ScoobaSteve

Hello All,

I wanted to introduce myself. This is my first post on the board. I've struggled with alcoholism more than half my life. I love drinking, I do; I just can't stand what I do when I'm drunk. I "fell" off the water wagon about 2 years ago and haven't had more than probably a dozen sober days since. I wake up every morning with regrets or with no recollection of what I did. There is no question in my mind that I am an alcoholic. I recognise the value of AA, but I am frigging sick of it. I know it's not the only game in town when it comes to recovery, but it's the only one i've run across that makes sense. I'm not exactly sure what I'm trying to share with you guys; maybe I just needed to admit to some other people what a large problem my drinking has become again. It's not like the old days; I'm not doing any dope, but I know I'm a better man than this. I suppose I'm just frustrated. That stupid idea that I can drink successfully always pops back up and seems to make such sense to me. I've wasted two years on it again.

-Scooba

Astro

Hello Scooba, and welcome to SR! Admitting we're powerless over alcohol is sort of an AA thing, Step 1 and all. But if you don't want to go there no sense in saying too much, it's just what worked for me.

I loved drinking too, and there are times when I still miss it, but after 27 years of daily drinking I finally bottomed out and knew there was no way I could ever safely take a drink again.

I hope you find a plan for your recovery that works for you. Keep reading and posting, this is a great site to share your experience with other alcoholics.

kmill

Hi Scooba,
I have also got sick of waking up to a horrible atmosphere and with no recollection of what I've done but knowing whatever it was was really bad. I too know that I'm a better man than that drunk guy. And it is my goal to prove it.
Good luck to you sir.

BUTTERFLY-7

"Crossing The River Of Denial"

She finally realized that when she enjoyed her
Drinking, she couldn't control it, and when she
controlled it, she couldn't enjoy it.

ScoobaSteve

Man I'm not necessarily unwilling to go there....It's just the idea of going back there AGAIN. I think it's just the idea of admitting defeat. As for a recovery plan....I don't have one. I'm pretty short on good ideas these days. I'd just really like to string together a few days where I didn't drink myself into oblivion.

ScoobaSteve

Where is that quote from? I dig it.

BUTTERFLY-7

I got it from the Book of "Alcoholic Anonymous" it's awesome book
is about the many Thousands of "Men and Women" who have
recovered from "Alcoholism", the Fourth Edition. and Guess where
I got it from By going to and A/A meeting this was in 2004.

listen I could walk the horse to Drink Water, but I surely can't force
the horse to drink the Water.
no offense Bro It's just a saying there is no functional Addict
out there It's always the same results,Dead ends.

ScoobaSteve

Is it a quote from one of the stories in a newer edition? I think my big book is the 2nd or 3rd edition

Astro

I'm sure going back is incredibly hard, I'm grateful that it stuck for me the first time and so far I haven't found it necessary to drink again. But believe me when I tell you that you'll always have a seat in the rooms of AA, and you're always welcome. Well, as long as you're alive and not in jail. Seeking help and having the desire to be clean and sober in recovery isn't defeat as far as I know, it takes great courage and strength.

As far as stringing together a few days, I'm sure you're capable, but what will you do after that? Staying sober on willpower alone never worked for me. Without a recovery plan, it was just a matter of days before I picked up again.

Astro

Glad to hear you've got a Big Book! The first 164 pages haven't changed, but some of the stories of recovery have been updated. At just about any AA meeting you should be able to get a new edition. If you can't afford one sometimes you'll be given one or another member will generously purchase it for you.

ScoobaSteve

Yeah, I'm capable doing it as long as I lock myself in my house after work....no that doesn't sound like a very good long term plan. It is my plan for after work today. There is an early birds meeting tomorrow; I expect I'll get myself to it. back to friggin AA

Anna

Hi Scooba, and Welcome,

You are never admitting defeat, as long as you keep on trying, one way or another, to get and stay sober.

I'm glad you found us, and choose whatever method or program that works for you. It's always good for me to read here and to post. It helps.

BUTTERFLY-7

It's from the fourth Edition Book,

Astro

Doesn't sound like such a bad idea to me. For some reason I've been going to those friggin' meetings every day for over three years.

Do yourself a favor and don't leave 5 minutes before the miracle happens, OK?

Missymae737

Hi,

Welcome to SR...

Keep posting, glad you found us...

CarolD

My solid sobriety began when I attended early meetings
before work. How odd! Even work went smooother.

Welcome to SR!

ScoobaSteve

I've always found the people at early meetings have more of a tendency to carry the message as it is in the book as opposed to whining about their cats and jobs

Astro

I'll agree with ya there, I attend an AM spiritual meeting a couple times a month. The early risers do seem just a little more serious about their sobriety.

barb dwyer

Hi Steve and welcome!

The person who walks into their first meeting without fear -
especially their first meeting after a substantial relapse ...
is a bigger fool than an alcoholic.

I've done both.
And I'm alive to tell about it.

JMO.

You're in the right place.