LibertyorDeath

Day #6- I wanted to settle into my old Saturday routine of drinking shots of vodka and listening to talk radio. Maybe I’d do some yard work or clean up our house. I’d go to the porch for a cigarette now and again. I’d feel attractive. I’d hope friends would stop by to visit. They would. I’d make drinks and we’d tell each other how attractive we were. Maybe I’d throw a snack together but no one would eat because we would be getting hammered.

Sometime during the raucous laughter and mutual admiration I’d pass out. I’d wake up at 3:00 am and hope the yard wasn’t in flames from the cigarettes that were tossed on the dry grass. I’d thirst for water, drink two quarts, and wake up later with a bloated face and belly. My jeans wouldn’t button. A roll of white fleshy fat would roll over the top.

I’d look at my face in the bathroom mirror and the eye make up that I didn’t remove would have left me with crescents of death beneath my bloodshot eyes and I’d know I wasn’t attractive at all. My mother would call and I’d let the machine get it because I was ashamed of myself. I’d think back over the night, what I could remember of it, and pray I didn’t say or do anything over the top.

I will remain sober today. There is no other option. I choose liberty.


Liberty~

nogard

Thanks for the reminder (minus the makeup) its great to have choices each and every day in recovery. Getting well is so much more attractive.

Kevin

mle-sober

I chose Liberty too!!! Good for you! I do think that remembering (in detail) the moral hangover helps sometimes when I feel that pull to the bottle. Good job. I hated more than anything waking up and being confused about what had happened or why I'd done something.

LibertyorDeath

I had to consider some of the disgusting consequences because as much as I hate to admit this, I was very close to tipping a few tonight. I had to force my brain to get past the urge by writing down what was likely to happen if I were to drink a beer. (My vodka is gone now but I can buy beer locally.)

I am evidently a problem thinker and drinker. I will have to work on both.
That is something I realized today and I believe it came from reading the posts here on SR. Many, many thanks.