About to give it all up
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Recovery
Posts: 3,229
Thanks Emilie, that post was so sweet! It made me smile!
This night has been difficult beyond words. But I am glad that I didn't drink. I would have regretted it.
When I get through this, it may make me stronger for having gone through it.
This night has been difficult beyond words. But I am glad that I didn't drink. I would have regretted it.
When I get through this, it may make me stronger for having gone through it.
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Recovery
Posts: 3,229
I am so glad that I reached out. If I had not reached out and told somebody what was going on and what I was feeling, I don't know if I would have made it. On this night, I don't think I could have survived it by myself.
I don't know what happened. My judgment was so clouded from being upset and angry, that I couldn't think it through.
So I'm grateful for the strength to help get me through this.
I don't know what happened. My judgment was so clouded from being upset and angry, that I couldn't think it through.
So I'm grateful for the strength to help get me through this.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I'm glad you reached out, too, Hope. I came on here late, but it's now midnight so maybe you can breathe easily?
One really bad night I had, I logged on here and a friend here "talked" to me until I could calm down and think straight.
This WILL make you stronger. Each time we get through something we think we couldn't get through, we get a little more confident in ourselves and our recovery.
Give yourself a pat on the back. It's not the feelings that can get us in trouble, but how we deal with them and you reached out....way to go!!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
One really bad night I had, I logged on here and a friend here "talked" to me until I could calm down and think straight.
This WILL make you stronger. Each time we get through something we think we couldn't get through, we get a little more confident in ourselves and our recovery.
Give yourself a pat on the back. It's not the feelings that can get us in trouble, but how we deal with them and you reached out....way to go!!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Recovery
Posts: 3,229
The store closed, the urge to drink passed and I am finally back to thinking rational again.
I still have to deal with these feelings. I really care about this person and sometimes I say things without thinking and what I said totally came out wrong and it has caused tension. But I blame myself for it. It was that blame and anger turned inward that caused the craving to self-destruct almost as a way to "punish" myself for the mistake I made with my friend.
I still have to deal with these feelings. I really care about this person and sometimes I say things without thinking and what I said totally came out wrong and it has caused tension. But I blame myself for it. It was that blame and anger turned inward that caused the craving to self-destruct almost as a way to "punish" myself for the mistake I made with my friend.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Just remember, sweetie, you're learning to deal with feelings a whole new way. We're used to smothering them with alcohol (in your case) or crack (in my case). At first, the feelings feel totally overwhelming.
When I've done something that makes me angry with myself, I ask myself if there is a way to correct it, or at least make it better. Most of the time, there is and I do it. If there's NOT, then I just pray really hard to help me get through the feelings, learn my lesson so I don't repeat it.
When I've done something that makes me angry with myself, I ask myself if there is a way to correct it, or at least make it better. Most of the time, there is and I do it. If there's NOT, then I just pray really hard to help me get through the feelings, learn my lesson so I don't repeat it.
FreeSpirit
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Inside My Spirit
Posts: 1,274
Hope4Life, I could Identified with you on the Anger issue
I've been clean 3 months on 5-9-008, If is Gods willing
I'll be making 4 month, when I star it recovery
I left everything in one shot By the Grace of God
and since Saturday night,I let some Folks
Get the best of me, remember I told you I could Identified
with you about the Anger issue, and I spas out on those
people,and the Hall ordeal effect it me in such a way
and to top it off this Friday that pass my Dad when missing
he didn't call, he is 70 years old he has a Gambling addiction
Oh! do he doesn't admitted it, he finally call on Monday
so I had a pretty mess up weekend, and now is 12:32 am
and he hasn't come back from work and I'm still angry at the two individuals who hurt me Bad, how bad can it get Man, I have to see this people all the time , man and Guess what for not Thinking!
or sharing at S.R. or I relapse with Cigarettes Yes it mite seen
insignificant to others but to me meant allot and the feeling was more hurtful then what they did to me and my anger all combine all together
what I'm trying to share with you, is just what everybody on the Panel is been trying to tell you,was it worth it I was doing so go
you know the hardest thing to leave is cigarettes now to
star all over again,and the people who provoke this pain
there are sleeping in peace, happy, and I'm left with a Bitter sower taste in my mouth, and in Pain, again It's it Worth It, "NO"
I've been clean 3 months on 5-9-008, If is Gods willing
I'll be making 4 month, when I star it recovery
I left everything in one shot By the Grace of God
and since Saturday night,I let some Folks
Get the best of me, remember I told you I could Identified
with you about the Anger issue, and I spas out on those
people,and the Hall ordeal effect it me in such a way
and to top it off this Friday that pass my Dad when missing
he didn't call, he is 70 years old he has a Gambling addiction
Oh! do he doesn't admitted it, he finally call on Monday
so I had a pretty mess up weekend, and now is 12:32 am
and he hasn't come back from work and I'm still angry at the two individuals who hurt me Bad, how bad can it get Man, I have to see this people all the time , man and Guess what for not Thinking!
or sharing at S.R. or I relapse with Cigarettes Yes it mite seen
insignificant to others but to me meant allot and the feeling was more hurtful then what they did to me and my anger all combine all together
what I'm trying to share with you, is just what everybody on the Panel is been trying to tell you,was it worth it I was doing so go
you know the hardest thing to leave is cigarettes now to
star all over again,and the people who provoke this pain
there are sleeping in peace, happy, and I'm left with a Bitter sower taste in my mouth, and in Pain, again It's it Worth It, "NO"
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Recovery
Posts: 3,229
I'm doing okay now. I went and read the assignment out of the Big Book that I'm discussing with my sponsor this weekend.
I can't believe how quickly I went from being okay to a total state of freaking out. I have not had that in a long time. But then again, the person this is happening with is someone I'm the closest with. Otherwise, it wouldn't affect me so much.
So I may be facing the loss of someone I care about. Thanks to my impulsive stupidity. *Sigh*
Still growing and learning I guess.
I can't believe how quickly I went from being okay to a total state of freaking out. I have not had that in a long time. But then again, the person this is happening with is someone I'm the closest with. Otherwise, it wouldn't affect me so much.
So I may be facing the loss of someone I care about. Thanks to my impulsive stupidity. *Sigh*
Still growing and learning I guess.
FreeSpirit
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Inside My Spirit
Posts: 1,274
It's alright Kiddo don't be hard on your self
It's a learning process,sometimes we have to give room and
let Go in order to Grow I know It sucks to feel what we feel
But is part of Growing you will be alright see the bright side
you are going to study the book this weekend,and there are many of us that can't make it to a meeting for many reason
mines is I have Bipolar and It's not been treated
I have to wait on 5-28-008 so I could be evaluated and
get my medication so I could go on with plan B and
God &
S.R. for there support cause I don't know what would it been of me
so you see Kiddo you Got it Better,you have a sponsor
don't through all that away,for no one, say like this
You First,you second, & you Third,and everybody Else takes a number:rof
It's a learning process,sometimes we have to give room and
let Go in order to Grow I know It sucks to feel what we feel
But is part of Growing you will be alright see the bright side
you are going to study the book this weekend,and there are many of us that can't make it to a meeting for many reason
mines is I have Bipolar and It's not been treated
I have to wait on 5-28-008 so I could be evaluated and
get my medication so I could go on with plan B and
God &S.R. for there support cause I don't know what would it been of me
so you see Kiddo you Got it Better,you have a sponsor
don't through all that away,for no one, say like this
You First,you second, & you Third,and everybody Else takes a number:rof
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,779
Glad you made it safely thru that dangerous time. Anything is easier if we can share it with friends. If we share joy, it is doubled; if we share pain, it is halved.
That's what friends are for!:ghug3
That's what friends are for!:ghug3
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Recovery
Posts: 3,229
You are the best friends I could ask for.
I found my answer in the above post. Sometimes we have to give room and let go in order to grow. That is exactly what I have to do now. Give space and let go. I think that was put in there for a reason and it is exactly the solution for my situation.
I've just been moody and going through a lot lately. I've had some issues with college, I can't have much contact with my family and I do love my family and almost every person in my family is going down hill with health problems. I'm scared of my whole family dying and leaving me behind.
Well, I guess it was the simple fact of everything accumulating and overwhelming me and I have been moody with a friend of mine and other people as well. I've been really angry at everything lately. Most people who don't understand early recovery don't understand what we are going through. The mood swings and challenges of early recovery are not easy and I know that's the reason I get moody with people a lot. But how can someone put up with me? I think I've pushed the patience beyond it's limits in this case but what's done is done and I can't change the past so it will either work out or not work out.
I think I had an anxiety attack earlier. I don't ever get those but I really had myself worked up tonight.
I think from now own, I'm going to avoid deep personal relationships that involve investing pieces of myself because if it goes wrong, then I'm left with the broken pieces.
I found my answer in the above post. Sometimes we have to give room and let go in order to grow. That is exactly what I have to do now. Give space and let go. I think that was put in there for a reason and it is exactly the solution for my situation.
I've just been moody and going through a lot lately. I've had some issues with college, I can't have much contact with my family and I do love my family and almost every person in my family is going down hill with health problems. I'm scared of my whole family dying and leaving me behind.
Well, I guess it was the simple fact of everything accumulating and overwhelming me and I have been moody with a friend of mine and other people as well. I've been really angry at everything lately. Most people who don't understand early recovery don't understand what we are going through. The mood swings and challenges of early recovery are not easy and I know that's the reason I get moody with people a lot. But how can someone put up with me? I think I've pushed the patience beyond it's limits in this case but what's done is done and I can't change the past so it will either work out or not work out.
I think I had an anxiety attack earlier. I don't ever get those but I really had myself worked up tonight.
I think from now own, I'm going to avoid deep personal relationships that involve investing pieces of myself because if it goes wrong, then I'm left with the broken pieces.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I don't know about avoiding deep personal relationships, but I do totally understand trying to protect your feelings from getting hurt.
I know I've avoided getting into any relationship with a man until I do more work on ME, because my 3 major relationships have been with an alcoholic and 2 crack addicts...not very good choices.
My friends, though, I've held on tight to. When I relapsed, a little over a year ago, my best friend had just been locked up (nothing to do with drugs). To make a long story short, I had some of her money and needed to send her things she needed in jail. I didn't....I spent it on crack.
I felt HORRIBLE and when she had someone call me, the girl said "she doesn't care about the money...she cares about YOU". I wrote to her, paid her back (and more) by sending "care packages" to jail. She just got out in Feb. and I wouldn't trade her friendship for anything. She is the one person who knows everything there is to know about me.
I guess what I'm saying is it's okay to not get totally enmeshed in a relationship or give it a little space (my friend and I live 2 hours apart, so don't see each other much, but talk on the phone). But don't isolate, either. That is a really bad thing in recovery.
I know I've avoided getting into any relationship with a man until I do more work on ME, because my 3 major relationships have been with an alcoholic and 2 crack addicts...not very good choices.
My friends, though, I've held on tight to. When I relapsed, a little over a year ago, my best friend had just been locked up (nothing to do with drugs). To make a long story short, I had some of her money and needed to send her things she needed in jail. I didn't....I spent it on crack.
I felt HORRIBLE and when she had someone call me, the girl said "she doesn't care about the money...she cares about YOU". I wrote to her, paid her back (and more) by sending "care packages" to jail. She just got out in Feb. and I wouldn't trade her friendship for anything. She is the one person who knows everything there is to know about me.
I guess what I'm saying is it's okay to not get totally enmeshed in a relationship or give it a little space (my friend and I live 2 hours apart, so don't see each other much, but talk on the phone). But don't isolate, either. That is a really bad thing in recovery.
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Join Date: Feb 2006
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Posts: 3,229
I woke up this morning without a hangover! I'm glad I got through last night. I'm doing so much better this morning!
The anger is gone. Actually, I feel peaceful because I made a decision regarding that situation and I intend to follow it. I just feel it's the right thing to do for me and for him.
The anger is gone. Actually, I feel peaceful because I made a decision regarding that situation and I intend to follow it. I just feel it's the right thing to do for me and for him.
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Cheryl sorry to hear that you had a bad day!
It happens and even with almost 2 years it still happens, but we just don't entertain the thought that we can use. It wouldn't do us any good, is a matter of fact we all know the vicious cycle that will occur.
I have been struggling here lately myself. Not sure what the heck is going on but hanging on is all I can do at times
They say that you get squirrelly around your birthdays...maybe that is it but hell I have been squirrelly all my life
So today we can hang on just one more day!
Love ya
<a href="http://www.sobercomments.com/"><img src="http://www.sobercomments.com/images/holdon.gif"</a>
It happens and even with almost 2 years it still happens, but we just don't entertain the thought that we can use. It wouldn't do us any good, is a matter of fact we all know the vicious cycle that will occur.
I have been struggling here lately myself. Not sure what the heck is going on but hanging on is all I can do at times
They say that you get squirrelly around your birthdays...maybe that is it but hell I have been squirrelly all my life
So today we can hang on just one more day!
Love ya
<a href="http://www.sobercomments.com/"><img src="http://www.sobercomments.com/images/holdon.gif"</a>
Member
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Recovery
Posts: 3,229
Hang in there.
Even when we struggle, we can remind ourselves that it is still better than waking up the next morning on Day 1.
It always passes. Yes, last night was a nightmare for me. But after I slept, I woke up and was able to handle the situation better.
All we have to do is focus on staying sober today. So we can definitely hang on for one more day!!
Love ya!
Even when we struggle, we can remind ourselves that it is still better than waking up the next morning on Day 1.
It always passes. Yes, last night was a nightmare for me. But after I slept, I woke up and was able to handle the situation better.
All we have to do is focus on staying sober today. So we can definitely hang on for one more day!!
Love ya!
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
You know all we have is today, I have heard more then one person in the rooms share that when a day is not going well that they simply start the day over!!!! They say a prayer and continue on with a new beginning for today.
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