supermom" -- but I know the truth.
Sometimes I can control my drinking -- but most times I can't. I've tried NUMEROUS times to stop, but letting go of the better images of drinking -- what you called the celebratory glass of wine -- a good bloody mary or a cold, shaken martini amongst friends is the hardest part. Gets me every time.
On day 2 again, though, and aiming for at least one more.
I'm so glad you've shared and look forward to getting to know you. Hope you check in tomorrow with an update whatever that may be.
:ghug
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 10
Ashamed, no success at bypassing the wine last night. Need to learn what triggers the behavior, had a mild argument with hubby right before going home, automatically sends me there. This forum feels good, though, healthy and honest. Thanks to all.
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Candlechick,
I'm sorry. I'm glad you were honest here about what happened. And I'm really, really glad you are here. Now it's time to start getting more honest with yourself. I know that sounds bold and a little harsh. But you very lightly and jokingly admitted you were in denial and it was as if it was something to kind of giggle about between friends. You are in denial. I know this - I've been there.
Fighting with my husband is one of my big triggers too. Probably the biggest. But that doesn't mean that if I stopped fighting with my husband completely and things were completely harmonious in our household all the time, that I would cease drinking. That's a lie that your disease is telling you if you think it's just a matter of identifying and elmiminating the triggers. Or learning different coping skills.
Did you read the link that Carol sent you above? At least, as a starting point, read that link. One of the statement you make in your first post of this thread is that you don't understand how you can start the day with a solemn decision not to drink and end the day drunk. This link will help answer that question, I think. And perhaps help you envision the possibility that there is a solution.
With concern,
MLE
I'm sorry. I'm glad you were honest here about what happened. And I'm really, really glad you are here. Now it's time to start getting more honest with yourself. I know that sounds bold and a little harsh. But you very lightly and jokingly admitted you were in denial and it was as if it was something to kind of giggle about between friends. You are in denial. I know this - I've been there.
Fighting with my husband is one of my big triggers too. Probably the biggest. But that doesn't mean that if I stopped fighting with my husband completely and things were completely harmonious in our household all the time, that I would cease drinking. That's a lie that your disease is telling you if you think it's just a matter of identifying and elmiminating the triggers. Or learning different coping skills.
Did you read the link that Carol sent you above? At least, as a starting point, read that link. One of the statement you make in your first post of this thread is that you don't understand how you can start the day with a solemn decision not to drink and end the day drunk. This link will help answer that question, I think. And perhaps help you envision the possibility that there is a solution.
With concern,
MLE
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I am sooo please you bought "Under The Influence"
It literally saved me from insanity
by explaining why I continued to drink
when I desired to stop.
I was not crazy... evil or hexed...Eureka!
My brain and liver enzymes were not processing alcohol correctly.
Try to think of drinking in this mannner
rather than a moral failing.
Mega Hug
It literally saved me from insanity
by explaining why I continued to drink
when I desired to stop.
I was not crazy... evil or hexed...Eureka!
My brain and liver enzymes were not processing alcohol correctly.
Try to think of drinking in this mannner
rather than a moral failing.
Mega Hug
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 10
It's almost as if I have a fear of NOT drinking at night when I arrive home....and there is no explanation for it, my children are loving and kind, my husband and I have a good, sometimes troubled marriage, but who doesn't? I work hard during the day, feel very productive when I'm at home....I really need to make a big change for myself and my family. It's a lot more complicated than I realized, and I don't want the change to happen because something tragic occurs forcing me into sobriety...I want to be strong enough to make the change myself.
Sewer Dweller
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Chi-Town
Posts: 34
One day at a time, maybe you should break your evening routine? Instead of going straight home or to the grocery store after work, try to get hubby to goto a movie, or spend some time with kids somewhere other than home. Part of my addiction transends beyond the alcohol, but also to my addictive routine.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 10
Good advice, thank you. Have to stop viewing my behavior as "habitual", but addictive. Can't masque it with excuse after excuse. Must admit that every day by this time I'm looking very forward to being in my kitchen cooking for my family with a good bottle of wine open...
Hannitized
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 353
Originally Posted by Candlechick 
It's almost as if I have a fear of NOT drinking at night when I arrive home....and there is no explanation for it, my children are loving and kind, my husband and I have a good, sometimes troubled marriage, but who doesn't? I work hard during the day, feel very productive when I'm at home....I really need to make a big change for myself and my family. It's a lot more complicated than I realized, and I don't want the change to happen because something tragic occurs forcing me into sobriety...I want to be strong enough to make the change myself.
You are so me.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
Candlechick
Welcome and I am sorry to arrive so late to your thread but thank you so much for posting and for being real.
I had the exact same routine going with the good wine, business owner, successful...etc. but little by little, i was feeling unfree, depressed, remote and isolated from any true or real connections with people. Every morning I felt exhausted and moderate at best, or worse, hungover and queasy.
I too wanted to quit before I would be forced to by some tragedy, and I did.
What works for me is a combination of coming here to SR daily, AA involvement, a peaceful, spiritually centered lifestyle and of course, not drinking. For me, the worst years were those that I controled my wine consumption. I would always be thinking of when is it time for my first glass of wine? Then, of course, I never stopped at the 2nd glass. Or if so, it was very rare.
It is way better, in my book, to be freed from that mental drain.
Good luck to you. Glad you are reading that book. its really good.
Welcome and I am sorry to arrive so late to your thread but thank you so much for posting and for being real.
I had the exact same routine going with the good wine, business owner, successful...etc. but little by little, i was feeling unfree, depressed, remote and isolated from any true or real connections with people. Every morning I felt exhausted and moderate at best, or worse, hungover and queasy.
I too wanted to quit before I would be forced to by some tragedy, and I did.
What works for me is a combination of coming here to SR daily, AA involvement, a peaceful, spiritually centered lifestyle and of course, not drinking. For me, the worst years were those that I controled my wine consumption. I would always be thinking of when is it time for my first glass of wine? Then, of course, I never stopped at the 2nd glass. Or if so, it was very rare.
It is way better, in my book, to be freed from that mental drain.
Good luck to you. Glad you are reading that book. its really good.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 39
Wine is also my drink of choice (and I'm also a compulsive overeater).
I'm a student, so the bulk of my work is done at home...where I can have a glass of wine next to me...actually, it got to the point where my life became unmanageable (this all started before I drank wine regularly to "cope"), I was way too stressed out to be a functional student, and I found myself spending a lot of time at home, by myself drinking...often not going to class (and this was while my roommates were away at their classes/jobs, which exemplified the isolation). Even when I started creating art again - something that should've made me happy - the isolation that went along with the drinking (and apart from the drinking?! I'm not really sure which came first) made it difficult to FEEL connected to people and integrated into the artistic community, even though I was part of that community. Lately I've been studying at coffee shops, where I'm drinking coffee instead of wine!
What about substituting coffee, tea or energy drinks for wine? Caffeine produces a nice little buzz, although if you're trying to relax tea might be better. Are you drinking also because you feel like you need more personal space, and wine gives you that feeling while allowing you to perform your household/familial duties (I live in a crowded apartment and hardly get privacy when people are home, so I'd turn to wine to create a psychological barrier, while not feeling disturbed if someone did try to talk to me because I'd been drinking)? I believe that positive alone time is necessary (this is different from isolation). Is there some way you can have an hour or two to yourself to read, watch a movie, or pursue some kind of hobby?
I'm a student, so the bulk of my work is done at home...where I can have a glass of wine next to me...actually, it got to the point where my life became unmanageable (this all started before I drank wine regularly to "cope"), I was way too stressed out to be a functional student, and I found myself spending a lot of time at home, by myself drinking...often not going to class (and this was while my roommates were away at their classes/jobs, which exemplified the isolation). Even when I started creating art again - something that should've made me happy - the isolation that went along with the drinking (and apart from the drinking?! I'm not really sure which came first) made it difficult to FEEL connected to people and integrated into the artistic community, even though I was part of that community. Lately I've been studying at coffee shops, where I'm drinking coffee instead of wine!
What about substituting coffee, tea or energy drinks for wine? Caffeine produces a nice little buzz, although if you're trying to relax tea might be better. Are you drinking also because you feel like you need more personal space, and wine gives you that feeling while allowing you to perform your household/familial duties (I live in a crowded apartment and hardly get privacy when people are home, so I'd turn to wine to create a psychological barrier, while not feeling disturbed if someone did try to talk to me because I'd been drinking)? I believe that positive alone time is necessary (this is different from isolation). Is there some way you can have an hour or two to yourself to read, watch a movie, or pursue some kind of hobby?
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 428
Candal- I completely relate to you. I am just 30 days into AA and still question how it is possible that I have the life of what for so long I considered to be a non-alcoholics life. I never miss work. As a matter of fact I am a work-a-holic to a degree. I am constantly helping others around me. I have a successful job, home, the two-cars and a great husband! Yet... I also could not do without the wine. For a long time it was just at night. Everynight. Then in the past couple years I acutally started drinking on the job. And no one noticed! It just progressed from there.
One night after several bloody mary's poolside I called a close friend and told her I had a problem with alcohol and I wanted her to ask me if I told my husband about it tomorrow. My husband came home.... I told him... he has been very supportive. I went to an AA meeting the next day and have been trying to do it since. It is a struggle and when I first walked in I seriously did not think it would be for me. But I got my 30 day chip this week and I am really trying to figure out day by day how to make this work.
It has to work! I can not go back to the desperation.
I wish you the best of luck. Try to get to an AA meeting if you can.
One night after several bloody mary's poolside I called a close friend and told her I had a problem with alcohol and I wanted her to ask me if I told my husband about it tomorrow. My husband came home.... I told him... he has been very supportive. I went to an AA meeting the next day and have been trying to do it since. It is a struggle and when I first walked in I seriously did not think it would be for me. But I got my 30 day chip this week and I am really trying to figure out day by day how to make this work.
It has to work! I can not go back to the desperation.
I wish you the best of luck. Try to get to an AA meeting if you can.
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