TigerLili

After several years of wrestling with whether or not I needed to go to AA, I finally went to my first meeting on Saturday evening. Took me ages to find the place and I wouldn't have found the room if someone hadn't asked me if I was looking for 'the meeting'.

I tried to find three other meetings in my area tonight. I looked them up on the website and either the website is out of date or I just couldn't find the locations.

I feel so sad. I really disappointed myself by getting plastered on Friday night and I had to break a work commitment that cost both me and a friend several hundred dollars eac on Saturday and also inconvenienced a number of people bec I was hungover and hadn't had any sleep.

I've been really anxious and in a difficult frame of mind and have a few events coming up that involve alcohol - I am obliged to attend and I don't know how I am going to avoid drinking. Bec I couldn't find the meetings tonight I can hear myself going back into old thought patterns of 'I'll just have one or two to fit in' and 'I don't really have a problem, I just need a bit more willpower'. Everything has gotten worse in my life the last few years - I have had to find a job that is almost entry level because I am not capable of doing the high level work I have done in the past. It's partly bec I'm hung over nearly every day, but also my thinking and my capacity to get anything done, to learn new things and to solve problems is drastically reduced.

I sat at home with most of my light bulbs blown for weeks because I couldn't get my head around what I needed to do to change them. I go months without buying groceries because going to the supermarket is too hard to do. I don't know if this is all because of drinking, but I'm sure the drinking is not helping. Sometimes I think the only way I will be able to stop is if all the alcohol on the planet disappeared.

The fact that I couldn't find three meetings tonigt makes me think that I should just give up, that I'm not meant to go to AA. I wish I could just stay home with my kitty and drink and not get hung over or have the bad effects of drinking. I'd never leave the house again!

Anna

Look in your phone book, and find Alcoholics Anonymous and call them and ask for meeting information. They will be able to help you.

I suspect your anxiety is at least, partly due to alcohol too. I had anxiety problems before I began drinking and they became huge while I was drinking.

TigerLili

Tx for your response. I already sent them an email asking about meetings in the next few days. I'm too embarassed to talk to someone in person.

Artur

Thank you for your post. I am reminded of when I first started and how anxious I was to even go out of the house.. just take those baby steps, and pray. Once you begin meeting others in AA, reach out...you'll be amazed at how many people in the rooms will help you...Maybe you could even have one of them go with you to those drinking events you mentioned... just take it easy, and let the process happen - it does work, believe me.

CarolD

You do need to be brave and call.
The person who will answer will be an ex drinker
so understands your situation.
On line resources are often out of date.

Welcome to our recovery community

Millions of us have found AA tremendously useful.

Rella927

Just wanted to say Welcome to you Tigerlili you have come to a great place! Keep posting!

Tazman53

TigerLili being scared of going to meetings early on is perfectly normal, it is a perfectly normal fear of the unknown..... sobriety!!! It took me a good while to realize that live did not stop for me once I stopped drinking, it actually began for me.

At the end of my drinking my whole life revolved around drinking, that was my life! So getting sober was scary, to me it was the end of life because I did not know how to live life on lifes terms sober!!!!

Follow Anna's advice, grab that phone book, sure it will be scary, but the person who answers that phone has been in your shoes, they are a recovering alcoholic as well.

Dean62

I'm so glad you found us. When our lives have become unmanageable we need help. The next time you talk to someone from AA get some phone numbers.

I went through the light bulb grocery thing and thank God for entry level jobs!!!

It's simple TigerLili. Follow the directions of people who have been where you are now until the alcoholic fog you are in lifts. There are many recovering alcoholics who want to help you so let them.

Rule #1. Keep coming back. :ghug3

crutch0108

I also emailed AA at first as I live in a small town and nothing was listed on the site.

Go here: Alcoholics Anonymous : Central Offices, Intergroups and Answering Services for (U.S. and Canada)

Find your state and then nearest major city. Contact that office and they have unpublished information about meeting times and locations for towns near that city. You can call or email, I emailed and the guy sent me a .pdf file within two days with several meetings each day in this tiny town and surrounding tiny towns.

There are alcoholics everywhere, assuring you can find a meeting almost anywhere. They just don't list each and every one, just contact your closest semi-major city AA branch.

TigerLili

Thanks for the kind words everyone. They emailed me a list but I'm still baffled bec it's the same list I downloaded and I'm sure I was in the right place. I'll go back to the meeting on Saturday night.

I ended up drinking at a work function today. There are just so many of them - how do other people not drink at things you're obliged to go to? I have family events coming up too. I'll be the only person not drinking and everyone will ask me why I'm not drinking or give me a hard time about it. How do you answer them? How do you not drink when everyone else is? I ended up drinking again last night when I got home after not finding the meetings too. I hate this

barb dwyer

Hi Tigerlily - and welcome!

on that list - isn't there a phone number for the meeting?
on most lists - they'll also ost the phone # of the GSR (general services representative)
for that group ... they do up here at any rate.
also - is there a number for a alano club?
someone at the club (if there is on in your area)
would be able to give you better directions.

they won't trace your number or anything.

we know how it is.

keep trying - please.
and keep posting okay?

you're not alone any more.

TigerLili

Hi Barb,

No there isn't a number for the individual meetings, just a general enquiry number. I'm not in the USA so maybe it's different here. I will call tomorrow and ask them for the exact location of a meeting i can get to. What's alano?

That made me cry. Thank you.

TigerLili

I poured myself a drink, took a couple of sips and tipped everything down the sink. I feel so much better when I can do that, but I've done it so many times and just started again.

barb dwyer

alano clubs are clubs run by members ... although it's not 'officially' an AA organization. Alano clubs provide sober environments for members to hang out.

I didnt' know you weren't in the states.

AA is AA ... anywhere in the world. There'll be someone.

Tazman53

To further prove you are not alone, when you call the AA hot line in your area it will be answered by a recovering alcoholic, you will not wind up walking to some one who has not been right where you are at right now!

Knowing we are not alone is one of the big reasons AA works, we get to meet face to face people who have been in the very same spot we are in. We are able to talk to someone who understands what it is like to HAVE to drink, someone who knows what a black out is, some one who knows what it is like to take one drink and have absolutely no idea how many drinks they will have after that, someone who knows what it is like to not simply drink to get drunk, but to need to drink for oblivion!!!

But the most important thing you can find in the rooms of AA is miracles, alcoholics who are sober and happy, alcoholics who can honestly say that they could care less if they never had another drink because the obsession to drink has been lifted and they have learned how to life life on lifes terms happily sober.

drukore

You're not everyone else now are you?

When I first started my path of sobriety, I was a club MC that was ALWAYS at bars and clubs. It was a part of my life that was huge.....but the more clean I became the more I realized that was not the life I wanted to be around.

First off, I would HIGHLY suggest just simply NOT going to work functions for a long while. Look....you have a disease, like we all do. Your work is not going to accomidate you and your problem, because everyone else is gonna wanna booze it up...knowing this, and knowing your safety and sobriety ALWAYS comes first, supporting work functions of this nature isn't in your best interest. And if your boss asks why you won't go, TELL THEM. I've spend 2 years getting in peoples faces at work.....because really, "Man, I really need a beer after work" isn't workplace conversation but you hear it all the time right? I've told people time after time bringing stuff like that up around people who have drinking issues at work is not work appropriate, etc.

You might have to ditch bars, clubs and work functions for a while. That is a reality. Hang tough.

Tazman53

You know when I first got sober I thought the same thing, turns out I was very wrong, there were people not hanging around the bar or the keg, they were drinking sodas or tea and having a grand time not drinking. When I was drinking I was with the folks who drank so I thought every one drank, they don't. What I found even more amazing was the people who did drink did not care if I drank or not!!!!

Ask your self these questions "Do I ask people who are not drinking when I am drinking why they are not drinking? Do I care if they are drinking or not?

I was amazed when I went to my first pro foot ball game after I got sober that the line for sodas was longer then the line for beer!!!!

I have found that unless I go to a happy hour (Which I don't) or a keg party (Which I don't) that most people do not drink and those that do drink do not drink like I drank!

TigerLili

Unfortunately it's my job to organise a number of these events and functions so not going would mean not doing my job. The ones I don't organise I'm still expected to attend along with the rest of my team.

It does occur to me that I could do more to encourage non-drinking so I'm going to extend the beverage selection to an exotic range of non-alcoholic beverages. I'm also going to have the drink waiters offer mineral water as well as wine/champagne.

TigerLili

I understand what you are saying and I think that in some cases you are probably correct, but in my case I am surrounded by a big drinking culture and I need to have some ideas up my sleeve because in my department at work, at least, people DO ask why someone is not drinking. The only non-drinker in my team is about to be let go and I wonder how much of that is because he doesn't drink with everyone else and so isn't seen as being a team player.

Clearly, I may have to change my job but that would be a last resort. Right now I just need some strategies on how to NOT drink when I'm around drinkers at work and how to field the questions.

Fulldresser4

Tigerlily, I understand and have been where you are. You would be surprised at the number of people who Don't drink and are fine. There are many options, including my personal favorite of I'm trying to loose weight ( I have a vodka gut). Or that you are on antibiotics or that you're allergic, blah blah blah. Until you can say that I just don't drink! And you will also be surprised at the real jacka##es people make of themselves and don't even realize it. And pretty soon you will be saying, there but for the Grace of God go I.