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FreeSpirit
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Inside My Spirit
Posts: 1,274
Don't be sorry for writing a long post, Listen Dear It's a star for Now you know him Opening up to so many secrets, they say in the rooms of A/A and N/A that and Addict Its sick, as his secrets are, we are sick individuals,More when are secrets and this disease Keep us Hostage thats why I said to you on my thread that to trust the heavens he need it to hit rock Bottom in order for him to come clean sometimes we could run for years or months but Honey when the time comes to a rude awakening the Pandora Box will open and It should Be Reveal,Feel what you need to feel ,talk about your Feelings, hes guilt, and shame, was what made him run more, and drink more, to supposedly make it go away It's like a child when they spill the milk they will clean it so fast, and scare to be cough that they try to hide the evidence,but there Guilt will always them away, or they wont clean it right,Once I read in this Book of Dr. Chopra that We are Adults, wearing Adult cloths, in a child like mind,Now that the Pieces are starting to fall into places, the Question is What about you I know this must Be very Hard on you you need time to Organize your thinking, and If you cant Its O.k but Honey sooner or Later we Got to face those Demons in our Closet, so I'll be :praying for you and your Husband&your Little Girl God Bless you. 
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Becky I am an alcoholic who used to cheat on his wife and every women I was messing with for a lot of years, it sure sounds to me like he wants to keep you on the line just in case that gal he his going to Fla. to hook up with dumps him!
Look I could be wrong, but that is how I operated, I always kept several ladies on the line with all kinds of lies to where when one get tired of my crap and dumped me I simply reeled in the next one I had kept hooked and then started to look for another gal to keep on the side.
Ask your self one question after you reread several times the emails and pics he sent to that gal in Fla.
Why is he going to Fla. if he loves me?
Look with your brain and not your heart and you will see why he is really going to Fla. while he is claiming to still love you.
Becky he is simply going to keep you on the line just in case that gal dumps him, when I was drinking I did it all the time. BTW I read the entire BB while I was drinking and cheating!
Look I could be wrong, but that is how I operated, I always kept several ladies on the line with all kinds of lies to where when one get tired of my crap and dumped me I simply reeled in the next one I had kept hooked and then started to look for another gal to keep on the side.
Ask your self one question after you reread several times the emails and pics he sent to that gal in Fla.
Why is he going to Fla. if he loves me?
Look with your brain and not your heart and you will see why he is really going to Fla. while he is claiming to still love you.
Becky he is simply going to keep you on the line just in case that gal dumps him, when I was drinking I did it all the time. BTW I read the entire BB while I was drinking and cheating!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Virginia
Posts: 66
He tells me there's a halfway house in FL (LJ's???) He read me a couple of letters written to him by people in rehab. One of them being from the girl he's emailing. He said that he started liking a girl in rehab but instead of doing anything, he prayed so he wouldn't. I don't believe him. I stopped believing him a while ago. The more I hear from him, the more he disgusts me. I DO NOT want him back but I haven't told him that yet. I can't tell him I love him either because the truth is, I don't think I do anymore. I don't even know him sober. As far as everything he's done, said & the way he's treated me.... He told me, "That's not me."
Becky
Becky
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Virginia
Posts: 66
This was his last email to the girl from rehab...
(I don't know what the between & the #'s mean. Is that something recovery related?)
I am leaving new orleans and goign to lj's ASAP. I want to confess. I couldn't do it out here. I am sorry. I got drunk and was in a high speed chase last night. i am out now and i need to get out of here and get around a group of fellow nonusers. i screwed up.
I miss you to Val. Anyway, ireally cvare about you and i will see you as soon as i can. To get everything, you have to give up everything. you are in my prayers.
yours,
between 0000-00-00 and 9999-99-99
(I don't know what the between & the #'s mean. Is that something recovery related?)
I am leaving new orleans and goign to lj's ASAP. I want to confess. I couldn't do it out here. I am sorry. I got drunk and was in a high speed chase last night. i am out now and i need to get out of here and get around a group of fellow nonusers. i screwed up.
I miss you to Val. Anyway, ireally cvare about you and i will see you as soon as i can. To get everything, you have to give up everything. you are in my prayers.
yours,
between 0000-00-00 and 9999-99-99
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Becky that sure sounds like a rehab romance, far from being uncommon, it happens a lot, folks trying to get off of a sinking ship tend to grab for the nearest life preserver available.
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Becky,
Hi and welcome to SR. Glad you're here. I just logged on and the first thing I did was read your story here. I'm really sorry you're suffering. It sounds awful.
My first thought is for your children - even though your husband is acting so absolutely terrible right now, hopefully, your children are still allowed to see the good parts of him and to see him when that is reasonable. I know that's probably hard.
My second thought is that I just wonder if your husband has ever been evaluated for mental illness? You mentioned PTSD but I wonder where that diagnosis came from? I'm an alcoholic and bipolar and my alcoholism masked my bipolar for a decade. I really needed to get a strong grip on the bipolar before I could address the alcoholism. The scen that you described of him throwing his pants out the window sounds typical of a manic type reaction to alcohol. Obviously, I can't say I know one way or the other and would nver presume to say. But since it struck a nerve with me, I thought I'd mention it.
My third thought is that it might be helpful for you to work with a therapist (in addition to AlAnon) to help you get real clear with your boundaries before he comes anywhere near you physically again. Others have said it and I'll second it. This man is every very troubled and sick. He doesn't need you telling him how terrible he is - that doesn't help him get any better. But he's coming at you with a whole lot of crap that belongs solely and exclusively to him - not to you. And you need to find a way to protect yourself. Having firm and clear boundaries inside yourself will help that.
And lastly, I am again so sorry you and your children are suffering like this. I'm sure you don't deserve it and I'm sure it will be hard for a long time. He is sick and you can't help him. He can get help for himself but he may chose not to. And if that happens, you need to find a way to be okay and not be bitter but to let him be the father of your children if he can do so in a healthy way.
I am rooting for you. I sincerely hope I haven't said anything here that makes you upset. I'm so on your side.
Hi and welcome to SR. Glad you're here. I just logged on and the first thing I did was read your story here. I'm really sorry you're suffering. It sounds awful.
My first thought is for your children - even though your husband is acting so absolutely terrible right now, hopefully, your children are still allowed to see the good parts of him and to see him when that is reasonable. I know that's probably hard.
My second thought is that I just wonder if your husband has ever been evaluated for mental illness? You mentioned PTSD but I wonder where that diagnosis came from? I'm an alcoholic and bipolar and my alcoholism masked my bipolar for a decade. I really needed to get a strong grip on the bipolar before I could address the alcoholism. The scen that you described of him throwing his pants out the window sounds typical of a manic type reaction to alcohol. Obviously, I can't say I know one way or the other and would nver presume to say. But since it struck a nerve with me, I thought I'd mention it.
My third thought is that it might be helpful for you to work with a therapist (in addition to AlAnon) to help you get real clear with your boundaries before he comes anywhere near you physically again. Others have said it and I'll second it. This man is every very troubled and sick. He doesn't need you telling him how terrible he is - that doesn't help him get any better. But he's coming at you with a whole lot of crap that belongs solely and exclusively to him - not to you. And you need to find a way to protect yourself. Having firm and clear boundaries inside yourself will help that.
And lastly, I am again so sorry you and your children are suffering like this. I'm sure you don't deserve it and I'm sure it will be hard for a long time. He is sick and you can't help him. He can get help for himself but he may chose not to. And if that happens, you need to find a way to be okay and not be bitter but to let him be the father of your children if he can do so in a healthy way.
I am rooting for you. I sincerely hope I haven't said anything here that makes you upset. I'm so on your side.
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