...Back again and still haven't changed...Amy Winehouse, too...
 

I have been to AA meetings but....

still on it. Nothing has changed. What's wrong with me?

This is what happened to Amy Winehouse, my fav:

Wild Amy Winehouse could face arrest after 'attack on TWO men' while out on all-night bender | the Daily Mail

:sorry

Look at the pictures. A beautiful girl ruined...is that our future, too?

People have always said we look and act alike...I guess even now, too.

I snorted. I have to go to work in the morning...what a mess. =(

Is anybody out there?

Do you understand?

I dunno b2b. I'm not in AA. Did you just go to meetings or did you look at getting a sponsor?
But I'm glad to see you back and I hope maybe you stick around some more this time.

hugs
D

Hi Dee. IDK how you do sobriety but congrats. Thanks 4 the kind words. How have you been?

Went 2 meetings.

Didnt get sponsor.

Too shy.

I hope I'm OK for work tomorrow. I do labor, so will be exhausted but I'm wired from what I snorted. My BF doesn't know about these problems of addiction I have. My parents just know about the drinking. I am so ashamed.

I've been trying so hard but I always end up like this. If I have a bad day, I feel I need 2 take something. I can't stop myself.

I am wearing an anti-drug D.A.R.E bracelet to stop drugs and violence...what a hypocrite!! :sorry:

Is anyone out there???

I'm fine...just busy ya know :)

I think the things with the meetings is - they're not magic. You don't just show up and wham you're cured...takes getting some numbers to call, people to talk to...networking is the key I think...shy or not

D

sorry R...I'm busy here...:(

I'll get back when I can, 'k?

D

It's OK. I don't mean to seem desperate.

I'll be alright.

oh I just hate seeming rude LOL

D

You said you resemble Amy, how so?

K...Im sorry if the following comes off as rude. I dont intend it to sound that way.

Honey....Amy Winehouse is like a fictional character, to you...to me...to all of us. We get to see what the media shows us. That being said....what does her recovery or non-recovery have to do with you?
Is it just a place to put your focus so you dont have to look at you?

I will not vent on the Amy thing but I will on this statement!

It wasn't until I was in complete desperation, that my back was against the wall, I had ran out of all other options, before I could find a solution.

With that being said.....

We are taught that we have three options, once we reach that point of desperation.
1. Sober Up
2. Get locked Up
3. Or Covered UP

I only know that for me, and my experience.

On May 24, 2006 I was completely high on Crack!

I must have had over 1/4 of a ounce, or more, higher than you could imagine and yet all I could do is look around at my surroundings and I kept saying, "I don't want to be here anymore!" I don't want this kind of life for me.

I drove back home to Nebraska, went to a meeting on the 25 of May 2006.

I was stuck on this 5 days clean and back out since Valentines day of that same year as most of the people here know. They did what they could to reach out during that time! I came here and posted and posted and posted.

But something happened B2B

On May 31, 2006.....

I woke up clean :) that vicious 5 day cycle was broken. I never thought that I would ever get even another day clean.

So here I am almost two years later....

Still sober and clean...I am sure that there is a little luck to the whole thing.

I know that all I have to do this deal is Just For Today....

Is it easy?

Sometimes it is and other days just plain azzz suck

But I know that it is doable and I don't use no matter what!

Here lately some old not GF but using women have been coming over.

Here is my disease...stronger than ever.....wanting me to go get some crack and get laid. Sorry but this is how my disease works on me

But what I have learned is to Practice some self-control if there is such a thing and also to Practice that these women are ladies which when I think of it in those terms than I am not so much wrapped into what I can get but what I can give to them and that is respect.

I don't come here as often as I like to just because I have a lot of other things going on, but when I was new here I would make a attempt to stay as close as I could to here, to my homegroup, to people in the program, etc. I knew that I wasn't safe along. SO

You have to make the choice in what ya want to do. I had to make it but making the choice isn't a big deal. It is the action of that choice that isn't always pleasant. This deal is Doable but WE have to do it. OK Blessings to ya :)

BTW good to see ya also :bday8

Hi, i missed you. I just hope you can see the beautiful person you are on the inside and outside. Give yourself a chance. I've seen a glimpse of all the amazing things you can do. Don't forget you have yourself. That's where one can start....

I do hope you decide to find a healthy productive future.
Addictions kill...sometimes quickly ...sometime slowly.
Don't die from yours.

Blessings

Thanks for the replies.

I know I need to change.

When I talked about Amy Winehouse's recovery, it's not because I think it has anything to do with mine. I just have always felt that I have related with her struggle with drugs and alcohol in her music and therefore when she is going through such a difficult time, it makes me hope that I won't follow through in that path. I feel the same way when people I know get worse and worse with their habits. No matter who it is, or no matter how personally I know or don't know them, I feel badly about it and hope that they get better and that I won't get worse, too. I know we each have our own individual recoveries, it is just so sad for me to see someone who's music I have so heavily related to go down such a horrible path.

As for me, I worked today on 0 hours of sleep. I didn't get to bed at all last night...I was too wound up from what I took. I made it through the day, cleaning rooms 'till 5 PM and came home and slept 'till 8. I talked to my BF on the phone for 10 minutes...he's too busy to talk to me because of the playoffs and some stupid video game. It made me wanna' take that again but I didn't. I am reading 30 days to sobriety right now and am going to get a sponser.

I wanna clean this mess up.

good :)

hugs
D

Thanks. I haven't taken anything since that post. I am still reading the 30 days to Sobriety book.

That is so great! Just come here anytime you need support...we are here!