Cutting Back As Opposed To Abstention
 

I want to address the process and practice of cutting down on alcohol as opposed to abstaining from alcohol.

A big part of my life has been centered around food and wine, and I really appreciate and know good and great wines and food.

I don't like my preoccupation with wine and how I use it to ease out my considerable anxiety.

On the other hand, my situation is difficult, and meals and wine-tastings are the only sources of social joy for me. (And my dog!:doggy:)

Do any of you have thoughts about the goal of cutting back? (I would like to have 2 glasses of wine a day, with frequent days without any wine.)

I would appreciate any and all feedback.:wiggle:

Hi Zuzu,

I spent a couple of years trying to cut back and moderate my drinking. It didn't work. I wasted years trying to make it work. When I wasn't drinking, I was thinking about when I would, where, how much. If you're an alcoholic, cutting back is not an option. When you cross the invisible line, there is no going back.

There are lots of ways to find joy, other than wine-tasting. I have found so many things that bring joy to my life and I am so grateful to recovery for allowing that to happen.

Moderation
 

If you are alcoholic like me, you will not be able to moderate, however, if you are not alcoholic moderation seems like a good way for you to go. Find out what your truth is and go from there.

Well, if you aren't an alcoholic, that might work. If you are, it won't.

If you have always been anxious and depressed
and you always drink alcohol...do you see a connection?

No need to answer me...just something for you to consider.

So many things to be enjoyed that do not include wine.
You too can change directions for health and happiness.

Blessings

:

I would like to have a half glass of wine maybe once or twice a year. Maybe go to the wine tasting in the middle of the state or just cross the boarder in NH. Maybe have my wife get another bottle of that home made Italian wine from the guy in the North end.
What I would like and what I can do are two different things. Wine would have me return to full time drinking faster then any other kind of alcohol.
Our intake (alcoholic or not) is progressive by nature.
Today..two glasses but twice a week.
5 weeks from now...3 glasses but twice a week.
10 weeks from now... 3 glasses but 5 times per week.
A year from now...Who knows...maybe a bottle and a half every night, every day of the week.

If you are going to try moderation...remember the progressive nature of alcohol intake. If you want to be free of the burden our thoughts battle while we try to moderate... abstinence is the way.
Yes wine can be an enjoyable drink but wine can also bring much more harm and pain into our life then the taste is worth for me.

I agree with all that has been said. Only you can decide if you are an alcoholic.
Zuzu it is my understanding that non alcoholics don't use alcohol to ease out of anxiety. I don't know personally because I am an alcoholic and I used it for that purpose for many years. See if you can find another way of dealing with your anxiety, if not........

I would like to have two glasses of wine a day too! And two glasses of beer. And two glasses of scotch. And two glasses of rum mixed with fruit punch. And two Bloody Marys. And so on.....

Except that might not be enough. :(

Yes, I too would love to be able to attend wine tastings, cocktail parties, etc., and etc... but the wine I would drink out of that pretty little glass would soon (probably that very same night!) be drunk straight from the bottle, followed by and even bigger bottle of vodka... then would come the mouthwash and the vanilla extract...

As much as I would love to be a "normal drinker," I had to do enough "research" to find out that I am just, well, NOT.

The Big Book welcomes you to do your own research... Just be careful, because the alcoholic area of "study" is extremely dangerous, and you may not live through it.

My best to you...

Kai

I am truly finding this to be a difficult decision.

I wrote in another section how I often sip wine all day long - it always came to 4-5 glasses in a twenty-four hour period. I never get "drunk" but I definitely use it like a "security blanket."

Oh, and one security blanket replaced another: I suffered from eating disorders for 30 years (mostly anorexia.) I finally stopped that with a great therapist, but now I sip wine. Yes, sip. Literally - all day long.:umbrella:

I am an alcoholic, moderation is out of the question for me, the best way I have ever heard it put was this:

Every alcoholics dream is to drink like a normal person. Do you think normal people dream about drinking?

i know my daughter tried to control/moderate her drinking. and failed.

support to you, k

I couldn't but I am an alcoholic. I would keep researching to see what methods have some sort of success.

Also, one thought, have you tried addressing the underlying issues that lead to "needing to sip wine" to get rid of anxiety? Alcohol solves nothing and maybe talking to a professional will help get to the root of why you think you need it.

Best of luck and thank you for posting!
:ham3

I have tried countless times to moderate. Things like trying only at weekends, just some wine with dinner, only a few beers. But after time the amounts go up, the number of days I can drink go up, and then one night I'll go out of control and screw everything up again.
I also love good food and wine. But I love keeping my wife and family happy more. I know I'm only on 7 days but I'm keeping my priorities completely focused in my mind.
We had a little party thins weekend, I drank non-alcoholic beer and still had as good a time as ever.

A little wine has always been my "gateway" drink right back to the bottle full time. I usually start by saying, "I'm not going to drink any hard liquor, just a glass of wine before bed." And the next thing I know, I'm guzzling about 3 glasses before bed. After that, I need a bottle per day then on to the big bottles of cheap wine. After that, I opt for something stronger b/c I figure it's taking too many calories to get a buzz. By the way, I'm a recovering anorexic as well... So, then right back to my drink of choice; vodka mixed with something that's zero calories...

I hope you find the right path for yourself....

ZuZu

It is pretty predictable when one is on the cusp of realizing that alcohol is a problem, that the urge to "negotiate" occurs. I dare say that most of us have been there and done that.

We tend to "minimize" just how unmanageable life is. We are anxious to find a balance, thinking that balance can include our drug of choice. Other people do it, why not me?

We are desperate to find a way to keep our companion in our life somehow. Can't we just be occasional lovers? But, like a lover, alcohol has a mind and an appetite of its own. It wants all of us or none of us.

That is (our) the alcoholic's dilemma. The one we all faced. If you are like us, we can tell you how the script reads already. We can recite it word for word.

I love fine wine. Microbrews. VSOP Cognac. A man of taste. Problem is, alcohol treated me like a tramp.

It is for you to decide whether your life is unmanageable. Whether you can carry on or moderate your love affair. We tried, some of us many times. Some of us may try again. As for me, I'm through. I've done all the research I need to. I am a very "functional" alcoholic. Not ugly, not violent, but one beer leads to many. Every day. I cannot control it, no matter what I do. I negotiated and alcohol cleaned my clock every time.

Good luck negotiating.

warren

***GROWL***:grumble:

Zuzu, personally I can't moderate my way out of a paper bag! :Dance7:

But we all have to come to our own personal truth on our own. Here's the deal: if moderation works for you, then there's no reason why you can't quit for two weeks. Try it. If you can do it, then you can likely go without it. My sense is that you'll know the answer during those two weeks. If you're constantly craving it, then you'll need help from other people (AA or the like). If you're good without drinking, then you'll know it.

Also, a site to check out is SMART recovery. It doesn't work for me, but I know a lot of people who've had success with it. It may be more along the lines of what you're looking for.

Best of luck! Let us know how you are!

-- NM