I am full of anger
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: canada
Posts: 23
I am full of anger
I am becoming more aware of how much anger I have now that I am not using drugs and alchol. When I quit drinking in the past I would smoke a joint to mellow me out. After a while there was no amount of pot that could mellow me out so I would start drinking again. That would work for awhile . I thought I was drinking the anger away but I in actuality I was adding to my anger. OK so I am angry really angry but I am clean and sober and no matter how much I dislike this angry me i am going to stay clean and sober.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
bandit,
Anger is a tough emotion, especially if we were taught as youngsters that anger is not "OK".
With sobriety comes feeling, and when we aren't used to feeling, any emotion can be difficult, even happiness.
It is OK to be angry.
Congratulations on your sober time. Keep posting.
Anger is a tough emotion, especially if we were taught as youngsters that anger is not "OK".
With sobriety comes feeling, and when we aren't used to feeling, any emotion can be difficult, even happiness.
It is OK to be angry.
Congratulations on your sober time. Keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: on the moon
Posts: 944
Originally Posted by Toomutch 
It is OK to be angry.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
When I say "it's OK to be angry". I mean it is OK to be angry right now. I am not suggesting that anyone live there life in anger. I am simply suggesting that anger as an emotion is "OK".
We need to feel our emotions not sweep them under the rug.
Obviously if the anger became constant, than other measures would need to be taken.
We need to feel our emotions not sweep them under the rug.
Obviously if the anger became constant, than other measures would need to be taken.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
when I got sober, I was told I was very angry. I didn't believe it, but now I know it is true. I know I need to stay close to a support system when I feel angry, because I had a real pattern of drinking at people. When I first went to meetings (yes, drunk) someone said resentment is like drinking poisin and hoping the other person will die! I could relate that to my excuses of drinking out of anger.
Stay close to your support system and your HP if you have one.
Stay close to your support system and your HP if you have one.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
Bandit
Sorry to hear of your "baggage." It is strange how recoveries differ. Mine has been the opposite-the gradual "letting go" of anger. The more it leaves, the more I realize that I am saying goodbye to a part of MYSELF. I thought I was angry at others, deserved to be. Hah! It was displaced anger at a narcissist-ME.
I don't offer my experience as a prescription for you. Your anger may well be justified. We are all the same and we are all different. Sobriety is no cure-all. But I think that sanity reveals what is real and what is not. I have a lot to work on, but my sense of what that is is far different than a few months ago.
I still retain some anger and some grief. That I "failed" at being "normal. That I can't enjoy a glass of wine or a beer. But, like a legless man, I accept it. Can't change it. I am powerless. Surrender happens...
warren
Sorry to hear of your "baggage." It is strange how recoveries differ. Mine has been the opposite-the gradual "letting go" of anger. The more it leaves, the more I realize that I am saying goodbye to a part of MYSELF. I thought I was angry at others, deserved to be. Hah! It was displaced anger at a narcissist-ME.
I don't offer my experience as a prescription for you. Your anger may well be justified. We are all the same and we are all different. Sobriety is no cure-all. But I think that sanity reveals what is real and what is not. I have a lot to work on, but my sense of what that is is far different than a few months ago.
I still retain some anger and some grief. That I "failed" at being "normal. That I can't enjoy a glass of wine or a beer. But, like a legless man, I accept it. Can't change it. I am powerless. Surrender happens...
warren
Anxiety King
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 403
Bandit, I'd like to offer you some advice to help, but I'm in the same boat as you. I figured when I quit, the anger would go away. And maybe it has a little (the constant anger). But I still have periods where I go a week completely angry (like this past week with my coworkers). And the crazy part is, I kinda want to be angry.
member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ohio
Posts: 20
I was and sill am a passive person, but when I stopped drinking, and like you, I became angry when I first began my recovery. And lost my job because of it. I was a chef that never yelled. Not many of us in that field of work can say that. Yet I also was usually drunk or high.
Emotions will be something that you will in encounter in a whole new way in sobriety. To help you find out why you are becoming easily upset you will need to take some time to look at yourself. In AA they use a tool of "inventory". Really this is a process that helps you identify many things in your life but anger is one of them. I say this because with the irritability you are having can be identified when it happens and you will be able to correct it. I in a sense police myself.
I can say after the months I have been sober I am much comer in tense situations and don't hold on to anger nearly as long. It is a process.
Emotions will be something that you will in encounter in a whole new way in sobriety. To help you find out why you are becoming easily upset you will need to take some time to look at yourself. In AA they use a tool of "inventory". Really this is a process that helps you identify many things in your life but anger is one of them. I say this because with the irritability you are having can be identified when it happens and you will be able to correct it. I in a sense police myself.
I can say after the months I have been sober I am much comer in tense situations and don't hold on to anger nearly as long. It is a process.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
I think that anger as "a feeling" is ok, it's what happens if/when you 'act on' your anger that sometimes brings trouble. Look at your anger. What is causing it? Is it anger at not being able to live as you used to do? That is, drinking? Hanging out with old friends? Anger can be productive if it makes us react to something unjust, react to "fix" it. But if it's anger toward yourself and you take it out on someone else (or on yourself, as in self-injury or self loathing) then it's hurtful and needs to be dealt with in a different manner. I don't know what's causing your anger but you may know. Look at your anger and find out where it's coming from. You may have issues you never were aware of cause the alcohol drowned them out, covered them up. Poop doesn't stink if you're unable to smell it... a stupid analogy, but true.
:ghug
boy that was a stupid analogy! but I can't think of a better one right now...
:ghug
boy that was a stupid analogy! but I can't think of a better one right now...
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
the book says that: to live we have to be free of anger. the grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. they may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for us alcoholics these things are poison.
seriously Bandit - it's tough dealing with emotions we used to drink away - anger bought me back to the bottle more than once....but you can get through it...
more to the point, and this Big Book quote nonwithstanding (it's hardly the full picture btw), I realise it's ok to feel now - it's not going kill me
I've never met anyone free of anger....as long as we don't let it rule us, and we accept that we can't drink it away and look to more positive resolutions, we're feeling and living and IMO doing recovery right
best of luck
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: on the moon
Posts: 944
Originally Posted by Toomutch
When I say "it's OK to be angry". I mean it is OK to be angry right now. I am not suggesting that anyone live there life in anger. I am simply suggesting that anger as an emotion is "OK".
We need to feel our emotions not sweep them under the rug.
Obviously if the anger became constant, than other measures would need to be taken.
We need to feel our emotions not sweep them under the rug.
Obviously if the anger became constant, than other measures would need to be taken.
I obviously hadn't understood what the book meant. I'd understood that they were saying that we shouldn't ever be angry, not even for a moment.
Now i'm enlightened in regards to this.
Thanks. :ghug
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
well I'm not an AAer Aldo - although I've read the BB I may have missed something...
but it seems common sense to me we all get angry from time to time...even Jesus chased the money changers out of the temple
the BB's right in suggesting it can be a major trigger - I think the trick is to find new and better ways to deal with it
D
but it seems common sense to me we all get angry from time to time...even Jesus chased the money changers out of the temple
the BB's right in suggesting it can be a major trigger - I think the trick is to find new and better ways to deal with it
D
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
twice I have almost picked up a drink in 19 yrs.I was angry both times and I just didn`t give a dang.
If I had it I would have drank it.I was sober when it happened and I could not blame my anger on my drinking.I got back into the steps hard and made as many meeting as I could,took a 30 day leave of absence from work and went to work on my spiritual condition.Have not been angry like that since.
If I had it I would have drank it.I was sober when it happened and I could not blame my anger on my drinking.I got back into the steps hard and made as many meeting as I could,took a 30 day leave of absence from work and went to work on my spiritual condition.Have not been angry like that since.
FreeSpirit
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Inside My Spirit
Posts: 1,274
Hi:Bandit I could Identified with Smoking Pot just to medicate certain emotions in my Life, and I also could relate when you said that there was no amount of marijuana that was enough to give you that same feeling, and you turn to booze, this Disease is progressive in all its stages, and about your Anger I could relate to that to, when I was mandate to go to and outpatient program, the counselor told me where do I get so much Anger from, and I didn't understand what he saw in me I just taught thats how I'm but 
was I wrong,that same day they lock me up in a psychiatry word drove,for spacing out on a patient in group meeting,I was sharing and they didn't give me my respect when I was sharing, and they where rude and just kept braking the meeting by having there own conversation, and I found it Rude, and told it like it is, and all Hell broke loose,and to top it of I had just seen the psychiatry that same Day, and he, and the Hall Staff, saw it as me been a menace to Society,and they all waited for groups and lunch to be over. I Remember hanging around a little much longer in the outpatient Program in the Computer area, and thats when I was call to go down stairs and there they where all waiting for me the Director,my Counselor,two cops, and two paramedics, ready to lock my ass up in the loony bend,so you see Bandit its not worth it to let that side manifest, even do I have to Admit that it all work out for a reason, those two days I was in observation that was the day I was Diagnose with the Bipolar Syndrome, which in a way it was a good thing so now I know my problem, we just got to look for the solutions,Oh Listen if you go on top of the site of S.R you are going to find whats call Social Groups Click on it I made my own Group its call "Anger Management" tune in.Bless&B-Bless 
was I wrong,that same day they lock me up in a psychiatry word drove,for spacing out on a patient in group meeting,I was sharing and they didn't give me my respect when I was sharing, and they where rude and just kept braking the meeting by having there own conversation, and I found it Rude, and told it like it is, and all Hell broke loose,and to top it of I had just seen the psychiatry that same Day, and he, and the Hall Staff, saw it as me been a menace to Society,and they all waited for groups and lunch to be over. I Remember hanging around a little much longer in the outpatient Program in the Computer area, and thats when I was call to go down stairs and there they where all waiting for me the Director,my Counselor,two cops, and two paramedics, ready to lock my ass up in the loony bend,so you see Bandit its not worth it to let that side manifest, even do I have to Admit that it all work out for a reason, those two days I was in observation that was the day I was Diagnose with the Bipolar Syndrome, which in a way it was a good thing so now I know my problem, we just got to look for the solutions,Oh Listen if you go on top of the site of S.R you are going to find whats call Social Groups Click on it I made my own Group its call "Anger Management" tune in.Bless&B-Bless mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Hi Bandit -
Many have already said this but I wanted to lend my support and applaud you for being strong and recongnizing the anger while still being committed to sobriety.
I've definitely experienced the onset of new emotions that I'm not very happy about. I was numbing myself with alcohol for 25 years. If my feelings of self-loathing reared their ugly head, I would drink more and that tackled the problem. Little did I realize I was only making it worse, letting it build and build and build. So I've got a big mountain of crap to deal with now. And I feel like a freak. But, hey, I'm sober. And for some reason, I am absolutley certain I made the right decision and I'll just work my way through all this crap with the help of my sponsor, AA, and my therapist.
And I hope you do too. Good luck to you and stay sober.
( :
Many have already said this but I wanted to lend my support and applaud you for being strong and recongnizing the anger while still being committed to sobriety.
I've definitely experienced the onset of new emotions that I'm not very happy about. I was numbing myself with alcohol for 25 years. If my feelings of self-loathing reared their ugly head, I would drink more and that tackled the problem. Little did I realize I was only making it worse, letting it build and build and build. So I've got a big mountain of crap to deal with now. And I feel like a freak. But, hey, I'm sober. And for some reason, I am absolutley certain I made the right decision and I'll just work my way through all this crap with the help of my sponsor, AA, and my therapist.
And I hope you do too. Good luck to you and stay sober.
( :
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: canada
Posts: 23
thank you for your replies with each one of your replies I have learnt something after 40 years of using I guess I shouldn't be surprised with the mammoth amount of negatative emotions I am experiencing. The blaaness, the anger,emotions, feelings that I wasn't really aware of. Now I realize that I chose drugs and alchol as a means to supress my anger, resentments.
ananda I was drinking the poison and wishing the other person would die from it.
1963comet pin pointed my anger? no I haven't pin pointed my anger it seems like its such a big part of who I am right now and if you mean where or what caused it probably my dysfunctional childhood, etc etc not one event or one person caused this anger just my life and what I did and what happened to me.this would be what warrens means by "baggage"
SF69 I know it feels good to be angry especially at co-workers
M Jordon sorry to hear you lost your job because of anger I can see that happening to me not in one or two big explosive blasts but just my bad attitude on the job. I think I hold on to anger.
least I got your analogy I have anger towards myselves towards others anger its everywhere
Dee I see know how anger has ruled me in the past I can see I drank or smoked my anger away but I am not going to do that this time no matter what. I feel this time I have identified what made it easy for me to drink I didn't want to feel like this angry annoyed down in the dumps I will look for more positive resolutions
bballdad you took a month off of work to work on your spiritual connection I need to think about that long and hard.
I have never been so open about my negative feelings or so honest. I hope I am not scaring you people away. I hope I am not so awful that I get asked to not reveal so much.
ananda I was drinking the poison and wishing the other person would die from it.
1963comet pin pointed my anger? no I haven't pin pointed my anger it seems like its such a big part of who I am right now and if you mean where or what caused it probably my dysfunctional childhood, etc etc not one event or one person caused this anger just my life and what I did and what happened to me.this would be what warrens means by "baggage"
SF69 I know it feels good to be angry especially at co-workers
M Jordon sorry to hear you lost your job because of anger I can see that happening to me not in one or two big explosive blasts but just my bad attitude on the job. I think I hold on to anger.
least I got your analogy I have anger towards myselves towards others anger its everywhere
Dee I see know how anger has ruled me in the past I can see I drank or smoked my anger away but I am not going to do that this time no matter what. I feel this time I have identified what made it easy for me to drink I didn't want to feel like this angry annoyed down in the dumps I will look for more positive resolutions
bballdad you took a month off of work to work on your spiritual connection I need to think about that long and hard.
I have never been so open about my negative feelings or so honest. I hope I am not scaring you people away. I hope I am not so awful that I get asked to not reveal so much.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: canada
Posts: 23
thank you mle-sober that is what I have been doing numbing myselves you have summed up my whole situation I am shocked how well you put it, I feel like a freak thank you so much for saying that. I am willing to work thru my crap sober too.I am going to get into a program and take some councilling as well, maybe I should start with ANGER MANAGEMENT.thank you once agai mle.
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,793
Its important to identify our emotions so that we know rage is rage and anger is anger and frustration is frustration not rage or anger ...
It takes some time to deal with all this new stuff but with support its doable.
Kevin
It takes some time to deal with all this new stuff but with support its doable.
Kevin
Today's Muse
Join Date: May 2007
Location: West end
Posts: 1,081
I carried all this resentment around for years. It was the same ole chit. I would drink to forget, but would stew and stew on the issue until I became consumed by it and alcohol. My solution wasn't working to well. It obviously made matters words. My sponsor suggested I right letters to the ones I held so much anger toward. I let it all out in these letters. They were never sent and the persons never saw them, but talk about cathartic. It really helped and my anger has lifted. It really is amazing that once you set your mind on something, you can change things.
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