Just Registered
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
There is a tremendous amt. of experience, strength and hope here, free for the taking.
Poke around, read several different posts and you will realize that you have found a place where people truly care and are willing to help you in any way possible as long as you continue to help yourself.
Glad to hear you say that you will be honest if you pick up. Honesty is one of the keys to Recovery.
God Bless,
Judy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Boynton Beach
Posts: 9
To Responders to My First Post
I want to thank those who responded to my first post Friday. Meant to check in sooner, but, stuff… I hope it’s a good mother’s day for all. Mine
(87) is in a nursing home and had a debilitating stroke a week ago today. I’m 55. Day three sober. Actually, the thought of booze right now is not appealing if not nauseating. Been wondering if I’m in some kind of detox/withdrawal. I have felt just as lousy upon waking as with a hangover. Will this pass? I must think I’m clever; one of my sayings is: “A hangover is only slightly worse than sobriety.” I still feel that way
Everyone’s triggers are different I suppose. I have been way overdoing it for about 4 years. Since last fall my schedule has allowed me to be free many early afternoons so that means the “bar” may have been open as early as 2pm. That has meant a lot of scotch and/or beer mostly.
Actually in my case, having none is easier than having one. Triggers? I smoke. I have been a daily smoker for over 7 years. And smoking and drinking seem to go together like milk and cookies. I have always drank but not like the last few years. Before that, once or twice a week, occasionally bingeing. The other thing is I used to fancy myself a writer. I did write. Big deal. So I was Ernest f---ing Hemingway. So the drinking was part affectation.
About mid-2004 I was metaphorically left at the altar for the first of two times by the same woman. Second time, shame on me. She revealed herself to be a pathological liar but it was my fault for trying a second time. The second time was January, 2006. In July ’06, I was hospitalized for atrial fibrillation (a heart irregularity). I looked it up. Excess alcohol consumption can cause it. In October ’06, I lost a high-paying job (not from drinking). I exhausted unemployment compensation before I found something else: adjunct instructor at a local community college last August. An adjunct receives very low pay with no benefits. I exhausted 18 months of COBRA health insurance and am now paying for an individual plan at $630 per month. In January, ’07, my son (now 26 and disabled; I have been divorced for 8 years) was severely ill for three months and I almost lost him. He is doing much better and he lives with me. I have been in platonic relationship with a nice southern lady for two and a half years. I am not teaching until the fall. With other resources at hand, I can squeak by.
Having the summer off is dangerous. More free time (to drink). Perhaps I picked a challenging time to stop.
I promise I will not repeat these sad tales. Allow me to ask again, on this third day is feeling really lousy physically normal?
While I will admit to having a cynical view of things, one valid coping strategy is humor.
Finally for this entry, my philosophy can be distilled down to this: Life is 97% ridiculous. It’s the 3% which allows us to go on. It consists of giving and receiving love, meaningful work (something that makes a difference), and the appreciation of beauty in art and nature. Too much to ask for? Sometimes it seems everything is too much to ask for.
P.S. someone deciphered I am in south Florida. Not originally. 20 years here, originally from Jersey, but don't hold that against me.
JD (Joe)
(87) is in a nursing home and had a debilitating stroke a week ago today. I’m 55. Day three sober. Actually, the thought of booze right now is not appealing if not nauseating. Been wondering if I’m in some kind of detox/withdrawal. I have felt just as lousy upon waking as with a hangover. Will this pass? I must think I’m clever; one of my sayings is: “A hangover is only slightly worse than sobriety.” I still feel that way
Everyone’s triggers are different I suppose. I have been way overdoing it for about 4 years. Since last fall my schedule has allowed me to be free many early afternoons so that means the “bar” may have been open as early as 2pm. That has meant a lot of scotch and/or beer mostly.
Actually in my case, having none is easier than having one. Triggers? I smoke. I have been a daily smoker for over 7 years. And smoking and drinking seem to go together like milk and cookies. I have always drank but not like the last few years. Before that, once or twice a week, occasionally bingeing. The other thing is I used to fancy myself a writer. I did write. Big deal. So I was Ernest f---ing Hemingway. So the drinking was part affectation.
About mid-2004 I was metaphorically left at the altar for the first of two times by the same woman. Second time, shame on me. She revealed herself to be a pathological liar but it was my fault for trying a second time. The second time was January, 2006. In July ’06, I was hospitalized for atrial fibrillation (a heart irregularity). I looked it up. Excess alcohol consumption can cause it. In October ’06, I lost a high-paying job (not from drinking). I exhausted unemployment compensation before I found something else: adjunct instructor at a local community college last August. An adjunct receives very low pay with no benefits. I exhausted 18 months of COBRA health insurance and am now paying for an individual plan at $630 per month. In January, ’07, my son (now 26 and disabled; I have been divorced for 8 years) was severely ill for three months and I almost lost him. He is doing much better and he lives with me. I have been in platonic relationship with a nice southern lady for two and a half years. I am not teaching until the fall. With other resources at hand, I can squeak by.
Having the summer off is dangerous. More free time (to drink). Perhaps I picked a challenging time to stop.
I promise I will not repeat these sad tales. Allow me to ask again, on this third day is feeling really lousy physically normal?
While I will admit to having a cynical view of things, one valid coping strategy is humor.
Finally for this entry, my philosophy can be distilled down to this: Life is 97% ridiculous. It’s the 3% which allows us to go on. It consists of giving and receiving love, meaningful work (something that makes a difference), and the appreciation of beauty in art and nature. Too much to ask for? Sometimes it seems everything is too much to ask for.
P.S. someone deciphered I am in south Florida. Not originally. 20 years here, originally from Jersey, but don't hold that against me.
JD (Joe)
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Joe, so wonderful that you found us. SR has helped save my life too. I was down and out the last time I picked up, (January) felt I was staring death in the face for sure. Being able to be honest on here and not be judged for it was huge. I have no one else in my life who truly understands. I hope you checked out the link CarolD provided about quitting - very excellent info. Your philosophy is dead on. Sadly, we don't usually come to know it until later in life.
You've had so much to contend with emotionally, I'm so sorry to hear about your mother & your son - glad he's doing better. I'm not disrespecting what you've been through, but I've found if I was honest with myself - I drank any time I felt ANY emotions, even when I was happy and excited. (Celebrating a new job? Have a drink, Getting married? Have a drink, On vacation? Have a drink, Father died? Have a drink, Friend killed in Iraq? Have a drink - you get the picture). When I stopped giving myself excuses for drinking I started to see what a crutch it had been for me throughout my life. I denied myself emotional growth by anesthetizing. This will be an interesting journey for you - and your humor will definitely help!
You've had so much to contend with emotionally, I'm so sorry to hear about your mother & your son - glad he's doing better. I'm not disrespecting what you've been through, but I've found if I was honest with myself - I drank any time I felt ANY emotions, even when I was happy and excited. (Celebrating a new job? Have a drink, Getting married? Have a drink, On vacation? Have a drink, Father died? Have a drink, Friend killed in Iraq? Have a drink - you get the picture). When I stopped giving myself excuses for drinking I started to see what a crutch it had been for me throughout my life. I denied myself emotional growth by anesthetizing. This will be an interesting journey for you - and your humor will definitely help!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Boynton Beach
Posts: 9
To Hevyn's Comments
Originally Posted by Hevyn 
Joe, so wonderful that you found us. SR has helped save my life too. I was down and out the last time I picked up, (January) felt I was staring death in the face for sure. Being able to be honest on here and not be judged for it was huge. I have no one else in my life who truly understands. I hope you checked out the link CarolD provided about quitting - very excellent info. Your philosophy is dead on. Sadly, we don't usually come to know it until later in life.
You've had so much to contend with emotionally, I'm so sorry to hear about your mother & your son - glad he's doing better. I'm not disrespecting what you've been through, but I've found if I was honest with myself - I drank any time I felt ANY emotions, even when I was happy and excited. (Celebrating a new job? Have a drink, Getting married? Have a drink, On vacation? Have a drink, Father died? Have a drink, Friend killed in Iraq? Have a drink - you get the picture). When I stopped giving myself excuses for drinking I started to see what a crutch it had been for me throughout my life. I denied myself emotional growth by anesthetizing. This will be an interesting journey for you - and your humor will definitely help!
You've had so much to contend with emotionally, I'm so sorry to hear about your mother & your son - glad he's doing better. I'm not disrespecting what you've been through, but I've found if I was honest with myself - I drank any time I felt ANY emotions, even when I was happy and excited. (Celebrating a new job? Have a drink, Getting married? Have a drink, On vacation? Have a drink, Father died? Have a drink, Friend killed in Iraq? Have a drink - you get the picture). When I stopped giving myself excuses for drinking I started to see what a crutch it had been for me throughout my life. I denied myself emotional growth by anesthetizing. This will be an interesting journey for you - and your humor will definitely help!
Joe D.
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