lostnspain

today i will not drink..i drink maybe a glass of wine a night..im usually to tired to drink when i get home from work. But if i can I will drink at lunch ,,you know spain has its famous 3 hour lunches,,but i know my liver is not filtering the alcohol because with one or 2 glasses of wine i can feel as if i drank a bottle..
i have to change my mind set...i want to move back to america..but im afraid. To me that is strange, I came to Spain not knowing Spanish.
I have been here and stayed because the people in Spain arent so critical. It´s easy to be in your own world here,,which probably has hindered me. I really feel like a little girl..at 53. I dont want to take care of myself. Isnt that crazy.
Does this mean I will be alone the rest of my life because Im broken and I will not know how to have a man that is good for me?

Conez

big Hello Lostnspain WELCOME to SR!
think most here @SR are trying to change mindset.
as with most life changes they're accompaned with fear, anxiety n the such...
this is warm and caring community, we share n genuienly try to cope with the overwhelming issues together.
Lost n learning, growing almost like being a child again with innocence to learn over and change our way of thinkin with hope of living without hinderence to our well being, peace n happiness.
i don't think u are broken, just need a lil mend... one thing at a time, one day at a time
my wishes are with u, peace for today:ghug3

barb dwyer

nope.

BUTTERFLY-7

Anna

I'm glad you're here.

It does seem like addiction stops us from maturing and evolving as grown adults, that's for sure. But, that doesn't mean you can't continue to grow from this point. You have the moment and you make a choice to recover.

ImJulie

ola princessa! Ok...thats my bungled-up spanish...lol
Welcome!
You'll find lots of great people here. Im glad you're here.

dave47

Welcome Lostnspain.
Browse through the other sections of SR, there are always those to discuss all your concerns with, best wishes.

Captain Kirk

hi!
welcome aboard! lots of nice people on here with lots of good advice and wisdom to share.
take it one day at a time.
good luck.

lostnspain

Ok ..I just wrote a lot here and i touched one of the keys and it all disappeared..puff.
I don´t remember what I wrote,,except ...
It is good to know that I´m not the only one going through this, and not the only thinking this way..not the only one who has/had an abusive bf. I´m not the only one trying to climb out of this hole..and there is more help in America when I get back.

The first step message told by Sandy Beach is very very good. I could identify with most of it. Of course, I was laughing so hard at times because of the reality of what he was saying.
I wish I wasn´t so tired,,but I know that will change. Thanks again everyone for your reponses.

Tazman53

Lost when you get back to the states I highly reccommend going some where to hear him speak, Sandy originally got sober just north of where I live now and then moved down to Fredericksburg where I do live...... sadly he then moved to Fla. before I got sober, but a lot of folks in my area including my sponsor knows him personally. I went to an AA get togather in Virginia Beach this past year where he spoke, the man has an excellent message. My sponor introduced us, he is just as awesome in person as he is on the CDs.

lostnspain

I would like to hear more of his ...meetings. Just listening to him gives me a lot to think about.. .it seems more real when someone talks about it verses me reading it..it´s a little dry for me to read right now. I don´t know if it is because I don´t hear anyone speak english except for my students or I can apply it easier to my life..(HMmm, now I´m over analyzing).

I´m more patient with myself today.

Rodney

Welcome lost in Spain,
Oh I so wish I could visit Spain someday.
I know how you feel and I standing right beside you, lets take the journey together!

Rella927

Welcome to SR LostNSpain! Glad that you found us! Please keep posting

CarolD

Hi again...

Here is a site for AA speaker tapes..

XA-Speakers - The lights are on!

RK2007

Hi there and welcome. There is always hope and I'm glad you found this forum - you'll find lots of support here and maybe even some new ideas from the people here to maybe help/encourage you to begin to tackle some of the stuff in your life that you're unhappy about.

Tazman53

Lost in early sobriety listening to speakers and going to meetings is how I got by, I too read the BB, but what I found was in early sobriety I just could not seem to grasp what was being said in the BB, after I was sober a couple of months things in the book seemed to start to make a bit more sense and even more sense when I was reading it and talking about what we were reading with my sponsor.

tennis71

Welcome! SR is a good cross section of the sober fellowships that you can find out in the world. I am not sure about Spain, but they seem to be all over the place here state side.

You don't have to be alone no matter what. Also, have you checked with a Dr. to see if our liver is functioning properly? Just a thought.

Thanks for your post and welcome!

lostnspain

Hello all ..and thanks..
I feel like a yo yo. I´m lucky I have the job I do..and that my students love me...
I have a nice warm place to live. I will be going back to America very soon.!!!!!
I havnt drank for days...I guess I should remember what day....but i notice when i want to drink..how im feeling..so i was self medicating..
Here you can buy almost anything over the counter. So I can go online and get a name of a prescription drug and then i give it to the pharmacist and i would buy it..usually for not more then 10 euros..and most of the time less. I use to find an anti depressant and then buy it to help me..the last one was prozac and it helped but it made me feel as if i was a zombie ..i like to dress feminine ,,dresses and heels. but when I took this i had no creativity. I know it was better then feeling up and down minute to minute..but I stopped because i was getting headaches.
I don´t know why I said all that..
When I say I´m going to do something ..It doesnt always happen.. I want to go to the doctor to have my liver checked.

lostnspain

I just lied to my son...I hate being alive.....It is easy speaking the truth here because you don´t expect me to be ok... I´M SCARED TO GO BACK to america..
i told him I had a car,,,when actually Im borrowing one. I´m absolustely crazy..people here think im crazy i think im crazy..i know for sure in america i will be crazy..I will end up under a bridge wishing some how i will disapear. I don´t want to do this.
It hurts and I just want to disapear.

lostnspain

Im scared