JustOleMe

I am an addict (crack) who had over a year clean. Recently relapsed and am having trouble staying sober. The couple of other times I attempted to post were long and incoherent. Keeping this short.

When using I see where I'm headed and don't want to go there. Can make a couple days sober, but do nothing except sleep. Responsibilities are neglected, so rationalize using to get things done. I know I can't keep going like this. Drug testing at work will catch me.

My mind is in a fog. Using clears it enough to realize I'm headed for destruction. When in withdrawl, I convince myself using is the way to keep going and not lose anything. If I can stay clean through the worst part of withdrawl, think I will be ok. How can I remember this when in withdrawl?

My situation is much more complicated than what is here. Am I deliberately sabatoging myself? Deep down inside do I really want to throw it all away? I want to think its because drugs have taken over and I will make better decisions once they are out of my system. Having a hard time getting there.

Anna

Hi,

One way to remind yourself that it's worth it to get clean, is to come back and read these posts. It's hard to get through the withdrawls, but you can do it. You had over a year clean, and you can do it again.

I did sabotage myself, most definitely. I would get a few days sober and begin to see the possibility of a good life, and I would mess things up. I was more afraid of succeeding than failing. I had no idea what I would do or how I would live life and deal with real feelings. Try to convince yourself that you deserve a good life. You do!

gravity

From this alcoholics perspective..the answer is no. That's your addiction trying to keep you down, to keep you doubting yourself. You had over a year clean (great work by the way) so you know what's possible. If you need some time to rest to get through the first few days, then go for it. Right now, your #1 priority is to get better. As Anna said, you deserve a good life. Believe in yourself. D

JustOleMe

Yes, I must remember withdrawl is only temporary. It's worth a few days of discomfort to get sober. Being clean is much better than this dark pit I'm in now. My life was improving and now I'm right back where I was a year ago. Actually, it's worse now, because I may lose my job too.

It's nice knowing there is help if I need it. If there are no meetings nearby or no one answers the phone, I can come here. When all else fails, my Higher Power will give me the strength to make it. All I have to do is ask.

I've done it before and can do it again. Today is the day. I'm even putting tomorrow's date in my profile as my sobriety date. There are a few more chores to do, then I will catch up on some much needed rest.

Goodnight

dave47

Best wishes JustOleMe,`
there are always helpful folk for you here so hang in there.

sailorjohn

I don't anyone's situation is complicated, I think as addicts we like to think that there is something about our situation that makes it complicated. Makes it harder to stop. Yeah, I do think we sabotage ourselves, and not when things are going badly, usually the little voice pops up when things are going well. You have to remind yourself that the little voice is a pathological liar, and it does want to kill you. Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of wisdom and support here.