Suzzle

Hi,

I've just joined and am on my 9th day without drinking.

I have been quite a heavy drinker for the past few years, drinking at home as well as when out. I was probably drinking about 10 bottles of strong white wine (12.5%) a week.

I have tried to cut down on many occasions using both willpower methods - first I tried just not drinking so much in one evening but I found that harder than not drinking at all. Then I tried it from another angle - instead of cutting down the amount I drank in an evening, I cut down the amount of days I drank, deciding I would only drink at weekends. That resulted in me spending all week looking forward to the weekend, and not surprisingly, my good intentions only lasted 3 weeks. In the end I'd drink nearly every night, spending all day looking forward to the evening when I would drink. I looked forward to going out, because I could drink more.

The final crunch was a week ago last Saturday (29 March) when I went out with my husband and friends and we all got drunk, but I made a complete fool of myself. I couldn't remember our journey home at all, and I've had blackouts on quite a few occasions. I knew that the only answer was to quit completely and permanently, but the thought terrified me.

However, after an initial few days of severe depression, I am already feeling much better, but the thing is, it's been helped by the fact I haven't gone out anywhere so haven't been around people drinking. I know socialising is going to be the hardest part. I have burnt my boats by telling all my family and friends that I'm quitting, and they are all proud of me, so there is no way I'm going to be tempted to drink again - I'd hate myself, and I couldn't enjoy drinking anyway, because I'd be overwhelmed with guilt. Therefore, my fear of being around other drinkers is not that I will be tempted, but that I will feel 'left out' and miserable. This is always how I have felt when I've been around people drinking, but haven't been able to because I was driving.

I know I don't want to drink again, but I don't want to abandon my social life either. Virtually every time me and my husband go out as a couple, we use taxis, and meet drinking friends at pubs. He is fully supportive of me giving up drink, he knew I had a problem, as did everybody else. He enjoys drinking, and could match me drink for drink when we went out, but it just didn't seem to affect him much. It's not a problem for him, as he just drinks when he goes out, and quite happily drinks tea when at home. I wasn't able to do that.

I would love to hear from any of you who had this same fear when you first quit drinking, but later found being around other people drinking didn't bother you. If so, was it just something that happened in time, or was there a defining moment that made you change your view?

Thanks

CAPTAINZING2000

Drinking stopped me from having control over my actions.

Can you go out with friends and avoid the pubs??

It's very hard to be in a drinking atmosphere while every one is drinking and not want to drink yourself

supernothing

hi and welcome to you,
not sure if i can offer you any advice, but your story sounds extremely similar to mine, infact it pretty much COULD be mine.
Im new aswell and here on day 10 (similar time scale to you too)
Ive found this forum fantastic, it really helps so much to know youre not the only one experiencing all this.
I hope you manage to stay stopped, ive had a few failed attempts but this time im focusing on acheiving sobriety rather than *giving up drinking*
Keep posting, id love to hear how youre doing.
Good luck.

wandering

I like that very much!

Rella927

Welcome to SR Suzzle! Glad that you found us! Keep up the awesome job-

4MY3

Hello and welcome I feel like im in a similar boat too, my man smokes dubbie not much of a drinker but he uses. Part of me feel's it would be alot easier if we were both totaly clean. I was on 7 days but I dranks on Sat nite and forgot the ride home too. now Im starting all over again I keep hearing from every one to get help, its very hard to do it alone. and as for going out thats just gunna be tough unless your friend choose not to drink with you, It could happen. Thanks for sharing and keep us posted I send hope your way

Stacey

Free to Be

Hi Suzzle.
I was once in the same place as you are now and I know things can get better if you allow it to happen.
One thing is for very sure - we can't do it alone.
AA works for me one day at a time.
Here's their link for meetings in the UK:
aa-uk.org.uk/
All the best and much success.

sailorjohn

I still don't hang with people at social events that revolve around drinking. I have attended social events where there was drinking. For starters, what seemed amusing or cool or funny when I was drinking comes off as pretty pathetic when I'm sober. I attended a xmas party where alcohol was present, I wouldn't attend, wouldn't even think about it, the "wine and cheese" party. I rarely go to bars. The last time I went to a bar, after a regatta, I was miserable, not because I wanted to drink so much as the realization that I didn't belong there.


I try to follow the advice I heard once about going to 'wet' places.

If you go to the whorehouse enough, eventually you will get your **** wet.

sailorjohn

So sorry, almost forgot:


WELCOME!!!!!

least

Welcome! We can travel this road together - I'm also on my ninth day sober. I can't relate to the socializing thing cause I never drank in bars or when away from home. But I would imagine that one would have to be sure to stay strong in resisting any urges to have "just one". Good luck to you. We can do this together.:ghug3

Suzzle

I just want to say 'thank you' to everyone for the welcome and for your advice.

Definitely it helps to be in contact with people going through the same.

nogard

hi Suzzle and welcome to SR

adore79

Welcome!!

CarolD

Hello and Welcome!

I was single when I decided to finally quit drinking.
Everyone I knew also drank excessively.
Our social interaction was in our large apartment
building and in bars.

I did tell my friends I was not drinking.
I asked them to not invite me to party.
They thought I was nutso....

Around 6 months sober...I did re-start
old friendships. How odd! Remove the
alcohol and we had little in common!

When I joined AA I found new friends
who shared my healthy lifestyle and goals.

Recovery Rocks...

KaliGirl

Hi Suzzle,
I have been through this before.. (I am two days now, and feeling ok). I have learned through my experience that the only way to maintain sobriety is to avoid the people, places and things that triggered the urge for a drink. When avoided them, I was unaffected and was able to meditate my urges away. But, once around them, without fail I relapsed. Perhaps I was not so serious about sorbriety and am placing blame here? Nevertheless, it may benefit you (at least for now) to avoid, avoid, avoid the people, places and things that the drunk you is used to until you are in a better place. I know that's my plan. I wish you the best of luck in your sobriety. K.

CarolD

KaliGirl ....Hi and Welcome!

Suzzle

It's funny you should say that - there are friends I have met only in the pub, and I've been able to chat to them effortlessly when drinking. On the occasions I've been driving and not had a drink, I haven't known what to say to them. However, with my friends that I've made through non-drinking situations, I can chat effortlessly with them without a drink - and you've hit the nail on the head - it's because our friendship developed because we had things in common, not because we were drinking together. After a few drinks, it's very easy to feel you've 'made a connection' with somebody else who has also had a few, even though in reality, you've got absolutely nothing in common.

Luckily the friends I have outside the pub are all extremely moderate drinkers, so drink isn't important to them. They have all been worried about my drinking and are 100% behind me quitting, giving me support and encouragement. One of them wants to start an exercise regime, as I do, so we've started cycling together.

Congratulations on your quitting btw!