steve1234

Can you all provide any insight/advice for a scary situation involving my father-in-law and an alcohol abuse crisis?

He's in his seventies. He does not live with us, but he does live in the same town. I knew that he was having problems with alcohol, the word "alcoholic" came to mind, but after yesterday's wake up call it's dramatically evident. Being both a non-confrontational, live and let live sort of guy, and not seeing him more than once a week or so, plus the fact that he wasn't really obvious about his drinking--well, lets just say I shouldn't have needed so stark a wake up call.

Two days ago, he had a sudden bout of really bad pain in the middle of the night and went to the emergency room. It turned out to be his gall bladder--the doctors are going to remove it today. The thing is, when he was admitted to the ER, he suddenly lost any access to alcohol.

It didn't take long to notice his hands shaking, sort of like a modest case of Parkinson's, and my first thought was that it was a product of age, pain, and stress. By last night, he had made attempts to walk out of the hospital, he was confused, sometimes he didn't know where he was. It was as though he suddenly became senile.

Remarkably, his liver is still intact (so far), and the medicos still feel his gall bladder should come out and have deemed it safe to proceed with the surgery today. The nurse seems to think that today will be his worst day with the alcohol withdrawal, and fortunately he will be sedated for the surgery, but he might need additional sedation or restraint later. This might seem terrible, but I actually hope there are complications from the surgery just bad enough to keep him in the hospital a few extra days to give an opportunity to dry him up.

I understand that ultimately, HE has to seek recovery, but this also looks like it will have to be a crisis and a wake up call for him, and I would like to do everything possible to increase the odds that he will seek recovery.

So, in the hear and now, while he's still in the hospital--what is the best way for us around him to increase his chances? I assume this will involve confronting him very directly about his alcohol abuse? I assume it involves scaring the tar out of him with the reality of what the alcohol abuse is doing and will do to him (as though that shouldn't be hitting home with him already)? Is it more effective done as a group or if, say, I were to have a separate talk with him from my wife? What about the timing of the confrontation--after the withdrawal symptoms have waned? Or sooner? Am I even on the right track?

Is it legal and/or advisable to discard/pour out his booze before he returns to his house? For that matter, what legal rights (or lack thereof) would my wife have for any sort of intervention? Anything else I need to be aware about a situation like this?

I very much appreciate any insight you might provide--I don't have any experience with this sort of thing.

Rusty Zipper

1234, welcome...

dont see any laws on having interventions!

and never herd of anyone being hauled off to the slammer for dumping out booze...

FIL might be real PO'd tho

as you know, recovery from alcoholism is a inside job...

good wishes for FIL

rz

Anna

I'm sorry you are in this situation.

Keep in mind that you cannot decide for your father-in-law, that he is going to stop drinking. That is something he needs to do himself.

For you and your wife, you might check out Alanon to take care of yourselves. There is also a forum for Friends and Families of Alcoholics on this board.

MagicMan08

Best of luck on your journey....because it can be long. Like the others said, check out the friends and family.

1963comet

I think the best thing you can do is talk with him about his drinking. Ask him he if wants help. He really needs to make the choice.

I have seen people pour booze down the drain. But if they want to drink they will buy more.

let us know how it goes.

GlassPrisoner

I used to keep a "sacrafice bottle" around. The one my Ex wife would find, and pour out. After doing that, she'd stop looking for my stash, and I'd pull out the other bottle I'd hidden and drink away !

Tazman53

Steve I am not a beleiver in interventions, an alcoholic quits drinking when they are ready to quit drinking and not when family and friends want them to quit. There is nothing in the world wrong with seeing if he is open to talking about his drinking if he wants to, but if he has drank as long as he has you all saying he needs to stop followed by him saying "Yea maybe I do." is not going to cut the mustard.

Now if you guys sit down with him and he really does want to quit ask him if he would like to go to a rehab for a while or if he wants to talk to someone from AA.

I wish you all the luck in the world, but just to prepare you, he is not going to stop drinking until he is good and ready, he may tell you all he is going to quit because you all are ganging up on him, but he is an adult and if he does not want to quit he is going to drink whether you all pour his booze out or not.

steve1234

Thank you for your kind responses.

I know that you are right when you tell me the choice has to come from him. My wife agrees with the general consensus that he'd just buy another bottle if I poured it down the drain and he wanted to keep drinking (if there was a possibility it could help, I wouldn't have a problem with him being ticked off at me). Of course she's still going to talk to him, tell him it will kill him if he keeps it up. I also have no doubt it will shorten his remaining time if he does not become sober--he's even diabetic. I will try to be no less compelling when he and I talk.

I'm merely an in-law: I never grew up around alcohol dependency or had major exposure to it, and still this is heart-wrenching and I see that it is SO dysfunctional. I really feel for my wife.

I know that a great number never go down the road to sobriety, but some do. I only hope that he can see his way into the latter group. It has to come from him, but at least I will speak my mind.

He's out of the surgery now, BTW, it went OK, and he seems a little more on top of things now than before he went in (at least based on my brief visit). Thanks to all.

madblack

Boy , sounds tough , food for thought , as people age their resistance to the effects of alchohol (and its withdrawal) are greatly reduced , your father in law may well be a raging alcholic , but he also may be a habitual drinker , IE used to having 3 or so drinks in the evening and thats it , even this moderate form of drinking can cause dramatic DT's in the elderley if its a routine they never deviate from , and sudden is withdrawn . I may have missed somthing in the previous posts , but just a thought , good luck madblack

BUTTERFLY-7

I'll be:praying for your Father in-Law,and the Hall family, including you Steven1234,It's true Do what 51Anna said this got to come out of Him hes going to want this more than anything,We could Walk the Horse to Drink Water but we Can't Force the Horse to Drinking It,No offense It's a Old Saying.

Tazman53

Steve glad to hear he came through surgery okay, let us know how talking to him goes, this may be the wake up call he needed.