I am scared
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 14
I am scared
I am attempting to stop drinking today.
I am not sure if I am an alcoholic, but my father is recovering (31 years,) and my brother is also (10 years.) My drinking does not interfere with my work; I never miss days or anything like that, and while it hasn’t wrecked my marriage, I’m sure some of the arguments I’ve had with my wife have been fueled by the sauce.
I drink between 6-8 beers a night, mostly on the sly. I’ve been drinking like this for three years or so with few nights off. There is beer in the fridge, but I often buy more and drink it when my wife is not in the room or whatever. She knows I drink but has no idea how much. I know she would be worried if she knew how much I drink.
My biggest issue is that I think about drinking when I’m not and always am wondering if I have enough at home. Like I need to plan where I'm going to get it and when I will drink it. When I’m at functions, I tend to drink a lot – pound a beer or take a shot when everyone else is in the living room and I'm acting like I'm just getting another drink. Two is better than one, right?
Like I said, I’m not sure if I am a full-blown alcoholic, but I do crave it. I am scared that I can’t stop, I’m scared of the drive home knowing that I have to pass the places to get more and I’m scared that I won’t have the strength to pass them by and go home.
Any thoughts or advice for the first day?
I am not sure if I am an alcoholic, but my father is recovering (31 years,) and my brother is also (10 years.) My drinking does not interfere with my work; I never miss days or anything like that, and while it hasn’t wrecked my marriage, I’m sure some of the arguments I’ve had with my wife have been fueled by the sauce.
I drink between 6-8 beers a night, mostly on the sly. I’ve been drinking like this for three years or so with few nights off. There is beer in the fridge, but I often buy more and drink it when my wife is not in the room or whatever. She knows I drink but has no idea how much. I know she would be worried if she knew how much I drink.
My biggest issue is that I think about drinking when I’m not and always am wondering if I have enough at home. Like I need to plan where I'm going to get it and when I will drink it. When I’m at functions, I tend to drink a lot – pound a beer or take a shot when everyone else is in the living room and I'm acting like I'm just getting another drink. Two is better than one, right?
Like I said, I’m not sure if I am a full-blown alcoholic, but I do crave it. I am scared that I can’t stop, I’m scared of the drive home knowing that I have to pass the places to get more and I’m scared that I won’t have the strength to pass them by and go home.
Any thoughts or advice for the first day?
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
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Hi and Welcome,
Only you can decide if you are an alcoholic or not. But sneaking drinks in private and buying more alcohol to replace what you've drunk are signs of alcoholism. So, is obsessing about drinking and having it always on your mind. When I tried to control my drinking, I was constantly thinking about when I could next drink, how much, where. It was actually such a relief to finally say 'Enough'.
Have you talked to your dr? Detoxing from alcohol can be very dangerous.
My advice on Day 1 is change your routines. It really helped me to go home a different way, don't pass by the same stores. Plan to be doing something else at the time you would have been drinking. For me, I started going outside after dinner and going on a long walk. Small things can help to get you through the early days.
Only you can decide if you are an alcoholic or not. But sneaking drinks in private and buying more alcohol to replace what you've drunk are signs of alcoholism. So, is obsessing about drinking and having it always on your mind. When I tried to control my drinking, I was constantly thinking about when I could next drink, how much, where. It was actually such a relief to finally say 'Enough'.
Have you talked to your dr? Detoxing from alcohol can be very dangerous.
My advice on Day 1 is change your routines. It really helped me to go home a different way, don't pass by the same stores. Plan to be doing something else at the time you would have been drinking. For me, I started going outside after dinner and going on a long walk. Small things can help to get you through the early days.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 14
Thanks, anna. I've gone days without drinking (didn't mention that in the first post) and there are times when I don't crave it, but it seems like I do all the time.
During these times I am fine and do not show any bad effects from not drinking... the doctor route might be a good one for me just to be sure, though.
During these times I am fine and do not show any bad effects from not drinking... the doctor route might be a good one for me just to be sure, though.
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: TX
Posts: 542
Hey welcome to SR. I can remember hiding my stash from the wife. I remember drinking enough to juice me up good before she got home then continuing to drink at a normal pace after she got home. If she was in the shower I would grab the bottle and suck some down. It seemed like any opportunity I had to drink secretly I did. The problem is when it got out of hand and I could no longer wait till she left or was in the other room. It was at this point that she got the shock of realizing just how much I was drinking.
Yeah my wife freaked out when she found out.
I agree with anna, make changes to your regular patterns. The best chance for success is to do something other than just not drinking. Something needs to take the place of it. Keep us posted.
I know she would be worried if she knew how much I drink.
I agree with anna, make changes to your regular patterns. The best chance for success is to do something other than just not drinking. Something needs to take the place of it. Keep us posted.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: England
Posts: 1,733
Hello Wandering, that all sounds very familiar. Try all the usual, moderating and only allowing yourself a certain amount. Also try to only drink at certain times. If all attempts fail then you have to accept that you have a problem. Definitely changes to your routines might work and would avoid the triggers, best wishes to you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 14
Thanks for the advice, dave47.
With my pop there was a lot of bad stuff and even worse behavior (missed work, parking on the neighbor's lawn and puking on their driveway) and with my brother is was a lot of the same. Both became uber-violent when they drank, too.
Dad got sober through AA; brother did it on his own.
I'm going to do my best and see where it takes me.
With my pop there was a lot of bad stuff and even worse behavior (missed work, parking on the neighbor's lawn and puking on their driveway) and with my brother is was a lot of the same. Both became uber-violent when they drank, too.
Dad got sober through AA; brother did it on his own.
I'm going to do my best and see where it takes me.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
Wandering
I'm not going to get into definitions. I think you probably already know, anyhow.
What I can say about me is, that alcohol changed my behavior in similar ways to yours. Planning, hiding, stashing, purchasing, disguising.
Well, anything that causes me to do stuff like that constitutes a problem. "Normal" people don't do that. If it were food or porn or even exercise to the extreme, it would be a problem.
Seven weeks sober, I see now what I couldn't before. Anything that I have to "manage" isn't good for me. It can easily (like alcohol) become unmanageable.
warren
I'm not going to get into definitions. I think you probably already know, anyhow.
What I can say about me is, that alcohol changed my behavior in similar ways to yours. Planning, hiding, stashing, purchasing, disguising.
Well, anything that causes me to do stuff like that constitutes a problem. "Normal" people don't do that. If it were food or porn or even exercise to the extreme, it would be a problem.
Seven weeks sober, I see now what I couldn't before. Anything that I have to "manage" isn't good for me. It can easily (like alcohol) become unmanageable.
warren
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 14
Thanks, I think I have a problem and I want to stop it before it gets any worse. I do not want to hurt those around me and I certainly do not want to get any worse.
And I'm just not healthy anymore. I still go to the gym and stuff, but it's not the same as it was a few years ago.
And I'm just not healthy anymore. I still go to the gym and stuff, but it's not the same as it was a few years ago.
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Originally Posted by wandering 
Thanks for the advice, dave47.
With my pop there was a lot of bad stuff and even worse behavior (missed work, parking on the neighbor's lawn and puking on their driveway) and with my brother is was a lot of the same. Both became uber-violent when they drank, too.
Dad got sober through AA; brother did it on his own.
I'm going to do my best and see where it takes me.
With my pop there was a lot of bad stuff and even worse behavior (missed work, parking on the neighbor's lawn and puking on their driveway) and with my brother is was a lot of the same. Both became uber-violent when they drank, too.
Dad got sober through AA; brother did it on his own.
I'm going to do my best and see where it takes me.
Why don't you go with your dad to an AA meeting.
6 to 8 beers a night is quite a few.
You said, when you're not drinking, you're thinking about drinking
Red flags go off in my mind over this statement.
A social drinker doesn't dwell on drinking 24/7
Try not drinking for a few weeks see how long you can go without a drink. If, the urge is overwhelming talk to your dad about going to a meeting instead of picking up a drink.
Chances are, your folks know you're drinking habits. Kind of hard to be around someone that isn't drinking and not have them smell booze on your breath or, notice your actions from drinking.
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Join Date: Apr 2008
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Originally Posted by CAPTAINZING2000
Try not drinking for a few weeks see how long you can go without a drink. If, the urge is overwhelming talk to your dad about going to a meeting instead of picking up a drink.
I don't consider myself a social drinker... I don't think about it all of the time, either. I just don't want to drink anymore and I'm afraid to fail at not drinking, if you get what I'm saying.
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Join Date: Apr 2008
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Originally Posted by CAPTAINZING2000
What people said around the tables just made sense to me about what drinking did to them and was doing to me!!
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 14
Day one and a half and I feel great. Took a different way home last night, had a run with the dog, went to the supermarket with no feelings to buy anything other than grub, had an awesome night with my wife (hubba hubba) and woke up feeling a million times better than before this morning. No fuzzy feeling, no headaches...
I feel good and I am committed to making this work.
I feel good and I am committed to making this work.
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
Hello Wandering,
Sooner or later you will cross the boundaries of FUN, IN CONTROL DRINKING to a total loss of control...This is a disease of progression...These statements are only true if you are alcoholic...
As others have said only you know if you are alcoholic...My opinion is it appears that you have some difficulty with drinking...
Thinking of you...
Sooner or later you will cross the boundaries of FUN, IN CONTROL DRINKING to a total loss of control...This is a disease of progression...These statements are only true if you are alcoholic...
As others have said only you know if you are alcoholic...My opinion is it appears that you have some difficulty with drinking...
Thinking of you...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 14
Hi, all. Still moving forward on day three. Feel great, sleeping well and so on.
It's amazing how much time there is to do quality things and get to bed on time when you're not wasting it drinking.
Last night the wife went out to see some friends - a perfect time to have a few beers. Nah, cleaned the house and wrote a little bit of a piece I'm working on, something I've been meaning to write but was doing other things.
or is it now?
Thanks for the words and support.
It's amazing how much time there is to do quality things and get to bed on time when you're not wasting it drinking.
Last night the wife went out to see some friends - a perfect time to have a few beers. Nah, cleaned the house and wrote a little bit of a piece I'm working on, something I've been meaning to write but was doing other things.
or is it now?Thanks for the words and support.
Helping Others, Helps Me
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: North Dakota
Posts: 481
I definitely find myself occupying my time a lot better now that I am free from the grips of my drinking.
I totally see myself finding the joy in things a lot better now and not being in the haze....I realize in my bouts of sobriety I have had, that I HATE being hungover.....
I totally see myself finding the joy in things a lot better now and not being in the haze....I realize in my bouts of sobriety I have had, that I HATE being hungover.....
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