Whew, What a Ride! It's OVER!!!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I was 48 when I started AA
my long term depression
spurred me into action.
For me ...AA is an Awesome Adventure
I have met some of the most loving and
positive people in AA meetings ...
that was an unexpected bonus.
Mega Hugs
my long term depression
spurred me into action.
For me ...AA is an Awesome Adventure
I have met some of the most loving and
positive people in AA meetings ...
that was an unexpected bonus.
Mega Hugs
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
Thank you for sharing so much about yourself Honu. It helps us get to know you better and see where we can start to offer you all the love and support that you are willing to accept.
A few areas of your life and mine are so similiar. I had been in and out of the rooms of AA for many, many years. I was so codependent that I went to meetings just to see how the others were doing with very little concern for myself. I found my self worth in helping others. I was such a people pleaser that when I finally got honest and began a true Program of Recovery in July of '05, my Sponsor wouldn't let me make coffee at meetings anymore. I was too concered about the coffee and making sure everyone's cups were full that I let it distract me from why I was at the meeting! lol And I also "found love" in treatment. I was gonna be the best thing that ever happened to him. Including working his Program. And where do you think that left mine?
Nearly everyone who is new in Recovery is very lonley too, so you are in no way unique in that area either. I hope you will look at this as the beginning of your life. I did when I got clean and sober. That existence that I went through the first 43 years of my life was just that, I simply existed. But now, with the help, love and support of those in AA and other areas of support, I now am living for the first time in my life. I found this site after I had a few years in Recovery and it has become a daily part of my Program as well. I have made some wonderful friends on here and have found so many people who I identify with and vice versa.
I hope you will continue to share with such honesty and depth. Once I finally surrendered completely and opened up, my life has become more rewarding and fulfilled than I ever thought possible. The Blessings in Recovery are endless.
God Bless & Thank God . . . Just for Today,
Judy
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
Hey Honu ---
Like others have said here.....no matter how many times you stumble and/or fall.....you just get yerself up, dust yerself off, and start all over again..... (o:
I have to respond to a couple of things that you wrote in your last post.....:
1) "...I just get so lonely. I hear that people have to quit for their kids, families, etc..." --- au contrare.... (o: it's actually the other way around. One shouldn't stop for others, that rarely works longterm. The only person to do this for is YOURSELF.....
2) "...I have no one. No children, no family. I don't see me ever having any one in my life. That's why I feel like it's over. What's the point in this life, anyway?..." --- when I got sober I was 39/40 with no immediate family - no kids, husband, s/o, nada; the only family I had was my mother who was 69/70, living in San Francisco, and I was in Houston, some 1600 miles apart.....and lemme tell ya.....LIFE REALLY DOES BEGIN AT 40....! whoohoo (o:
3) "... I see is families, and I get so jealous, and I come home, and it is just so depressing..." --- I see the families too, but I guess we see things from different perspectives.....I see the cranky kids; the fighting parents; the nasty mouth kids (wow, I was bad, but even I wasn't as bad as some kids nowadays).....etc. .... makes be feel truly blessed (of course I see the 'Norman Rockwell' families too.....lucky them, they truly work at it)
4) "...I'm too old now, and I have nothing to offer anyone anyway..." --- too old...??? I believe I read somewhere that you're 48.....? honey that ain't old!! I'll be 62 this year; haven't got a clue what I'm supposed to do (perhaps it's just sit here and type a few words of encouragement...?)...I just love the scripture verse over the entryway of my church.....Jer. 29:11 .....: For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Sooooo, no matter what we may think....there is a plan; we may jusdt not be able to see the whole picture yet ..... (o:
5) "...So, whatever. I'll continue to keep on, but, I don't know why..." --- YES, we will continue.....ours is not to reason why, ours is to JUST DO IT..... (O:
I think I'll stay on this ride a bit longer.....you? c'mon.....! (o:
NoelleR
DOS: 6/23/86
Like others have said here.....no matter how many times you stumble and/or fall.....you just get yerself up, dust yerself off, and start all over again..... (o:
I have to respond to a couple of things that you wrote in your last post.....:
1) "...I just get so lonely. I hear that people have to quit for their kids, families, etc..." --- au contrare.... (o: it's actually the other way around. One shouldn't stop for others, that rarely works longterm. The only person to do this for is YOURSELF.....
2) "...I have no one. No children, no family. I don't see me ever having any one in my life. That's why I feel like it's over. What's the point in this life, anyway?..." --- when I got sober I was 39/40 with no immediate family - no kids, husband, s/o, nada; the only family I had was my mother who was 69/70, living in San Francisco, and I was in Houston, some 1600 miles apart.....and lemme tell ya.....LIFE REALLY DOES BEGIN AT 40....! whoohoo (o:
3) "... I see is families, and I get so jealous, and I come home, and it is just so depressing..." --- I see the families too, but I guess we see things from different perspectives.....I see the cranky kids; the fighting parents; the nasty mouth kids (wow, I was bad, but even I wasn't as bad as some kids nowadays).....etc. .... makes be feel truly blessed (of course I see the 'Norman Rockwell' families too.....lucky them, they truly work at it)
4) "...I'm too old now, and I have nothing to offer anyone anyway..." --- too old...??? I believe I read somewhere that you're 48.....? honey that ain't old!! I'll be 62 this year; haven't got a clue what I'm supposed to do (perhaps it's just sit here and type a few words of encouragement...?)...I just love the scripture verse over the entryway of my church.....Jer. 29:11 .....: For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Sooooo, no matter what we may think....there is a plan; we may jusdt not be able to see the whole picture yet ..... (o:
5) "...So, whatever. I'll continue to keep on, but, I don't know why..." --- YES, we will continue.....ours is not to reason why, ours is to JUST DO IT..... (O:
I think I'll stay on this ride a bit longer.....you? c'mon.....! (o:
NoelleR
DOS: 6/23/86
Relapse is not an option!
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Gardner,KS
Posts: 34
Hi Honu,
I can really relate to some of the things you are going through. I'm 46 now and very new into recovery. When I first began this journey, I asked myself why several times and decided what I had to show for my 30 + years of drinking was nothing. I was left with just an empty shell and that reeked of beer and vodka...hehe. Now, thanks to Celebrate Recovery, AA, and SR, I can now look into the mirror and be happy with that person. It gets sooo much better with time. You'll cultivate new friendships. Today, I was at Wal-Mart, and ran into 5 ppl I've met since being in recovery, just wondering around the store, all of us with a common thread, and I stopped and thought, "Hmmm, true friends, how kewl is that"
Anyways, Welcome to the rest of your life. Enjoy! I Know I'am!
One day at a time
I can really relate to some of the things you are going through. I'm 46 now and very new into recovery. When I first began this journey, I asked myself why several times and decided what I had to show for my 30 + years of drinking was nothing. I was left with just an empty shell and that reeked of beer and vodka...hehe. Now, thanks to Celebrate Recovery, AA, and SR, I can now look into the mirror and be happy with that person. It gets sooo much better with time. You'll cultivate new friendships. Today, I was at Wal-Mart, and ran into 5 ppl I've met since being in recovery, just wondering around the store, all of us with a common thread, and I stopped and thought, "Hmmm, true friends, how kewl is that"
Anyways, Welcome to the rest of your life. Enjoy! I Know I'am!
One day at a time
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 321
Wow, thank you all. I am determined, and I will not quit. I am going to look at the 'relapses' as a blessing, to let me know that, no matter what, I can start over. I just hope this is the last time. I made it 5 days last week, and really felt good. The trouble with that, is that I don't know HOW to feel good. It's absolutely foreign to me. I have never liked myself that much, and it felt so weird. Then, after my first post, I felt so ashamed, and vulnerable, and felt like a fool.
Being alone all of the time leaves me alone with my sick thoughts, my pity party, and intellectually, I know it's stupid. However, it sometimes just takes over.
I, too, would be re-filling the coffee for everyone, I'm the best hostess. Always concerned about everyone else. When I was a "Al-Anon-er", I remember sitting there thinking, "what can I say that will impress everyone?" So that they would think that I was so together, so wise. How sick is that??? I felt like a fraud, but, I didn't know how to be.
It's easier to concentrate on others, so I don't have to look at myself, which, to me, is horrid.
I hope to learn how to feel good, physically and emotionally and spiritually, and enjoy it, and not think, "You don't deserve to feel good."
I have moved so many times, it's hard to make new friends at this age, everyone seems to have full lives, and they don't have much time for someone new in their lives. But, I am hoping that getting out of this house, I'll be able to meet some new good quality people, and by that, I mean "healthy"! No party folks for me. I have started going to church again, which I stopped when my mother got sick. I was mad at God. I thought He "had it IN for me". I hope that's not the case.
I love that quote from Jeremiah. I used to sing that in the choir when I was young. I'll hold on to that.
Thank you for understanding. Sometimes I think I am the only one who feels this way. It's good to know that I'm not alone in that, anyway.
Today, I am going to tend to my garden, and plant some flowers. I love digging in the dirt. Guess that's why I'm so good at being in my pit. LOL.
Being alone all of the time leaves me alone with my sick thoughts, my pity party, and intellectually, I know it's stupid. However, it sometimes just takes over.
I, too, would be re-filling the coffee for everyone, I'm the best hostess. Always concerned about everyone else. When I was a "Al-Anon-er", I remember sitting there thinking, "what can I say that will impress everyone?" So that they would think that I was so together, so wise. How sick is that??? I felt like a fraud, but, I didn't know how to be.
It's easier to concentrate on others, so I don't have to look at myself, which, to me, is horrid.
I hope to learn how to feel good, physically and emotionally and spiritually, and enjoy it, and not think, "You don't deserve to feel good."
I have moved so many times, it's hard to make new friends at this age, everyone seems to have full lives, and they don't have much time for someone new in their lives. But, I am hoping that getting out of this house, I'll be able to meet some new good quality people, and by that, I mean "healthy"! No party folks for me. I have started going to church again, which I stopped when my mother got sick. I was mad at God. I thought He "had it IN for me". I hope that's not the case.
I love that quote from Jeremiah. I used to sing that in the choir when I was young. I'll hold on to that.
Thank you for understanding. Sometimes I think I am the only one who feels this way. It's good to know that I'm not alone in that, anyway.
Today, I am going to tend to my garden, and plant some flowers. I love digging in the dirt. Guess that's why I'm so good at being in my pit. LOL.
Certified Scrabble Cheat!
Join Date: May 2008
Location: The Hill City, MS
Posts: 316
Hey Honu. Please stop beating yourself up. You are a child of God and I believe he prefers that you leave off the ruff stuff..
I am new to this site but not to the world of recovery. I am completing week number 81 of sobriety after 40 years of alcohol use/abuse. When I finally decided that I had had enough, I was up to a handle of vodka a day on the weekend and and half a handle a night on week nights.
I made a choice to go this alone and have had good success - so far... I too and from the South, so I know what you mean about the keeping things close to the chest gig. Perhaps that is why I am doing this solo. You are only alone in this journey of sobriety if that is the route that you choose. I really enjoyed reading about your life. BTW. I have an uncle that we call The Penguin. Stay at it and buckle up for the ride. Peace and love. Daddio
I am new to this site but not to the world of recovery. I am completing week number 81 of sobriety after 40 years of alcohol use/abuse. When I finally decided that I had had enough, I was up to a handle of vodka a day on the weekend and and half a handle a night on week nights.
I made a choice to go this alone and have had good success - so far... I too and from the South, so I know what you mean about the keeping things close to the chest gig. Perhaps that is why I am doing this solo. You are only alone in this journey of sobriety if that is the route that you choose. I really enjoyed reading about your life. BTW. I have an uncle that we call The Penguin. Stay at it and buckle up for the ride. Peace and love. Daddio
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 321
Thanks, Daddio! That's what I used to call my Daddy! LOL!
Yep, that Southern thing will getcha. Congratulations on 81 weeks! That's awesome!
Reading these posts is so very helpful to me. I'm glad I found this avenue of support.
I have the ability to beat myself up better than anyone else can. However, I'm quite sick of it honestly. I am trying to be as supportive of myself, as I am for other people.
I hope the rest of the "ride" will be a new adventure!
Honu
Yep, that Southern thing will getcha. Congratulations on 81 weeks! That's awesome!
Reading these posts is so very helpful to me. I'm glad I found this avenue of support.
I have the ability to beat myself up better than anyone else can. However, I'm quite sick of it honestly. I am trying to be as supportive of myself, as I am for other people.
I hope the rest of the "ride" will be a new adventure!
Honu
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