first post
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Hometown is Kitchener, Ontario Canada but living in Costa Rica
Posts: 4
first post
hey, i've got some problems which i have had for a long time. (some of them). alcohol being the primary addiction, since the age of 19 (i am 33 now), i then became addicted to opiates 5 years ago, and finished methadone treatment 1 yr ago (took 3 years to get off the methadone), but now for the last 5 months or so, i am taking clonazepam, a benzodiazepine, which i have developed a huge tolerance to, by abusing it (taking more than i should).
i am from canada, and am living in costa rica for the last 14 months, and for the last couple months i have been off and on codeine, which is available over the counter as 30mg codeine/500 acedominiphen, and also tramadol.
last week, i made a big step by walking into the only pharmacy in town, and asked the pharmacist to never sell me any opiates or related products, he shook my hand and said in spanish, yes, its better for your health.
its very difficult living in costa rica, since alcohol is so accepted, and just about everyone i know drinks, and every day i say this is the last day, but of course it never happens.
i have been having suicidal thoughts, however i do receive alot of support from my mother who is a therapist and has worked with many drug/alcohol addicts, however i have been lying to her lately telling her that i have given up alcohol except for saturdays, and have quit smoking, which i haven't.
the thing is, a good friend of my mother wants to invest in something here in costa rica, and my hobby is to study and learn about reptiles and amphibians. it has been my interest since the age of 10, and the reason i am living in costa rica is to learn more, and i work as a tour guide at a frog exhibit. my mother's friend may loan me the money to start a snake/frog zoo here in costa rica, and i feel so much guilt trying to prove to them that i am getting better when really, im stuck in the same position i've been in for a long time.
i am not sure where to start. i have started working with the "addiction recovery workbook", which my mother bought for me, but everyday after work, i end up wasting my time drinking, and doing nothing positive.
guilt and shame are not helping. i have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, which at least for the depression, have been taking pills on and off, but its hopeless to take these drugs while on alcohol every day. i drink an average of 750ml of vodka, and 3 beers per night.
i figured here at work in between guiding people around the frog zoo, i would start here for some support, and maybe i can help others as well, with my experience.
i need to work on cognative behavioral therapy as well, because my negative thoughts, are not really always a reality. i am beginning to "see the sun" now, living here, and with the possiblity of owning my own business. i am in the right place i think, other than the fact that costa ricans accept alcohol, and its too easily available and affordable.
anyways, that's all for now, i'll look around the site and see what's up.
i am from canada, and am living in costa rica for the last 14 months, and for the last couple months i have been off and on codeine, which is available over the counter as 30mg codeine/500 acedominiphen, and also tramadol.
last week, i made a big step by walking into the only pharmacy in town, and asked the pharmacist to never sell me any opiates or related products, he shook my hand and said in spanish, yes, its better for your health.
its very difficult living in costa rica, since alcohol is so accepted, and just about everyone i know drinks, and every day i say this is the last day, but of course it never happens.
i have been having suicidal thoughts, however i do receive alot of support from my mother who is a therapist and has worked with many drug/alcohol addicts, however i have been lying to her lately telling her that i have given up alcohol except for saturdays, and have quit smoking, which i haven't.
the thing is, a good friend of my mother wants to invest in something here in costa rica, and my hobby is to study and learn about reptiles and amphibians. it has been my interest since the age of 10, and the reason i am living in costa rica is to learn more, and i work as a tour guide at a frog exhibit. my mother's friend may loan me the money to start a snake/frog zoo here in costa rica, and i feel so much guilt trying to prove to them that i am getting better when really, im stuck in the same position i've been in for a long time.
i am not sure where to start. i have started working with the "addiction recovery workbook", which my mother bought for me, but everyday after work, i end up wasting my time drinking, and doing nothing positive.
guilt and shame are not helping. i have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, which at least for the depression, have been taking pills on and off, but its hopeless to take these drugs while on alcohol every day. i drink an average of 750ml of vodka, and 3 beers per night.
i figured here at work in between guiding people around the frog zoo, i would start here for some support, and maybe i can help others as well, with my experience.
i need to work on cognative behavioral therapy as well, because my negative thoughts, are not really always a reality. i am beginning to "see the sun" now, living here, and with the possiblity of owning my own business. i am in the right place i think, other than the fact that costa ricans accept alcohol, and its too easily available and affordable.
anyways, that's all for now, i'll look around the site and see what's up.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Have you heard about SMART recovery?
They do cognative behavioral therapy .
Please check out this list...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html
Welcome to SR!
They do cognative behavioral therapy .
Please check out this list...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html
Welcome to SR!
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
Welcome to SR - Glad You Found Us!
If you're Mom is a therapist, then she will definately understand. I think the people who don't understand addiction are the ones who, if they understand that we just can't quit, they think that it's easy. I've had people tell me to be strong and just make up my mind and do it.
We know it's not that simple. But at the same time, millions and millions of people have done it, including me.
Congratulations on telling on yourself with the Pharmacist. I did the same thing when I finally "got it" in Juy of '05. That's a huge step, cutting off the supply. Good for you. You're fortunate that there is only one pharmacy, my notifying took a long, long time, but it was worth it.
Stick around with us, check out the different forums, and read and post as often as you like, that's why we're here. And your posts do help others to realize that they are not alone in this struggle.
Thanks for sharing and God Bless,
Judy
If you're Mom is a therapist, then she will definately understand. I think the people who don't understand addiction are the ones who, if they understand that we just can't quit, they think that it's easy. I've had people tell me to be strong and just make up my mind and do it.
We know it's not that simple. But at the same time, millions and millions of people have done it, including me.
Congratulations on telling on yourself with the Pharmacist. I did the same thing when I finally "got it" in Juy of '05. That's a huge step, cutting off the supply. Good for you. You're fortunate that there is only one pharmacy, my notifying took a long, long time, but it was worth it.
Stick around with us, check out the different forums, and read and post as often as you like, that's why we're here. And your posts do help others to realize that they are not alone in this struggle.
Thanks for sharing and God Bless,
Judy
*Grateful*
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,619
If I were you I would seriously look into AA in costa rica. You need to find a meeting and meet some ppl face to face. I really think you would benefit from it. Find a sponsor and meet some ppl down there in recovery. If everyone is drinking that means there are alcoholics, and where there are alcoholics there are ppl who want recovery.
Costa Rica AA
blessings, Sheila
Costa Rica AA
blessings, Sheila
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Originally Posted by XxJUSTSAYNOxX 
i am not sure where to start.
Just Say No,
I think you have started. You are here seeking help and support. That's a start. And you are admitting to us that you are not being honest with your mother and your potential investor. That's a start.
I'm glad you're here.
- MLE
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Hi and Welcome,
I'm glad you found us.
Reading your post reminded me of how I was when I was drinking and trying to appear to others as if I wasn't. At the same time, I knew it was a losing game. I focused on trying to prove to people that I could manage things, when in reality I couldn't. I should have been focusing on myself and my recovery. You have good reason now to begin recovery, as you have a chance to start a new business. Do this for yourself.
I'm glad you found us.
Reading your post reminded me of how I was when I was drinking and trying to appear to others as if I wasn't. At the same time, I knew it was a losing game. I focused on trying to prove to people that I could manage things, when in reality I couldn't. I should have been focusing on myself and my recovery. You have good reason now to begin recovery, as you have a chance to start a new business. Do this for yourself.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Melbourne
Posts: 3
Hello Justsayno, reading your post brought back some memories for me, I would take Sheilas advice and find some AA meetings and a good sponsor. You state that you have had suicidal thoughts and this is a very serious issue, you need to treat your alcoholism first but don't jump off the pills, see a doctor to work something out. Those pills end up causing more anxiety than helping. Good luck I wish you all the best.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Hometown is Kitchener, Ontario Canada but living in Costa Rica
Posts: 4
hey thanks guys, last night i cut my alcohol down to 4 beers only, and although im feeling some withdrawl, i have less of a headache than normal. i spent a good 2 hours last night reading and working with a "addiction recovery workbook", and it helped me realise how damaging all my activities are doing to by body, for example as a result of the alcohol and drug use, i don't eat right, i don't sleep well, and one of the worst things, and my "rock bottom" happened about 2 weeks ago, when i was at a local bar, and i always do stupid things, (probably for the same reasons i abuse alcohol and drugs), since i don't care about myself as much as i should. for example 2 weeks ago, i walked along coals from a fireplace at a local bar 3 times while totally wasted, then learned that i fell down twice in front of the bar, and beside the fire...as of now, one of my feet are burned, and its so difficult to walk to work and back (20min. walk), especially when much of the ground is rocks and gravel, not smooth roads. (costa rica), and for this reason i have to lie to tourists when i am guiding them as to why i am limping. this could be long term damage to myself. not to mention the scrapes and bruises due to falling into things, and trying to hide them. i have to stand in front of tourists every day and "perform" my tour, which i do enjoy most of the time since its my hobby (reptiles and amphibians).
i am in the right place, and now is the time to quit for sure. im just wondering if i should stop cold turkey, or if i should taper over a couple weeks. like i said, i started the taper last night by drinking just several beers. NOW IS THE TIME TO JUST SAY NO!
as far as AA, i have been there, and don't feel like the face to face thing is all that beneficial to me. i just need to be strong, keep in touch with my therapist mother more often, work with my book(s) one is all about cognative behavioral therapy, and try and spend more time out in the forest doing what i used to love to do, study and find reptiles and amphibians in the world. good god im living in one of the most biodiverse places on the planet, and waste my time going home or to the bar to drink, rather than do what is really my interest in my heart which is to learn more about animal life.
i have hopes, i have dreams now, and i know i can achieve them if i can just get over these stupid habits. i also agree, to stay on the pills for now, one step at a time.
does anyone know if librium can really help if i stop cold turkey? the thing is i will not have any time off for detox. i will have to continue working and guiding tourists throughout this whole oreal.
thanks for the support.
i am in the right place, and now is the time to quit for sure. im just wondering if i should stop cold turkey, or if i should taper over a couple weeks. like i said, i started the taper last night by drinking just several beers. NOW IS THE TIME TO JUST SAY NO!
as far as AA, i have been there, and don't feel like the face to face thing is all that beneficial to me. i just need to be strong, keep in touch with my therapist mother more often, work with my book(s) one is all about cognative behavioral therapy, and try and spend more time out in the forest doing what i used to love to do, study and find reptiles and amphibians in the world. good god im living in one of the most biodiverse places on the planet, and waste my time going home or to the bar to drink, rather than do what is really my interest in my heart which is to learn more about animal life.
i have hopes, i have dreams now, and i know i can achieve them if i can just get over these stupid habits. i also agree, to stay on the pills for now, one step at a time.
does anyone know if librium can really help if i stop cold turkey? the thing is i will not have any time off for detox. i will have to continue working and guiding tourists throughout this whole oreal.
thanks for the support.
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Just Say No,
It sounds like you have a plan. That is a good big step, for sure. And I hope that it gets you into a better place, emotionally and psycholigically.
I don't know about detoxing - never did have to go through that, luckily. But everything I read here is that if you don't do it under a doctor's supervion, you could be taking risks that you don't want to take - risks with your life. Considering that you have had some thoughts of suicide and that you struggle with depresion, and also that you have some addiction issues with pills also - it seems like it would really make sense to see a doctor and have someone who knows what they're talking about do an evaluation. And obviously, it would be important to go in there with an open mind and not lie about anything.
I worry when I read that your primary support person is your mom. Because you've admitted to having a hard time being truthful with her - understandably so. Is there anyone else? Can you imagine seeing a therapist? If you don't want to go to AA (which I think is a very powerful and helpful place, BTW) do you have any other route for talking to people and getting feedback and support? This site is wonderful but it works best for me as an additional form of support rather than my only form of support.
Keep letting us know how you are doing!
- MLE
It sounds like you have a plan. That is a good big step, for sure. And I hope that it gets you into a better place, emotionally and psycholigically.
I don't know about detoxing - never did have to go through that, luckily. But everything I read here is that if you don't do it under a doctor's supervion, you could be taking risks that you don't want to take - risks with your life. Considering that you have had some thoughts of suicide and that you struggle with depresion, and also that you have some addiction issues with pills also - it seems like it would really make sense to see a doctor and have someone who knows what they're talking about do an evaluation. And obviously, it would be important to go in there with an open mind and not lie about anything.
I worry when I read that your primary support person is your mom. Because you've admitted to having a hard time being truthful with her - understandably so. Is there anyone else? Can you imagine seeing a therapist? If you don't want to go to AA (which I think is a very powerful and helpful place, BTW) do you have any other route for talking to people and getting feedback and support? This site is wonderful but it works best for me as an additional form of support rather than my only form of support.
Keep letting us know how you are doing!
- MLE
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Hometown is Kitchener, Ontario Canada but living in Costa Rica
Posts: 4
3 nights free of alcohol!
so i am on my fourth day without alcohol, and im surprised, the withdrawl symptoms were not as bad as i thought they would be.
as far as my mother being my primary support resourse, that is not true. i am, and have always been absolutely honest about everything i tell her, including when i started using a needle to shoot opioids.
i already feel better, however i broke down today, and purchased codeine at the pharmacy, like i said before i told them never to sell it to me, and i told him that the prescription iboprofphen was not working for my pain in my foot from walking on red coals (stupid drunk behaviour), and he sold me some which i ate immediately. so, i am feeling a little better than i normally have been in the last 3 days, but now i worry about doing the same thing i did before, by switching one drug for another.
this is the longest i have gone without drinking alcohol in the night now for about 3 years. the nights are tough, but im finally working on one of my projects i've been putting off, a slideshow with some narration about amphibians (mainly frogs), which like i said my previous post is one of my major passions next to reptiles. finally i feel like i may have some free time to do some more productive things in life, rather than wasting away in the night, sleeping to my most loved, and most hated companion, alcohol.
i feel my willpower is stronger now, that i have proved to myself i CAN go 3 nights without alcohol, and hopefully, the rest of my life.
i am the type that has a very addictive personality, and if i have one, won't be able to stop, and i just need to stay away from other mind altering drugs, especially opiates.
i will continue to post here, and really appreciate the responses i get from you guys.
i think i know what i need to do, and know for the most part how to do it, i just have to DO IT!. i am really beginning to see the light.
thanks to everyone who has and will respond to my posts.
thank you.
who knows? maybe i can go a couple months without alcohol, then quit smoking, then reduce the amount of benzos, until i am drug free. i do not plan on quitting marijuana however, some people may think that is a bad thing, some no problem, where i come from in canada it is quite accepted, as long as its not all day every day, or every night, like something you NEED. if its there, then it helps me relax, and especially now with my body a little out of whack, it helps me sleep and eat better as well.
as far as my mother being my primary support resourse, that is not true. i am, and have always been absolutely honest about everything i tell her, including when i started using a needle to shoot opioids.
i already feel better, however i broke down today, and purchased codeine at the pharmacy, like i said before i told them never to sell it to me, and i told him that the prescription iboprofphen was not working for my pain in my foot from walking on red coals (stupid drunk behaviour), and he sold me some which i ate immediately. so, i am feeling a little better than i normally have been in the last 3 days, but now i worry about doing the same thing i did before, by switching one drug for another.
this is the longest i have gone without drinking alcohol in the night now for about 3 years. the nights are tough, but im finally working on one of my projects i've been putting off, a slideshow with some narration about amphibians (mainly frogs), which like i said my previous post is one of my major passions next to reptiles. finally i feel like i may have some free time to do some more productive things in life, rather than wasting away in the night, sleeping to my most loved, and most hated companion, alcohol.
i feel my willpower is stronger now, that i have proved to myself i CAN go 3 nights without alcohol, and hopefully, the rest of my life.
i am the type that has a very addictive personality, and if i have one, won't be able to stop, and i just need to stay away from other mind altering drugs, especially opiates.
i will continue to post here, and really appreciate the responses i get from you guys.
i think i know what i need to do, and know for the most part how to do it, i just have to DO IT!. i am really beginning to see the light.
thanks to everyone who has and will respond to my posts.
thank you.
who knows? maybe i can go a couple months without alcohol, then quit smoking, then reduce the amount of benzos, until i am drug free. i do not plan on quitting marijuana however, some people may think that is a bad thing, some no problem, where i come from in canada it is quite accepted, as long as its not all day every day, or every night, like something you NEED. if its there, then it helps me relax, and especially now with my body a little out of whack, it helps me sleep and eat better as well.
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Originally Posted by XxJUSTSAYNOxX
as far as my mother being my primary support resourse, that is not true. i am, and have always been absolutely honest about everything i tell her, including when i started using a needle to shoot opioids.
I am glad you are finding it easier to not drink and it does sound to me like you are taking good steps foward. That's great and I hope you keep going! I think you are on a road to a healthier you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Hometown is Kitchener, Ontario Canada but living in Costa Rica
Posts: 4
thanks for the reply, "MLE"...
Well, im still sober from the alcohol, but i've walked into that damn pharmacy, and in the last 3 days have purchased and consumed codeine, which i am feeling really bad about.
now, i was using both before, at least im still sober from the alcohol, but i am so worried about becomming re-addicted to opiates.
this is so hard.....but i have to say, its been 7 days now i believe, and it sure does feel good to wake up without a hangover and have more energy than ever before! i can't believe i've made it this far
. its been at least several years since i've gone this long without alcohol. in the past several years, i may have abstained for one night, but that's the longest.
i just need to keep looking on the bright side of things, and open my book about cognative behavioral therapy, in addition to my addiction recovery book which i have been continuing to work on slowly but surely.
Damn that pharmacist who is continuing to sell me the codeine, even after i asked him to never sell it to me again. I just walked in, asked, and he sold it to me. And it sure is hard to pass the 2 bars on the way home which where my after work "spots", and go home all alone, without alcohol.
I am trying to make some new friends here that do not drink, and have told all my current friends that there is no alcohol allowed in my house anymore. My house was always called "Nick's Club", but I have closed the "club". lol
Well, im still sober from the alcohol, but i've walked into that damn pharmacy, and in the last 3 days have purchased and consumed codeine, which i am feeling really bad about.
now, i was using both before, at least im still sober from the alcohol, but i am so worried about becomming re-addicted to opiates.
this is so hard.....but i have to say, its been 7 days now i believe, and it sure does feel good to wake up without a hangover and have more energy than ever before! i can't believe i've made it this far
. its been at least several years since i've gone this long without alcohol. in the past several years, i may have abstained for one night, but that's the longest. i just need to keep looking on the bright side of things, and open my book about cognative behavioral therapy, in addition to my addiction recovery book which i have been continuing to work on slowly but surely.
Damn that pharmacist who is continuing to sell me the codeine, even after i asked him to never sell it to me again. I just walked in, asked, and he sold it to me. And it sure is hard to pass the 2 bars on the way home which where my after work "spots", and go home all alone, without alcohol.
I am trying to make some new friends here that do not drink, and have told all my current friends that there is no alcohol allowed in my house anymore. My house was always called "Nick's Club", but I have closed the "club". lol
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Good job on your continuing abstinence from alcohol! You are moving in the right direction, for sure.
I know you do not think AA would be beneficial to you but especially since you are continuing to use codeine, I wish you would give it a second chance. I believe you when you say you want to stop using drugs and alcohol for good (except marijuana). But, I also notice that you blame the culture of Costa Rico for making alcohol so acceptable that you drink, and you blame the pharmacist for selling you the codeine that you take.
I hope this doesn't sound too harsh, but in truth, you're an alcoholic and an addict because you like the effect you get from booze and drugs, is my guess.
Working the steps in AA would help you understand why you drink (I can tell you for sure that the culture of Costa Rico is not the reason why you drink). And you would have support and understanding as you go through this process. Recovery is not just abstaining from alcohol. Recovery is a whole shift in your life. I keep getting the feeling that you are "white knuckling" it - do you know that phrase?
Anyway, that's my little push to try to get you to go to AA. I'll stop now. I do think you're doing a good job and I'm very glad you're not drinking. And I know that everyone has their own path to recovery. I'm not trying to pick on you. I just want you to succeed.
I know you do not think AA would be beneficial to you but especially since you are continuing to use codeine, I wish you would give it a second chance. I believe you when you say you want to stop using drugs and alcohol for good (except marijuana). But, I also notice that you blame the culture of Costa Rico for making alcohol so acceptable that you drink, and you blame the pharmacist for selling you the codeine that you take.
I hope this doesn't sound too harsh, but in truth, you're an alcoholic and an addict because you like the effect you get from booze and drugs, is my guess.
Working the steps in AA would help you understand why you drink (I can tell you for sure that the culture of Costa Rico is not the reason why you drink). And you would have support and understanding as you go through this process. Recovery is not just abstaining from alcohol. Recovery is a whole shift in your life. I keep getting the feeling that you are "white knuckling" it - do you know that phrase?
Anyway, that's my little push to try to get you to go to AA. I'll stop now. I do think you're doing a good job and I'm very glad you're not drinking. And I know that everyone has their own path to recovery. I'm not trying to pick on you. I just want you to succeed.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
My drug of choice was alcohol. I've been to rehab/detox three times this year, the last time just last week. I've admitted to myself and to my family last December that I am an alcoholic and trying to quit but all my attempts failed when I would relapse and start back drinking again. This last time in detox I just gave up and admitted I was powerless over alcohol, that it was stronger than me and that I would quit fighting it and just surrender to the idea that I could never drink again cause I am not a 'normal' drinker.
I too thought I could prove I was stronger than alcohol but each time I quit I would start back up again. Now I'm too tired to fight it off and have turned my life and will over to my Higher Power as my will power is just not enough to battle this demon alcohol. I am also being honest with myself after lying for over a year: lying to my kids about my drinking and lying to myself about my "need" to drink.
I am now being honest with myself for the first time in a while. I'm admitting that I need help and I'm accepting it when it's offered. I'm trying to forgive those who make me angry. I'm trying to deal with stress in a better way than getting upset and drinking myself into a stupor. I'm on my 8th day sober now and am feeling more like a human being every day.
In order for me to stay sober I must stay honest. Lying only kicks my butt and I'm tired of having my butt kicked. I hope you can be honest with yourself and face your addictions. Face them and admit you need help to stop doing the drugs and alcohol. More help perhaps than your mother and your books can provide. I find great support from AA. I like the company of people who understand me and my problems.
I pray you find the strength to be honest with yourself and get the help you need to end your addictions before they end you.
:ghug3
I too thought I could prove I was stronger than alcohol but each time I quit I would start back up again. Now I'm too tired to fight it off and have turned my life and will over to my Higher Power as my will power is just not enough to battle this demon alcohol. I am also being honest with myself after lying for over a year: lying to my kids about my drinking and lying to myself about my "need" to drink.
I am now being honest with myself for the first time in a while. I'm admitting that I need help and I'm accepting it when it's offered. I'm trying to forgive those who make me angry. I'm trying to deal with stress in a better way than getting upset and drinking myself into a stupor. I'm on my 8th day sober now and am feeling more like a human being every day.
In order for me to stay sober I must stay honest. Lying only kicks my butt and I'm tired of having my butt kicked. I hope you can be honest with yourself and face your addictions. Face them and admit you need help to stop doing the drugs and alcohol. More help perhaps than your mother and your books can provide. I find great support from AA. I like the company of people who understand me and my problems.
I pray you find the strength to be honest with yourself and get the help you need to end your addictions before they end you.
:ghug3
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