Anger
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Indiana
Posts: 5
Anger
I have been trying to be sober for quite a few months now (not succesfully yet), but I realize that when I am in a situation where other people are drinking I find myself getting extremely angry because I really want to drink too. I'm angry that I can't and that it affects and hurts my boyfriend (mainly why I'm trying to quit). I want to drink so badly, and I guess I just get so angry that I can't drink like everyone else can without it hurting a relationship or who knows what else. This anger often leads to me thinking that "I can just have a little bit and not get to drunk" or "I will be able to control myself this time and be like other people"... you get the idea. The feeling is usually so strong that I won't even want to talk to other people or do anything else because I will want to drink so badly. Did anybody else go through this?? I'm not normally a person to experience a lot of anger so this is weird for me. If you have gone through this, is there anything you can do to help it when this happens??
This seems like such an impossible quest sometimes...
This seems like such an impossible quest sometimes...
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Well...
I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink.
Soooo...For me....it made more sense to not go around drinkers.
I found many new friends in AA meetings
who share the same lifestyle I enjoy.
Blessings
I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink.
Soooo...For me....it made more sense to not go around drinkers.
I found many new friends in AA meetings
who share the same lifestyle I enjoy.
Blessings
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 176
i dunno but something struck me as very similar to my situation... u mention ur boyfriend ,saying he's the main reason ur trying to quit...
i had my boyfriend make me very aware over the past months how unhappy he was with my drinking to the point he even called me the "A' word...
my knee jurk reaction was to go cold turkey almost killing myself and failed staying sober for even a wk.
Now i don't hold a resentment toward him but anger surfaces coz of the same reasons u mention, why can't i drink without the damage it causes? leading to thinking if only i could control it this time... drink only one, etc,
i don't fully accept the nature of alcoholism... that it affects me differently to others. i think my anger comes from knowing whats best for me and those around me... but still wanting to control my drinking desipte it not working...
Think CarolD said it best... i wanted to be sober more than i wanted to drink.
for me 26days without a drink is the longest in over a decade. i wouldn't have made it this far without that desire (for myself, no one else) to be sober being greater than the desire that gets me drunk...
support from SR, my Dr, counsellor and AA has helped keep my desire for sobriety firmly in place for today.
An Alcoholic cannot moderate/control drinking, i've tried and failed... so total abstinence is my choice.
one day at a time
i had my boyfriend make me very aware over the past months how unhappy he was with my drinking to the point he even called me the "A' word...
my knee jurk reaction was to go cold turkey almost killing myself and failed staying sober for even a wk.
Now i don't hold a resentment toward him but anger surfaces coz of the same reasons u mention, why can't i drink without the damage it causes? leading to thinking if only i could control it this time... drink only one, etc,
i don't fully accept the nature of alcoholism... that it affects me differently to others. i think my anger comes from knowing whats best for me and those around me... but still wanting to control my drinking desipte it not working...
Think CarolD said it best... i wanted to be sober more than i wanted to drink.
for me 26days without a drink is the longest in over a decade. i wouldn't have made it this far without that desire (for myself, no one else) to be sober being greater than the desire that gets me drunk...
support from SR, my Dr, counsellor and AA has helped keep my desire for sobriety firmly in place for today.
An Alcoholic cannot moderate/control drinking, i've tried and failed... so total abstinence is my choice.
one day at a time
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
I never did my drinking around other people, always at home alone, so I can't really relate to your problem. I do agree with CarolD tho: that I didn't quit for real til I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. Good luck to you. As has been suggested, it might help you a lot in your early days of sobriety to not be around drinkers and places where people are drinking. All the best to you. Keep coming back!:ghug2
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: TX
Posts: 542
and I guess I just get so angry that I can't drink like everyone else
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
That happened to me when I was trying to stop drinking and thought I could continue my usual life. I went out to a neighborhood party and my resentment and anger, at everybody drinking, were just through the roof. I didn't drink that night but I did the next day.
So, I decided to stop being around people who were drinking, for a long time, and it worked.
So, I decided to stop being around people who were drinking, for a long time, and it worked.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
In early sobriety we need to stay away if at all possible from people who are drinking. One of the things I love about AA is it is a group of sober alcoholics who know exactly how it feels to be POed in early sobriety about coming to the realization that we are alcoholics and can not drink safely. AA helps a lot because we know we are not alone, there are tons of folks like us.
There is an old saying in AA:
Think about it, could a crack head stay clean selling crack?
There is an old saying in AA:
If you hang around a baebershop long enough you are going to get a haircut!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 486
Welcome to SR.
"This time it will be different" kills an alcoholic every time. I agree with Taz, in early sobriety you should avoid situation where everyone will be drinking. If you keep going to parties and bars then you are just asking for trouble.
Think about what your willing to do to get sober and read up on the issue. If you read the AA big book (1st 164 pages) you will notice some similarities to what you originally posted.
Lastly, you do not need to try this on your own and you will be more successful if you don't do this on your own.
Thanks for posting and remember to take things a day at a time, try staying sober today!
"This time it will be different" kills an alcoholic every time. I agree with Taz, in early sobriety you should avoid situation where everyone will be drinking. If you keep going to parties and bars then you are just asking for trouble.
Think about what your willing to do to get sober and read up on the issue. If you read the AA big book (1st 164 pages) you will notice some similarities to what you originally posted.
Lastly, you do not need to try this on your own and you will be more successful if you don't do this on your own.
Thanks for posting and remember to take things a day at a time, try staying sober today!
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
I dealt with this the same way I dealt with nearly losing an arm and a leg in an accident and then not being sure I was ever going to be able to walk again. I was angry at what I felt had been taken from me, how I was feeling life had somehow cheated me out of being "normal", I had a serious case of the "why me's" going on for a while, I could not return to a career I had for over 15 years at the time. What I finally came to realize was that I had to face my situation and I could either view it as a handicap and focus on my loses and continue my resentment, anger, and self-pity or move on and find the good in the situation. For me that acceptance helped me to have the courage to walk again, today without a limp unless I am extrememly tired although my right leg is an inch shorter than my left as a result of the damage. It also gave me the courage to explore other options in life. I was able to return to school to pursue the career I have always dreamed of. I have been able to do things I never dreamed possible.
As stupid as it sounds changing our perspective from the view of the glass is half empty to the glass is half full really does make a difference. When I viewed myself as handicapped I handicapped myself. I subconscously put up roadblocks that hindered my finding the good in life. By the way this accident happened at 6 months of sobriety for me. I now have 7 years. There are times I have to remind myself that perception is a large part of my reality; in other words when I view the world with my mind on what I have lost or its not fair then life isn't fair and I tend to lose more. But when I change my perspective to one of gratitude for what I have and focus on the abundance of life I find my life is fuller and more productive and abundant.
A great book to read for any alcoholic is "A New Pair Of Glasses" by Chuck C. It really helped me with the subject of perspectives. Hang in there this will pass you do have to give it time though. Try changing your perspective to view what you are gaining in sobriety instead of what you feel you are losing. Good luck.
As stupid as it sounds changing our perspective from the view of the glass is half empty to the glass is half full really does make a difference. When I viewed myself as handicapped I handicapped myself. I subconscously put up roadblocks that hindered my finding the good in life. By the way this accident happened at 6 months of sobriety for me. I now have 7 years. There are times I have to remind myself that perception is a large part of my reality; in other words when I view the world with my mind on what I have lost or its not fair then life isn't fair and I tend to lose more. But when I change my perspective to one of gratitude for what I have and focus on the abundance of life I find my life is fuller and more productive and abundant.
A great book to read for any alcoholic is "A New Pair Of Glasses" by Chuck C. It really helped me with the subject of perspectives. Hang in there this will pass you do have to give it time though. Try changing your perspective to view what you are gaining in sobriety instead of what you feel you are losing. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by CarolD 
Well...
I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink.
Soooo...For me....it made more sense to not go around drinkers.
I found many new friends in AA meetings
who share the same lifestyle I enjoy.
Blessings
I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink.
Soooo...For me....it made more sense to not go around drinkers.
I found many new friends in AA meetings
who share the same lifestyle I enjoy.
Blessings
My AA friends have been the best to hang with! We are having a big campfire meeting this June, and I can't wait. Last year we had people from several AA groups, and it was great fun, great food, and great fellowship!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 521
Alcoholism....cunning, baffling and powerful.
The disease of alcoholism will speak to you...it will illicit feelings that will try to lead you down the wrong path. It will natter in your ear that "just one wont hurt.....this time, Ill control it....Ill get a handle on myself and be like others"
It will tell you that you need to feel bad for NOT drinking. It will tell you that you are forcing others to make changes because you are trying to live alcohol free. It will dredge up feelings of stupidity, worthlessness and anger.
It will trick you if you let it.
That being said, can I ask you what makes you believe you are strong enough to be around alcohol and watching others consume it....yet not have that affect you?
The disease of alcoholism will speak to you...it will illicit feelings that will try to lead you down the wrong path. It will natter in your ear that "just one wont hurt.....this time, Ill control it....Ill get a handle on myself and be like others"
It will tell you that you need to feel bad for NOT drinking. It will tell you that you are forcing others to make changes because you are trying to live alcohol free. It will dredge up feelings of stupidity, worthlessness and anger.
It will trick you if you let it.
That being said, can I ask you what makes you believe you are strong enough to be around alcohol and watching others consume it....yet not have that affect you?
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
SilentTruth,
Everyone has basically told you 2 things that I absolutely agree with:
1) You need to get sober for yourself, not your boyfriend
2) It might be easier at least at first to not be around others who are drinking.
To that, I would add, sobriety is not just the act of not drinking. Actually, Anna has frequently wrote about this, and I learned this from her. If you think that you are going to find lasting sobriety by just trying not to drink, you are most likely mistaken. Lasting sobriety happens when you make a serious investment in rearranging your life so that you do not live the life of a drunk, but rather, you live the life of the person you are deep inside, sober. Anna doesn't put it quite that way but I think that's what she has meant (Anna?)
I think you can do this - I know you can do this, actually. Because many others do. Hang in there. And keep working on it.
Everyone has basically told you 2 things that I absolutely agree with:
1) You need to get sober for yourself, not your boyfriend
2) It might be easier at least at first to not be around others who are drinking.
To that, I would add, sobriety is not just the act of not drinking. Actually, Anna has frequently wrote about this, and I learned this from her. If you think that you are going to find lasting sobriety by just trying not to drink, you are most likely mistaken. Lasting sobriety happens when you make a serious investment in rearranging your life so that you do not live the life of a drunk, but rather, you live the life of the person you are deep inside, sober. Anna doesn't put it quite that way but I think that's what she has meant (Anna?)
I think you can do this - I know you can do this, actually. Because many others do. Hang in there. And keep working on it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Indiana
Posts: 5
Wow, thanks for all the response!! I'll try to answer some of the questions...
I am still in college and it's pretty much inevitable that people around me are going to be drinking. I've found that it's really hard to stay away from it while here unfortunately. This seems to be my downfall... I'll hear other people say they're going out to drink and "have fun", and then it's like something clicks in my brain and going out to drink with them is all I can think about. So I agree that being away from people who drink would definitely help me, but it's really hard to find that in college.
I know that I need to quit for myself rather than my boyfriend, but I am having such a hard time with all these "thoughts". I never realized how much control this has had on me until I tried quitting. Whenever I see or hear of stories of alcohol I actually get jealous and wish that I could have been drinking too. It seems like once the idea of drinking is in my mind there is NOTHING that I can do... I am convinced it's ok, that it won't be a big deal, even when 5 minutes before my boyfriend was telling me that it's tearing him apart!! I just don't understand these thoughts, and I feel so powerless to them. I don't know how to NOT want to drink... something inside me is still screaming that I need to go drink, while it seems the other part of me is dying inside. I think I am going to go to my first AA meeting tomorrow, which is the scariest thing ever to me. I don't know for sure that I'm an alcoholic since I don't drink everyday, but if I don't do something, this is going to ruin a lot of my relationships...
I'm so scared...
I am still in college and it's pretty much inevitable that people around me are going to be drinking. I've found that it's really hard to stay away from it while here unfortunately. This seems to be my downfall... I'll hear other people say they're going out to drink and "have fun", and then it's like something clicks in my brain and going out to drink with them is all I can think about. So I agree that being away from people who drink would definitely help me, but it's really hard to find that in college.
I know that I need to quit for myself rather than my boyfriend, but I am having such a hard time with all these "thoughts". I never realized how much control this has had on me until I tried quitting. Whenever I see or hear of stories of alcohol I actually get jealous and wish that I could have been drinking too. It seems like once the idea of drinking is in my mind there is NOTHING that I can do... I am convinced it's ok, that it won't be a big deal, even when 5 minutes before my boyfriend was telling me that it's tearing him apart!! I just don't understand these thoughts, and I feel so powerless to them. I don't know how to NOT want to drink... something inside me is still screaming that I need to go drink, while it seems the other part of me is dying inside. I think I am going to go to my first AA meeting tomorrow, which is the scariest thing ever to me. I don't know for sure that I'm an alcoholic since I don't drink everyday, but if I don't do something, this is going to ruin a lot of my relationships...
I'm so scared...
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