iWANTmyLIFEback

Hey everyone. My names Chelsea,I'm 18. I have an addiction to painkillers...specifically oxycodone 80mgs (I break it in half) which has synthetic heroin in it. Most of the time I used roxicotin 30mgs...it's the same thing as oxycodone really just not as strong. I've been without oxycodone now (April 28 '08) for a full 24 hours. I've been on oxycodone for 2 years, I've tried getting off so many times and it just doesn't work. I only got off once for like 2 weeks because I overdosed and was in the hospital hallucinating so I clearly wasn't in my right mind and don't remember anything. But unfortunatly as soon as I was back to normal I went right back to them. Before I got on oxycodone and roxicotin I was on lortabs 10mgs(hydrocodone) for about a year and a half and to me that's nothing compared to the *%&# I'm now.
I could write a novel on how/why I started. To shorten it up:my Dad started getting sick during my freshman year in high school and I'd take a lortab every once in a while to take away the mental pain.As time progressed his health got worse and worse to I kept the "tabs" coming. Then on my junior year we moved. That just did it for me. I grew up there,I was born there,I lived there for 16 years of my life and in the blink of an eye it got taken away. Everyone and everything I knew was gone. So that's when I started abusing the lortabs. Then the tabs wouldn't do it for me anymore so I moved up to oxycodone. To this day my Dad's health is getting worse and worse as the months go by. These pills took my life away,they took the Chelsea everyone knew away. I have at least 3 pages worth of reason's why I should get off these things.
Just to name a few:
-I dropped out of school during my senior year at my new school. So I need to go try and get my G.E.D.
-I've gain so much weight,so I need to get back in shape.
-I want to spend time w/ my family again.

And that's just a few. No one in my family except for my parents know I'm an addict. I don't want to go to rehab, and I have so many ?'s that I can't find the answers to. I want help from someone whose done this before or whose going through the same thing. Through this whole thing I've hurt the people I love. And now it's time to fix things for good. So I'm asking for everyone's advice,help,and prayers.

Thanks,
Chelsea

:praying

Anna

Hi Chelsea,

I'm glad you found us and that you have decided to live a clean and sober life.

Others will be along who can give you more information on ocycodones.

Have you talked to your dr?

Surlyredhead

Hi Chelsea, welcome to SR, I am glad you are here and I look forward to reading your posts.

Cathy

nogard

Hi Chelsea, welcome to SR Great Name, Great Goal

donnajr1

Chelsea, please think about going to NA meetings. There are a lot of folks there around your age that can really help you and get you back on track as they are. AA has NA meetings and a lot of the NA members come to AA to keep their sobriety. Before you say no, please just try it. I mean really try. You will find the people there really care and do understand EXACTLY!

Take care,

Donna

suki44883

I cannot stress enough the importance of going to a detox center. I know there are several people here who did it on their own; however, in a detox center, they have medications and round the clock care to help you get through the withdrawals. You will also have others around you going through the same things and you will find yourself bonding with many of them since no one is judging you and you can talk about your experiences with drugs and they will completely understand.

Lily

Chelsea,

You have come to the right place! You can do this! Can you get to a detox or a meeting? You really need some support. I did get off norcos by myself, but what you are taking is a lot stronger.

Welcome! Sheila

bigredme

Chelsea, not for nothing starting out as the worst and ended up being the best month of my life. At day 28, I did not want to leave. go figure. Please seek some medical advice on your detox. detox can be a dangerous period and any help you can get would be good. don't be ashamed girl. you are sick, that's all. you have a disease. ask for help. you would if there was something else medically wrong with you, right? shame won't do you any good, love. let us know how you're doing please.
bigredme

kj0975

(((Chelsea)))<-----HUGS. I can understand where your coming from at first the pills seem like such a great escape. You get the euphoria where you feel good, energy, everything about the pills seems great. Then b4 you know it you need more and more to get that feeling, then you cant get outta bed without them, then they control your every move. They become your hell yet your heaven too. 2yrs ago I quit taking them for months I felt so good then slowly I started sneaking 1 here or there cause they made me feel good again. The next thing you know they controled my every move. I became a home body cause I couldnt leave the house unless I had pills in my pocket, I lost myself. Your lucky cause you realize your not who u were b4 the pills, I didnt realize it until I almost lost everything.

I did quit them again cold turkey and it was hell no sleep, the sweats, chills, the runs, it was like the flu. I was sick for about 7-10 days. Lots of hot baths, begay for the legs, support and the will to find myself again is what got me through. If your parents know are they willing to pay for you to go to detox? I'm sure they want their little girl back just as much as you want your old self back. Sounds like you have had enough and when u have had enough thats where you will find the strength to walk away and not a minute before.

I think meetings are a good idea where you can find support, friends, and people who know what your going through. If you dont want to go I understand I didnt want to go either. It will be one of the hardest things you will ever do in your life but you can do it. Reach down find the strength and the will. Hey you made it 24hrs just take it one day at a time. Rest when u can, hots baths will help, journaling, friends, family will help take your mind off how bad you feel. Excersise will help you too. It can be done and you can get off these pills once and for all. I promise you life gets better, it certainly did for me. You can PM me anytime u need to talk.

If you use dont be ashamed of it come here write your feelings out, we can help you.

Hope

Hi Chelsea, welcome to SR! Stick around. There is lots of experience here.

MagicMan08

ugh......why do people drop out their fricken senior year....granted i was a well suited mis-fit and threw some huge parties...but the throngs of alcoholism hadn't hit me yet either. But to **** away like 12 years of your life only to get a GED, I hope you don't find yourself applying for some circumstantial job where they go back and look at your hs transcripts and stuff. But they only do that for the big money jobs........but who dreams of making 6.50 their entire life....i sure as hell don't, but i also don't see myself succeeding if i continue to drink

Tazman53

Welcome to SR Chelsea, I am an alcoholic, so the best suggestion I can give you is detox and rehab. When I was in detox there were several folks there battling exactly what you are right now. In detox and rehab you will not only be gradually weaned off of what you are taking now, but they will be able to give you other meds to help you through withdrawals and education on what they do to you and how to stay off of them.

NA Narcotics Anonymous is a great place for support and also a great place to see what you can do to get off of them. The rooms of NA are full of people who have been right where you are at now and have found a way to stay clen and sober.

mle-sober

Hey Chelsea,

I'm glad you're here. It's a good place to start preparing yourself for true sobriety from your drugs. Reading about others' experiences might help you see that it is possible. And you can get a lot of support when you decide to become clean.

But here's the difficult thing that I think you're going to have to face. You say you know you're an addict and you want to get clean. But in the same breath, practically, you say you don't want to go to rehab. One of the things I think you will read here again and again is that we are *STRUGGLING* a lot of the time. We are your peers in addiction and none of us just upped and quit without pain and serious effort. Okay, maybe you are the extreme exception to the rule and you can quit a very serious addiction with loving support from your family and an online forum. But, going out on a limb here, I'd venture to say that from your story, you would find the most success from detox and rehab. And that doesn't mean it would be easy.

I guess what I'm saying is that if you really sincerely want to quit, it's going to involve some pain. And you may not be able to do it your way. You may have to ask for help.

I am rooting for you. And I hope what I said and how I said it wasn't too harsh. I want you to succeed with or without rehab. But just because you don't want rehab doesn't mean it's not the way to go. Partly, we get ourselves into this mess because we let ourselves do what we want not what we know to be right. And then we and our loved ones suffer the consequences.

MagicMan08

welcome...I don't even need to read...i too am sucking it up...there is a better life out there for us