Son is an addict
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Old Town, FL
Posts: 1
Son is an addict
Hello,
This is my first time joining such a group. As I have no family to speak of and my husband (my sons step dad) is not one I can talk freely with, especially about my son. It is my hope I can find folks out there that have similar situations and can share insight, advise and just to comeserate with.
My son is 26 years old. His father and I divorsed when he was 8. I could go on about that subject for hours, but that would solve nothing. He was due in court this past Tuesday to report for his four month incarseration for his second DUI. His first he got on his 24th birthday on his way home from celebrating with dear old dad. He was arrested Monday night on petty theft and resisting arrest charges. Since he missed his court date for the DUI due to being in jail for the theft, I don't know if his bond has been violated or what to expect in reguard to that. I am at a total loss to know what to do and how I can help him. I have done all I know to do and can financially afford to do. He could not afford an attorney, so he is relying on a public defernder which has so far proven to be quite useless. You get what you pay for-right? I live about 200 miles north of him. A few months ago he was a day or two away from being homeless. I went down and got him, moved him in to my home, gave him a clean bed, home cooked meals and all the love a mother possibly can. He thanked my by coming home most nights just trashed. As in his face was in his plate at dinner. He was able to obtain these drugs and alchol from a neighbor he used to go to school with 5th and 6th grade. The more I tried to talk to him, the worse he seemed to get. It escalated to the point he started to trash the house in a fit of anger. My husband stepped in at that point and the fur did fly. I could not get my son to back down and ended up having to call the law. He was hauled off to jail. They released him the next morning and before noon was rearrested agin for public intoxication. He spent three weeks in jail until his court date as I refussed to post his bond. The day he was released I took him back down south whre he stayed with a friend for a while.
I'm rattling...sorry.
Don't know where to start and stop...I've never done this before!
He's been calling me every night from jail-collect of course.
He plays the poor pittifull me routine. Threatning suicide, saying how his life might as well be over, has nothing to look forward to when he gets out...yada-yada-yada. I try to give him positive input and tell him to look forward to getting out and a productive future, rather than dwelling on whre he is now and how bad it all is.
The man seriously needs rehab, not jail. Hopefully when he does get out he will check in to such a place. But it would have to be a facility that does charity and he nor I have the means to pay for such a treatment. If I did, maybe he wouldn't be in the shape he's in now.
Does anyone one know of such a facility?
As his mother, I can't help but feel responsible for the man he has become. Even if I had little to do with his raising, as I had a very overbearing mother in law and a husband that didn't know how to say no to him. My son left to go live with his dad at the age of 11 and it's been a mess ever since. My biggest fault is not having the backbone to stick up for myself or my child.
That's more than enough for now I'm sure.
Hope I havn't bored you to tears!!!
Please...someone...
help!!!!
Talk to me!!!
ppkruzr
This is my first time joining such a group. As I have no family to speak of and my husband (my sons step dad) is not one I can talk freely with, especially about my son. It is my hope I can find folks out there that have similar situations and can share insight, advise and just to comeserate with.
My son is 26 years old. His father and I divorsed when he was 8. I could go on about that subject for hours, but that would solve nothing. He was due in court this past Tuesday to report for his four month incarseration for his second DUI. His first he got on his 24th birthday on his way home from celebrating with dear old dad. He was arrested Monday night on petty theft and resisting arrest charges. Since he missed his court date for the DUI due to being in jail for the theft, I don't know if his bond has been violated or what to expect in reguard to that. I am at a total loss to know what to do and how I can help him. I have done all I know to do and can financially afford to do. He could not afford an attorney, so he is relying on a public defernder which has so far proven to be quite useless. You get what you pay for-right? I live about 200 miles north of him. A few months ago he was a day or two away from being homeless. I went down and got him, moved him in to my home, gave him a clean bed, home cooked meals and all the love a mother possibly can. He thanked my by coming home most nights just trashed. As in his face was in his plate at dinner. He was able to obtain these drugs and alchol from a neighbor he used to go to school with 5th and 6th grade. The more I tried to talk to him, the worse he seemed to get. It escalated to the point he started to trash the house in a fit of anger. My husband stepped in at that point and the fur did fly. I could not get my son to back down and ended up having to call the law. He was hauled off to jail. They released him the next morning and before noon was rearrested agin for public intoxication. He spent three weeks in jail until his court date as I refussed to post his bond. The day he was released I took him back down south whre he stayed with a friend for a while.
I'm rattling...sorry.
Don't know where to start and stop...I've never done this before!
He's been calling me every night from jail-collect of course.
He plays the poor pittifull me routine. Threatning suicide, saying how his life might as well be over, has nothing to look forward to when he gets out...yada-yada-yada. I try to give him positive input and tell him to look forward to getting out and a productive future, rather than dwelling on whre he is now and how bad it all is.
The man seriously needs rehab, not jail. Hopefully when he does get out he will check in to such a place. But it would have to be a facility that does charity and he nor I have the means to pay for such a treatment. If I did, maybe he wouldn't be in the shape he's in now.
Does anyone one know of such a facility?
As his mother, I can't help but feel responsible for the man he has become. Even if I had little to do with his raising, as I had a very overbearing mother in law and a husband that didn't know how to say no to him. My son left to go live with his dad at the age of 11 and it's been a mess ever since. My biggest fault is not having the backbone to stick up for myself or my child.
That's more than enough for now I'm sure.
Hope I havn't bored you to tears!!!
Please...someone...
help!!!!
Talk to me!!!
ppkruzr
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
nice to meet you, ppkruzr. i have a 24, almost 25 year old daughter who is an alcoholic/addict. i sure understand your pain. my husband and i did a lot too - financial support, roof over head, bail outs. and she kept using and drinking. it's very difficult to let go, i know that from first hand experience.
we (hubby and i) are now members of alanon - it helps us a lot.
know this about your son's addiction:
you didn't cause it.
you can't cure it.
you cannot control it.
you do have many choices though, as far as how you let it affect your life and serenity.
my best advice is to take care of you, and let your son face his consequences and choices. when he is ready to recover, he will. until then, there is no reason why you can't get better.
hugs, and check out the friend and family sections here at sr as well - there are many parents just like us over there! we are not alone!
k
we (hubby and i) are now members of alanon - it helps us a lot.
know this about your son's addiction:
you didn't cause it.
you can't cure it.
you cannot control it.
you do have many choices though, as far as how you let it affect your life and serenity.
my best advice is to take care of you, and let your son face his consequences and choices. when he is ready to recover, he will. until then, there is no reason why you can't get better.
hugs, and check out the friend and family sections here at sr as well - there are many parents just like us over there! we are not alone!
k
Last edited by parentrecovers; 05-02-2008 at 12:17 PM.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Welcome to SR. We have a forum called Friends and Family of Substance Abusers that you might want to check out. There are alot of people in the same situation as you are who regularly post there. Once you get there you will find more help and support by reading the sticky threads and posts.
You can find that forum by using the Forum Jump window at the bottom right of this page.
You can find that forum by using the Forum Jump window at the bottom right of this page.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: San Jose, CA
Posts: 266
HI,
If you are worried about the bond, call the place that bailed him out and let them know he is back in jail. Which they already should know that he is back in jail.
If he wants help he can tell the courts he would like to see about getting help for his addications. If you have not been thru this before most of the court appointed attonterys are just as good as any of them.
If you are worried about the bond, call the place that bailed him out and let them know he is back in jail. Which they already should know that he is back in jail.
If he wants help he can tell the courts he would like to see about getting help for his addications. If you have not been thru this before most of the court appointed attonterys are just as good as any of them.
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