Anna

I think the fear will lessen as you open yourself up to recovery. Recovery is so much more than stopping drinking, and as you make changes in your life, your confidence will grow. I had isolated myself a lot during my drinking and I had very few friends left and had given up all activities I had been involved in. As I slowly began to move forward and get involved in new things, my belief in myself and that I could live a sober life, increased a lot.

Paulsa

thank you 51anna.....l pray and hope it all turns out positively despite some upcoming stressful events that are on the agenda...ie: my home is being auctioned off on may 13th. l don't want to sell but am forced to. prior to my separation, l took out equity on the home to fund my husband's business with the promise it would be paid back as soon as profits were made. he left, moved in with the girlfriend, promised to put some money towards the loan....as things would have it, they got into financial strife and the loan remained unpaid for. the bank was/is hassling me because my name is on the title. l'd be lucky to be left with anything after this. l have to look for rental property, stressing about that and moving.

sheesh...l hope l hold it altogether....l pray that l do.

Anna

That's tough, Paulsa.

I hope you can find a new place to live that is just right for you.

I wish you well.

warrens

Pauls

Welcome!

Your honesty is admirable and a necessary first step. Nothing that we haven't heard or seen before-first hand.

"The man takes a drink, then the drink takes another drink, then the drink takes the man."

And believe me, when you are lovable, you will be loved.

All things I have found out through experience.

You sound very sincere and honest with yourself. A prerequisite for facing the issue of addiction. You have come to a great place to discover what it takes. In safety. We share our successes as well as our falls. It is all part of the process of becoming whole again.

Hope to see you here often!

warren

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

HI Paulsa,

I"m sorry that I missed your original post. I'm glad that you are here.

Not to beat ya over the head..but life got better for me when I started a recovery program. I'm an AA'r. I've had some ups and downs, quite similar to your own! But, I"ve gotten through them. Having a recovery program really helps me. (understatement of the year).

I urge you to check out the stickies on different recovery programs and give it some thought.

Hang in there!!

Karen

Paulsa

hey. l screwed up...once on sunday and then again 2 days ago. l feel guilty, lonely but still have hope. l have rung some services and await for their calls.

people are urging me to go to rehab...it scares me because l know l binge for a few days every few weeks and then suffer the consequences.

what do l do?? l am on anti-d's and anti- anxieties when the going gets tough only.

to top it off...the abuse l get from my ex brings me way down.

please give me your thoughts.

least

I've screwed up more times than I can remember, but what I was told (by people here) is what's important is that you try again, start over. I finally got past 11 days and now I have 32. And if I can do it, anyone can.

Do whatever you believe necessary to quit. A program of recovery is more than just not drinking, it helps to reorganize your thinking. You can do it. We're over 40,000 people all over the world who will help you do it.:ghug2

Paulsa

Least...tell me about your program of recovery

barb dwyer

Hi Paulsa -
I apologize for being late in welcoming you! But - well, welcome!

WHat *I* get from reading your posts is ... you've been trying to change all this alone. And apparently you've been alone in a nowhere marriage LONG before you actually divorced.

You've been alone for a good while, girl.

I was 43 before I started drinking like the alcoholic I am.
I am also a 'four tour veteran' of marriage ...
and was alone in all but one of those as well.
I know what that is.

While there *are* other programs -

The Program ofd Alcoholics Anonymous , no matter ewhere in the world you are -
is available. It's close. It's in the front of the phone book - and the price is right.

it's free.

It is also the most informative, supportive, knowledgeable group of individuals you are going to find for a place tgo get sober.
YOu don't have to 'sign up'.
You don'thave to 'buy the jacket'.
Don't have to learn the 'secret handshake'
And you can seek out other programs ...
while attending meeting until you find something else
if that's your thing.
the only hand shakes ...
are possibly from the detox
(I know mine did for about a week)
and later of friendship.

The only thing you lose - right off the bat -
is the lonlieness.

Rusty Zipper

Paulsa welcome to the family!

you never have to drink again!

good wishes P

rz

supernothing

welcome to this wonderful and safe place
I am also in early sobriety, and also a mum, your story sounds so familiar to me and probably so many others here.
I was terrible with *triggers* toward the end of my drinking, as the disease progressed, the more trivial i allowed those tiggers to be
I too would resolve not to drink , then the most minor matter would occur and id be staring down the end of another empty bottle again....
Keep coming back here and reaching out for support.
You dont have to be alone with this thing, we are all here vouching for you and supporting you.
All my thoughts and prayers are with you