stone

Some history of me....I was 6 months sober on Jan 1st and drank, I have been drinking for one or two days at time since then. Sometimes weekly and sometimes every two weeks.
The only reason it didnt last longer than 2 days each time is because my body cannot handle alcohol anymore, hasn't been able to for a few years now.
So after 2 days drinking I am in agony with my stomach for the next 2 days and also a general poisoned feeling that is intense, plus I get severe depression and anxiety afterwards too.
Two days of drinking takes a minimum of five days to semi-recover then I do it all over again...insane. I drink until I blackout or pass out.

Today was the first time since January that when I really wanted to drink...I didn't. I was actually walking up the road to buy it and turned around and came back home.

My major trigger since January has been headaches, they started around Christmas and were the worst headaches I have ever had, they were every single day for a couple of months and totally stopped me from doing anything at all. I could only go to bed and close my eyes for some relief. This became extremely tiring and depressing and in the end I was drinking because of it.

The headaches have been less frequent for the last two months but still debilitating and I had one today and the thought of just going to bed and waiting for it pass was depressing. So I thought of drinking.

I am sober 18 days and didnt want to throw it away though, I have been reading recovery books, meditating, walking and recommitted myself to recovery...but I still nearly did it...but I didnt!

This feels like a turning point. Each time we beat a severe craving/obsession in early recovery we gain strength

My Doctor seems to think the headaches are tension headaches but they have gone on so long now I am going to re-emphasise their severity when I next see him, which is tuesday.

Anyway, sorry for rambling. I wanted to kind of journal it.

suki44883

Congratulations on not drinking! It's true what they say...drinking is a choice, and a choice that takes planning. If we can catch ourselves during the planning stages, we have a good chance of not drinking.

parentrecovers

really glad you didn't drink today, stone. really grateful you turned around on that walk and came here and posted.

grateful. hugs. k

Anna

Hi Stone,

Good for you!

I understand how exhausting and depressing it is to have chronic pain. That was one of the reasons that I started drinking. I had a lot of pain and I couldn't sleep and it seemed like such a good idea at the time. Oh well! Anyways, please do talk to your dr again and tell him how you feel. Don't accept that you have to live with the pain.

Honu

Stone,

Congratulations on not drinking today!

Regarding your headaches, if they continue, consider asking your Doctor for a CAT scan...There may be some reason that he can't know yet, that can help him to help you.

Just a suggestion...

Again, I'm proud of you!!

Honu

stone

Thanks guys.

Anna, every time I get determined to have it out with my Doc the pain seems to get better for a few days so I dont do it...I will definitely do it on Tuesday though. Five months of pain is a bit much and recovery is hard enough some times without pain too.

stone

Honu, yea I think some kind of scan is in order. Thankyou.

Toomutch

Stone,

I am glad that you didn't drink!
As for the headaches; go back to the doctor and tell him what you told us.
You're in my prayers.

Suzette

stone

Thanks Suzette, the Doctor doesn't really know how bad they are/have been. So you are right, he needs to know.

Hevyn

So proud of you, Stone! You and I are at about the same point with it, I think. The ONLY reason I decided to give it up on Jan. 14 is because I now feel poisoned when I drink. That may not be a very good reason, but it's the truth. My body used to be able to come back from a binge, but no more. I had headaches alot the first month I was sober, but they stopped. We need to figure out why, even when it's totally illogical - we would consider drinking again when we know it's no longer fun, relaxing, exciting, helpful, or any of the things it once was for us. It's been explained over and over, but I still don't get why the thought of drinking would even cross our minds, knowing what we know! I admit it, I still think of having a few too. So far, I've been able to push the thoughts out of my head. Thanks for coming here and honestly sharing, Stone, it is so appreciated. Love, Joanie

LibertyorDeath

I wanted to drink last night and again this afternoon. Those old rationalizations were playing over and over in my head, for a time. Thankfully, I was able to overcome the craving. I wish I could rid myself of it altogether but it's always there...waiting for a Friday evening or a Saturday afternoon to rear its ugly head. I know how you feel and I know what a victory it is to overcome that calling.

Congratulations!!! Keep fighting the good fight!


Liberty~ (13 glorious days and nights sober!)

gypsytears

Ya think :brick ???

DEMAND A BRAIN SCAN!!!

* I do believe I have said that before.

Good job on turning around and not giving in... and good for you for posting about it. You know they say cravings only last what? Like 7 minutes? That's enough time to take a shower or cook some eggs or watch some goofy clips on youtube or something, anything while you wait it out. Love and support to you stoney .

Jomey

Hey Stone - So proud you didn't drink! I have a massive headache myself today, so I am not going to stick around SR long tonight, but just wanted to say GREAT JOB! I know my headache will be gone by morning - YOU, my friend, need to get with the doctor! Love ya, Jomey

nogard

I remember that 'I aint gonna do it anymore' and then pickin up anyway so disheartening. That only stopped when I asked for help and took the help offered without question. I mean I used to take any drink or drug without question so whay not go to the same lengths to get well.

Fantastic stone One day @ a time

Kevin

Rusty Zipper

stone'y... happy your feets took ya back home!

love ya ubunbro!

CarolD

Mega Hugs and Healing Prayers zinging your way
(+) (+) (+)

stone

It sure feels good to wake up this morning not having drank yesterday! :bounce

Thanks for all you comments everyone.

Honu

It's cunning and baffling.

Honu

stone

It is insane too. I was trying to convince myself I wasn't an alcoholic...so what do I then do 'because I am not an alcoholic'? Drink alcohol!

Honu

Isn't that just the most weirdest thing! I hated the idea of being an alcoholic, so I drank to "erase" the thought......Insane!