Hope

I'm holding onto that hope.

I have to get through this tough part to get to the good. One foot in front of the other.

Last night was an awful night for me. But today is going well so far. I feel better today than I did last night.

I'm hanging in there!

ImJulie

Good for you honey!
You are not alone.

I had a fantastic meltdown yesterday. Crying, snot running down my face...man was I a sight! Or a fright! Whatever...lol
While I was going through my meltdown, I tend to convince myself that my whole life is sh!t. That because I feel bad now, it will feel this way forever.
I catch myself thinking about all the negative aspects of my life, and dramatizing everything. My sicko mind plans out whats probably going to happen tomorrow, or next week, or when I see the person I ticked off...heck, I even plan what they are going to say to me!

My meltdown yesterday was the shortest Ive ever had.
Likely because I posted on here and asked for help and clarity. And the good folks of SR gave it to me.

Just keep talking honey....keep talking and typing. It really does help so much.
:ghug

Hope

I'm here for you too. *hugs*

Must have been one of those days.
I totally had a meltdown last night too. But we both made it through it!
I did the same thing you did. I came on SR and talked it out.

Talking to the great people on here last night who kept me company gave me the strength to face the pain without picking up a drink. I'm glad I came and talked it out. That would have been too much hurt to carry on my own shoulders alone without any support.

ImJulie

This is an awesome place, isnt it?

Im finding that if I leave my thoughts in my head, they seem rational to me. They seem perfectly normal and sane.
Then, when I begin to type them out and share them...something happens. Suddenly, I start to realize that my thoughts are not so rational at all. Sometimes they border on the insane.

Wanna hear a weird example? Haha...follow the insanity of my thinking alone....

Ive been walking to my morning meetings. I dont have a car, so if I wanna get there, its foot power.
So...the other day while walking there, I start thinking that all this walking is just stupid. My feet hurt. They hurt everytime I walk there, even though Ive tried every pair of shoes I own. And I have no money for new shoes. Comfy new Nike running shoes. I want new shoes. I cant have new shoes..I have no money. And all my shoes suck. They are not made for walking. Ahhhh, walking sucks! Well, I guess Ill quit going to the morning meetings. Its too bad too...cuz I get alot out of them. But, whatever...I have no good shoes.
Somehow, through all this insane thinking...my body just kept walking towards the meeting. Before I knew it, I was there.
Hmmm, my last morning meeting, I thought to myself.
I shared a smoke with a guy out front, and whined about walking and my sore feet and how I was probably just going to go to night meetings from now on.
Honest to God....I didnt even need to see the sly little grin on his face....I knew it as soon as I said it out loud to somebody. I didnt need convincing that I was being ridiculous.

I enjoyed my walk home. I took my shoes off and walked in bare feet.

Hope

You described it perfectly! This is true! I couldn't have said it better myself.

It's easy to rationalize even the most silliest nonsense when it's in your own mind. Getting it out in the open allows you and others to see the reality of it.

Anything can seem sane in our own mind but by sharing, we discover the truths of the thoughts.

Sometimes when we speak what's on our mind, we can really 'feel' what we are trying to say. Our mind holds our thoughts but something different happens when they are verbalized or typed.

That was a wonderful example you shared about walking to the morning meeting. I'm glad that you decided to keep on walking to it.

ImJulie

If I get my body there, my mind usually follows.