I am the new guy, Jeff
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 6
I am the new guy, Jeff
Hello, my name is Jeff and I am new to this online forum. I am also new in recovery......AGAIN! I've lost all, but not hope and I am looking for new options for staying sober. I have been through rehab after rehab and I could write a book. But the disease of addiction keeps sinking it's hooks into me. For whatever reason, just going about it in the "traditional" way never works for long. I don't connect with my sponsor, I always have an excuse for doing something different than a meeting. And then I am back where I started- worse off than before. That is why I am excited to find this. I can get on here anytime!!! I don't have to drive!!! No excuses!!!!
I have hurt the people who love me (I know everyone can relate). I am scared, lonely and ashamed. All I want is sobriety, dignity and to be the person I am supposed to be and that I want to be.
Thanks for being here, everyone. If you can-I'd sure appreciate any prayers. For me and for those I love.
I have hurt the people who love me (I know everyone can relate). I am scared, lonely and ashamed. All I want is sobriety, dignity and to be the person I am supposed to be and that I want to be.
Thanks for being here, everyone. If you can-I'd sure appreciate any prayers. For me and for those I love.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Flint MI
Posts: 4,455
Hello Jeff and welcome to SR and you are correct.....we are all here seeking recovery of some sort or another.......skip around......look around post ask questions.........we are a family here.....as for suggestions........one day at a time hell one moment if need be!!!!
Good Luck and God Bless!
Pamm
Good Luck and God Bless!
Pamm
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
Welcome Jeff!
Love Your Name, GodsSonJeff. That's says quite a bit about you. I'm so glad that after all you've been through, you still have Faith in God. Everytime that I decided to give this Sobriety Stuff one more try, yes, I was a lot worse than I was the time before, and each time I was madder and madder at God. I thought He had desserted me long ago.
I think that's why I love "Footprints" so much.
Kinda feel that it was secretly written just for me.
I had been in and out of treatment for many, many years before I "finally got it" By the Grace of God, I will be celebrating three years this summer!
We're not Motel 6, but we always keep the light on here. Someone's always home!
God Bless & Thank God . . . Just for Today
Judy
Love Your Name, GodsSonJeff. That's says quite a bit about you. I'm so glad that after all you've been through, you still have Faith in God. Everytime that I decided to give this Sobriety Stuff one more try, yes, I was a lot worse than I was the time before, and each time I was madder and madder at God. I thought He had desserted me long ago.
I think that's why I love "Footprints" so much.
Kinda feel that it was secretly written just for me.
I had been in and out of treatment for many, many years before I "finally got it" By the Grace of God, I will be celebrating three years this summer!
We're not Motel 6, but we always keep the light on here. Someone's always home!
God Bless & Thank God . . . Just for Today
Judy
*Grateful*
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,619
Hi Jeff, and welcome! I prayed for you. This forum has been a great help for me as well. Visit often, post often, read even more often! I have hurt a lot of ppl too. I am next door in WI.
Blessings, Sheila
Blessings, Sheila
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 6
Thank you so much-You all rock!
I am going in the morning to check into options for a relapse program. No insurance, so I am at the mercy of the Bueracracy(sp) ! Wherever God puts me, right? My biggest issue is and has been, for a long time, abandonment (orphan kid, best friend died, etc.). Total candidate for a "case study" of some sort. Anyhow, I relapsed about a week ago and my fiance found out after she had promised that if it happened again-I was out. Well, we talked, I offered to leave, she said I should stay because of financial issues and such. Anyhow, she is also in recovery. Strong beautiful woman who has 3 years. I am making dinner and last night in walks her sponsor and informs me that I am leaving and all my stuff is either going with me or going in the garbage. She brought some other women and they basically stood there, wouldn't let me talk to my fiance and told me to leave even though I had no place to go and it was 10 pm. I am hurt, confused and angry. Angry first and foremost with myself-I used- but also mad that her sponsor comes in and takes over the situation. Later my fiance tells me in a text that her sponsor wouldn't let her go home alone. I understand that she is trying to look out for her sponsee and friend, but that seemed overboard. Especially after my fiancee had ASKED me to stay just the day before after I had arranged a place to go and everything. I am confused. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED? And now she called a friend of mine and asked for me not to call, but I can text. My voice is hard to hear and her sponsor told her she can't talk to me. I haven't had anyone to talk to, so I am venting. Thanks to all who have bothered to listen. I just lost my fiance, my best friend, my home and my job (car broke down so fiance was driving me to work) in a matter of an hour. Still shocked. And all because I used. And I wish I could be bitter and just hate my fiance. But all I want is to hug her.:ghug3 DAMN! I am 33 and she is the first woman I have been in love with. What the hell to do? The addict in me will sabotage anything good, special or beautiful in my life. I know...:chatter....enough!!!!! Thanks..... I really need friends right now.
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
Jeff, I'm sure you are no stranger to what I am about to say:
Keep it Simple & One Day at a Time
Yes, you have had a great deal happen over the past several days. But first and foremost, concentrate on you and your Recovery. The relapse is what began this downward spiral so you have to get yourself on an even keel and I think it's a great idea about looking into some type of treatment in the morning. I don't have insurance either, but I was able to find everything I needed for my Recovery without any. Be persistent and most of all, remember that God does answer Prayers. The answers may not be exactly what you wished for, but He will see that you get the help that you need.
Take this One Day at a Time. Nothing is going to change in the relationship department over night, I seriously doubt that. Her Sponsor sounds pretty determined on making sure that she doesn't let you come right back into her life at this moment in time. Maybe that right there is God working in a way that you don't necessarily want, but need. Perhaps God is using her Sponsor's determination to see that you aren't defocusing on the relationship and not working on you!
You obviously have some demons to work on, so I highly encourage you to work on you and then, work on the relationship.
Jeff, I will Pray for you, (even though you share my exhusband's name lol) I'm just very thankful to see that you still have faith in God. With God, all things are possible.
Take Care and remember, baby steps until you can walk!
Hugs and Prayers,
Judy
Keep it Simple & One Day at a Time
Yes, you have had a great deal happen over the past several days. But first and foremost, concentrate on you and your Recovery. The relapse is what began this downward spiral so you have to get yourself on an even keel and I think it's a great idea about looking into some type of treatment in the morning. I don't have insurance either, but I was able to find everything I needed for my Recovery without any. Be persistent and most of all, remember that God does answer Prayers. The answers may not be exactly what you wished for, but He will see that you get the help that you need.
Take this One Day at a Time. Nothing is going to change in the relationship department over night, I seriously doubt that. Her Sponsor sounds pretty determined on making sure that she doesn't let you come right back into her life at this moment in time. Maybe that right there is God working in a way that you don't necessarily want, but need. Perhaps God is using her Sponsor's determination to see that you aren't defocusing on the relationship and not working on you!
You obviously have some demons to work on, so I highly encourage you to work on you and then, work on the relationship.
Jeff, I will Pray for you, (even though you share my exhusband's name lol) I'm just very thankful to see that you still have faith in God. With God, all things are possible.
Take Care and remember, baby steps until you can walk!
Hugs and Prayers,
Judy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Cluj-Napoca,Romania
Posts: 3
HI,and welcome Jeff
I think,that you're in the right place,and that's the best for you!
If you really want to keep your sobriety try to stay near an AA groupe and pray!
God know what you're need and HE will show to you the way,just trust HIM
I wish to you a serene sobriety!
I think,that you're in the right place,and that's the best for you!
If you really want to keep your sobriety try to stay near an AA groupe and pray!
God know what you're need and HE will show to you the way,just trust HIM
I wish to you a serene sobriety!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 6
thanks again
Those of you willing...would you say a prayer that I am able to get into the program that I need to tomorrow morning? And please pray for my fiance, too. As hurt as I am I know she is having a hard time with this, too. Still is a part of me that wishes I could hate her, though!
But I love her and I want to be the man both she and i deserve me to be! Your all awesome!
But I love her and I want to be the man both she and i deserve me to be! Your all awesome!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
As you are in a city...
if I were you ...I'd be knocking on the
Salvation Armys door.
They have several adult recovery programs.
You would have food and shelter +
medical supervision and a fresh start on recovery.
JMO
if I were you ...I'd be knocking on the
Salvation Armys door.
They have several adult recovery programs.
You would have food and shelter +
medical supervision and a fresh start on recovery.
JMO
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Welcome to SR Jeff, amazingly sad where our addictions take us, you have my prayers and support. The Salvation Army as Carol suggested may be just the ticket in the short term, you will need to be thinking long term as well, recovery programs work just as well as we work them, half measure avail us nothing.
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