How do I stop the countdown to self-destruct?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Brixton
Posts: 250
How do I stop the countdown to self-destruct?
Hi,
Well, got to 14 days sober yesterday, went to a meeting last night and fought off the cravings.
Today I have a different problem. It's not longings and cravings, exactly. It's much deeper and perhaps more dangerous - those old negative feelings that make me want to drink as a form of self-destruct.
Anyone know any strategies for dealing with those sorts of days when you just don't seem to give a monkey's whether you self-destruct or not? I'm sure this has been explored before in other threads - any pointers in the right direction much appreciated.
Sorry if I talk too much.
PB
Well, got to 14 days sober yesterday, went to a meeting last night and fought off the cravings.
Today I have a different problem. It's not longings and cravings, exactly. It's much deeper and perhaps more dangerous - those old negative feelings that make me want to drink as a form of self-destruct.
Anyone know any strategies for dealing with those sorts of days when you just don't seem to give a monkey's whether you self-destruct or not? I'm sure this has been explored before in other threads - any pointers in the right direction much appreciated.
Sorry if I talk too much.
PB
...and 
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
Hey paddington-
One thing that might also help is to know these negative feelings are not facts. Helping another who wants help is a great way of showing to yourself that feelings are not facts.
If I say to myself that I feel terrible well my body may feel this but I am not my body I am at the core of my being am not terrible. I can take care of my body to help it heal so that it no longer feels terrible.
If I say to myself I am terrible I can replace that thought with something like: no, I am a child of god doing the best that I know how to right now. Some times we confuse thoughts with feelings. It helps to learn techniques to stop the chatter in the mind.
The fact that you have quit drinking shows that you want to be better. Remind yourself that you are going thru a process peeling away layers and some layers cause more pain than others. Take good care!
One thing that might also help is to know these negative feelings are not facts. Helping another who wants help is a great way of showing to yourself that feelings are not facts.
If I say to myself that I feel terrible well my body may feel this but I am not my body I am at the core of my being am not terrible. I can take care of my body to help it heal so that it no longer feels terrible.
If I say to myself I am terrible I can replace that thought with something like: no, I am a child of god doing the best that I know how to right now. Some times we confuse thoughts with feelings. It helps to learn techniques to stop the chatter in the mind.
The fact that you have quit drinking shows that you want to be better. Remind yourself that you are going thru a process peeling away layers and some layers cause more pain than others. Take good care!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Hey PB, I know exactly what you mean. For me, drinking was the way I could kill myself slowly without listing 'suicide' as the cause of death. I'm working on that problem... every single day.:praying
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
I learned these the very first days of my FIRST trip into AA 7 years ago: wrote it on the inside cover of my BB ....
Trust God
Clean House
Be of Service ...
the top three.
another one - from "someplace else" says :
Get Busy
Do Something For Somebody Else
Grow Up.
just a SMIDGE harsh - but sometimes -
it takes a kick in the pants to get us moving, ya know?
Trust God
Clean House
Be of Service ...
the top three.
another one - from "someplace else" says :
Get Busy
Do Something For Somebody Else
Grow Up.
just a SMIDGE harsh - but sometimes -
it takes a kick in the pants to get us moving, ya know?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
RZ, great advice!
PB, someone in another thread (regarding panic attacks) said knowledge is power. So true.
Fear is the greatest enemy. But if we expect that there will be days like this, that it is a normal part of the process, we can rather shrug our shoulders.
The bad, depressive days get fewer and fewer. But they still occur. No one is surprised at grief over death of a loved one. It is a horrible, horrible feeling. No one is surprised at anxiety over an upcoming exam. It to , is horrible, but the reason most people deal with it is because they accept it as a rational reaction to a real situation. They know it will subside.
So too with gnarly moods in recovery. Very natural, predictable, and justified. Recovery is a bio-psycho-spiritual upheaval. Surprise! Not.
This too shal pass. Try, as RZ said to make something good of it.
warren
PB, someone in another thread (regarding panic attacks) said knowledge is power. So true.
Fear is the greatest enemy. But if we expect that there will be days like this, that it is a normal part of the process, we can rather shrug our shoulders.
The bad, depressive days get fewer and fewer. But they still occur. No one is surprised at grief over death of a loved one. It is a horrible, horrible feeling. No one is surprised at anxiety over an upcoming exam. It to , is horrible, but the reason most people deal with it is because they accept it as a rational reaction to a real situation. They know it will subside.
So too with gnarly moods in recovery. Very natural, predictable, and justified. Recovery is a bio-psycho-spiritual upheaval. Surprise! Not.
This too shal pass. Try, as RZ said to make something good of it.
warren
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
PB my sponsor told me and I have found it to be true, the best way to deal with fear is FAITH!!!!
Scared you are going to self destruct, have FAITH that if you do not drink you will feel better!
I used to have a fear of drinking again, but I crushed that fear by having FAITH that if I continue to live the steps to the best of my ability on a daily basis, I will not drink again.
I assume you have phone numbers, why not call someone?
Scared you are going to self destruct, have FAITH that if you do not drink you will feel better!
I used to have a fear of drinking again, but I crushed that fear by having FAITH that if I continue to live the steps to the best of my ability on a daily basis, I will not drink again.
I assume you have phone numbers, why not call someone?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Htown, baby!
Posts: 384
I have a problem with this too. I don't know if my addictive voice wants me to feel sorry for myself so I have a reason to use or if I naturally have self-defeating thoughts unrelated to alcohol and drugs???
-Eroica
-Eroica
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Eroica, I know for a fact that I've had self destructive tendencies way before I started drinking. The drinking seemed to dull those feelings, but it was only drowning them all, I had no feelings. Now that I'm sober I'm terrified of how intensely I "feel" everything. With no alcohol 'buffer'...
One of the greatest things about this forum is that I've seen that many many people have the same problems and feelings as I do, I am no longer alone. That doesn't solve my problems, but helps me live thru them - with love and support.:ghug3
THank you all for your comforting presence.
One of the greatest things about this forum is that I've seen that many many people have the same problems and feelings as I do, I am no longer alone. That doesn't solve my problems, but helps me live thru them - with love and support.:ghug3
THank you all for your comforting presence.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 2,216
Hey PB!
I agree with all the other posters about fear and negative feelings. For me, meditation has been a big help (thanks to my therapist). I try to reach down deep inside myself, to where I can feel my core of goodness. Like Splendra, from that vantage point, I can see that my feelings/anxieties/negative thoughts are just that...fleeting things that really have nothing to do with my "core". Kind of like being in the eye of a hurricane. When I can distance myself from the negative and just feel the essential positive within me, it gives me strength to dismiss them as just temporary.
I agree with all the other posters about fear and negative feelings. For me, meditation has been a big help (thanks to my therapist). I try to reach down deep inside myself, to where I can feel my core of goodness. Like Splendra, from that vantage point, I can see that my feelings/anxieties/negative thoughts are just that...fleeting things that really have nothing to do with my "core". Kind of like being in the eye of a hurricane. When I can distance myself from the negative and just feel the essential positive within me, it gives me strength to dismiss them as just temporary.
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