Screw up
 

Surprise Surprise. I drank last night. And let me tell ya, I paid the ultimate price for it this morning--hangover from HELL. I mean, I don't remember EVER getting as sick I was today just from drinking. It was horrible. I couldn't do anything today but lay on the couch, and get up involuntarily to barf. My body was still trying to get rid of stuff that wasn't there. Yeah, dry heaving is always fun. I had to call my boyfriend finally, and he came home from work at 12 so he could help me with our daughter. Pathetic. I mean, if this isn't a sign that sobriety is what I need to stick with, then I don't know what is. It kinda makes things easier when I wake up feeling so awful, because I know I don't want to feel like that ever again.

The reason I even decided to drink last night, was because my friend wanted to hang out and drink. I was feeling kinda down about the fact that she's my best friend, and people suggest I get new (sober) friends. I dont want new friends, I want my same old friends. I think I was just rebelling against sobriety so I could hang out with her. I know I can't be around people who drink and expect myself to not drink. This part is going to be a huge struggle for me.

It had been almost 8 whole days without a drink, and I was drinking those beers so fast, and was already thinking about the other beer at my house, as I was finishing the beer I brought to my friends. I could just feel myself losing control with every sip. I didn't even think I was really drunk last night, but of course I was. I bet I drank 8 beers. Ugh.

Hi,

Yes, it's hard. And, it can take a lot of changes in early recovery, in order for it to work. I had to get rid of a few toxic people from my life, including a family member. I had to accept things about myself that I didn't want to accept, in order to be able to begin recovery. But, you can do this.

I couldn't be around people drinking alcohol for a long time after I stopped drinking, and I still don't do it very often. I don't want to.

TFC: I too can relate, some of my dearest friends are also heavy drinkers (imagine that) but when you love someone, it's hard to let them go. SO I don't know about you, but I got desperate enough to look some of them in the eye and say, "It's a night of fun for you, but a matter of life and death for me." Kind of puts it in perspective for them. I don't think you have to ditch your friends as long as they are respectful of your situation. There are still fun things to be done sober such as going to movies, using the money you've saved from not drinking to treat yourself and a friend to a fabulous dinner, playing board games, or just going for coffee. I can tell you that it is interesting to get to know people again without the aid and lubrication of alcohol. Some of them you'll still want to hold dear, and others you might see in a totally different light. 8 days is a really impressive stretch. I hope you don't let one relapse hold you back. I don't know if you go to any group meetings but if so, maybe you can bring a close friend with you so they can kind of get an idea of the scope of the problem. I do wish you luck!

TFC

Are you SURE that was the reason? It is my experience that the reason for drinking comes from within me. By attributing my drinking to something external makes me powerless over more than alcohol. And that is too scary. I'd have to stay in bed all day.

Every relapse brings with it new knowledge, I think. They can make us more powerful. Not over alcohol, but over ourselves. While I don't have proof, I'd be willing to bet that most with rock solid recoveries didn't get there on their first attempt. There is too much "learning" that needs to occur.

I am confident that you will do well, TFC. I'm not going to tell you what to do and not to do. Except for this: learn from it. Ask yourself, "What do I know now that I didn't yesterday?" If you do that I think you will have an even stronger recovery than if you hadn't relapsed. Learning is defined as change that occurs over time. What will you change? Or will you do the same thing over and over and...

I think I know what you will do. You didn't get where you are without learning.

Get up, dust yourself off, and do something different.

Best to you!

warren

I also relapsed over the last two night. Today I feel so horrible. A guy said a meeting the other night that the drinking was the easy part, but it was the time in between drinking that was a problem for him.

The throwing up is your body suffering from Alcohol poisoning. It really does suck.

I kept away from places and people who had alcohol in thier lives for my first year. After that I could handle.

The relapsing has got to stop for me. I am so upset with myself. And I'm mad that I am wasting an entire day just laying in bed.

Try to do your child a favor and never ever drink when she is with you. It is not fair to her to see you act that way.

Hugs from me to you..

"Time for Change" when its it going to be the Time for you to change, I don't know, nobody knows only you know the answer, but let me tell you something, dry and cut, this is not a game of hide, and go seek, this is your life we are talking about, you said on your thread that the Hangover you feel was enough to make you understand that you need sobriety, I don't believe you cause hearing your storied reminds me allot of mines, just for today I wont drink, because I was trying to get over from the hang over of either two days ago, or a week ago, and then when all good was well,and my bodied recover from the bingen of last week or 3 days ago,I was on my marry way either with a fake friend or my siblings or by my self this disease is compulsive headiest, and cunning, and sneaky, when are you going to realize that this disease is not playing with you, the more you feed that "Monkey that Bottle" the more progressive it will get, you are playing "Russian rude let", with your life, and oh by the way don't make excuses for you wanting to get wasted,you are and addict don't you forget that, is not your friend, or anyone, that makes us drink, is the compulsive behaviors that come along with it, now that you have all this 411(info),witch I'm pretty sure you where aware of it in barriers times before,I'm hoping that you will reconsider,and Think about it. .((((((((((Life is a Gift from God to you what you do with it is Gift to God))))))))))) . http://i285.photobucket.com/albums/l...nkerbell_5.gif .

that scares me!
i havn't spoken to anybody new in 7 months since i've been trying to get better. in fact i believe i've had a total of about 5 significat conversations in the past 7 months :(

Butterfly, i like your russian roulette metaphore. I'd never thought of it that way, yet one of my all time favriot songs is called Russian Roulette (by The Lords Of The New Church)

Butterfly hit it on the head. When I was hung over or in shame, I would swear off drinking. Hangover over, I feel better! Where's that next drink? Now when I feel that way, I swear it off, only for today, and so either a reading, go to a meeting, or read SR.

When I relapsed, my family would always find out, or my lover, there was no hiding it from anyone with me. It was hard, because not only did I feel guilt and shame for all the dumb sh*t I did, I got my balls broke by my family and ex g/f.

The fact of the matter is, for the mess I have gotten myself into over the last three years, no one sane would continue to drink or use.

Guess what - your not alone. I relapsed, and many other people relapse when trying to get sober. We are alcoholics, we drink, it is in our nature.

The question is, what do you want to do about it? Recovery is a process that does require effort on your part. What are you going to change to lessen your chances of a future relapse? What are you willing to do to remain sober?

Try answering those questions, pick yourself up and try again - you are alive so it is not too late to stop drinking.

I agree with what everyone else has said: dust yourself off and try again, and, what did you learn from it? I'm really happy cause I've got thirteen days in today. What I learned from my last relapse (I made it to 11 days) was that I'm too impatient to keep starting over in accumulating sober days. Now when I'm farther along than I've been in the last year, including rehab, I'll be damned if I have to start all over. Tomorrow will be two weeks, my best time, and I don't want to ruin it.

so get up, dust off, start again, and learn from it.:ghug2