I'm afraid
 

to tell my wife I need help....she's been through so much...we have an autistic son and he's such a handful....she doesn't deserve my s*** on top of everything else. You know, I'm a big guy 6 foot 5 230 lbs......I'm not afraid of much.....but.....I'm sitting here crying my eyes out....shaking....looking at my kids baby photos.....I love them so much.......I need a drink.....I NEED it....you know what I mean I'm sure.....what am I gonna do......I don't know what to do.....I need my family's help

:praying LISTEN ROBZOLOFT I COULD I.D. WITH YOU BUT TO BE HONEST SITTING THERE FEELING SORRY FOR YOUR SELF IS NOT GOING TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM TAKE A MINUTE IF YOU HAVE TO CLOSE YOUR EYES AND THINK ABOUT ALL THE GOOD LIFE IN RECOVERY HAS TO OFFER U THIS IS A DISEASE AND IS NOT PLAYING PRAY TO GOD HE WILL GUIDE YOU OPEN YOUR HEART TO HIM HE WILL LEAD YOU THE DEVIL IS A LIAR HE CAME TO ROB STIIL AND CHEAT US OUT OF EVERRY THING GOD HAS FOR US AND IF YOU DONT BELIEVE IN A POWER GREATER THN YOUR SELF GET HELP SOME HOE GO TO A PROGRAM YOU CANT TAKE CARE OF OTHERS IF YOU CANT TAKE CARE OF YOUR ADDICTION B- EAZYhttp://i285.photobucket.com/albums/l...8/images-9.jpg

hang in there Rob. if ur afraid to ask ur wife for help... there are others u can ask. if u make it less personal by askin a professional or AA member for help n start progress, then it may come easier to ask for ur wifes support in a day or few time... when u get that direction u know needed for yourself.

in my experience i had to choose recovery for myself, help seemed like being antagonised or pushed.... once i decided what was needed for me (with dr's advice n readin @SR) i didn't ask i TOLD my partner what i was going to do for me... it was then their choice to support it or whatever.
u can do this for u, altho her support is desirable its not vital.
just my train of thought.

you WANT a drink...you dont NEED a drink...what you need and want are totally different things...you NEED to not drink and be there for those kids...and that wife and that family... they NEED you.

if you WANT to lose the desire to drink...then you NEED to get to a meeting right away.

Tell her Rob. That's what marriages are for to be there for one another. The sooner you tell her the sooner you get help and get well. What's the alternative killing yourself - fast or slow - same end result a total disaster! Tell her, get help, get help - millions have you can too!!!

Cathy31
x

Do you think your wife doesnt know you have a problem?
Do you think your wife isnt wishing you were in recovery rather than still drinking?
I'd be willing to bet your wife prays every night for you to get help.

Im praying for you friend.

Rob, it would be nice to have your family's help, but you don't need it.

You know what you need to do and you can do it.

Hi Rob, :chatter

I am sure your wife knows...we are the last ones to admit we have a problem with alcohol. When I was pressured by my husband or told I drank too much, I would just drink all the more.

I had to want to get sober for myself and myself alone...with the help of my doctor & AA. I didn't have a computer when I sobered up but if I would have had a program like Sober Recovery I might have sobered up sooner.

kelsh

kelsh... i like the serenity prayer at the end of your post...and I LOVE the rest of it which I rarely hear anymore

"....That I may take this world as it is and not as I would have it...that I may accept hardship as a pathway to peace...and that I may be reasonably happy in this life...and supremely happy with God in the next. "

Love that second half...

Peace and respect

Mv2

Perhaps Rob needs to drink. If he has drank himself into physical dependency then he does need to drink. Sh*t, for awhile there I NEEDED to drink just to stay alive and function. Terrible I know.

If you are into physical dependency talk to your doctor, go to detox or try a rehab. Then take it from there. Get your system cleared out Rob, then use A.A., willpower and other means to keep sober. Just get it out of your system and start building the days.

Yea, it kind of sounds like you might need to go inpatient - at least go to your nearest hospital and ask what programs they have. Seek help. Now.

It doesn't matter what other people think of you or whether you feel like a burden to them. You need help and you know you need help. It's obvious from your posting. Go get help.

Hey Rob,

I am the wife of an ah. We have 2 kids and a very busy life. I work with ai kids, so I have an idea of the handful you are talking about.

Your family may be busy, but, they can support you, and that sounds exactly like what you could use right now.

As a spouse, the day my ah came to me and admitted his problem (that I already was MORE than aware of), and his desire for recovery/sobriety, was one of the best days in my life. Your wife and family might surprise you. Give them that chance. Don't you think they deserve your honesty?

Anyway, hang in there. You can do this.

discovery

Fruit. Chocolate. Mountain Air. Comedy show. Warm Bath. Punching Bag. Piece of Apple Pie (Warm and a la mode). Reading a story to your babies :) Making Love. Haircut. Pedicure. Swim. Chess. Rootbeer Float. Paintball. Massage. Fingerpainting. Darts. Martinelli's Sparkling Cider in a wine glass. Treehouse. Sunshine. A waltz down memory lane with your wife. Candlelit dinner. Golf. A mean game of Gin.

There are many alternatives to having a drink. When you feel you need one, try substituting with something else that you love. Or someone. Time in the presence, the warmth, the voice, the spirit of another that is part of this life decision, will remind you why you have made it.

I am no expert. I have just begun myself, but some of these things have helped me already.

Good luck and don't be down on yourself. None of us are perfect and your wife doesn't sound like the type who gives up. Especially not on the man she loves. :a194:

Afraid is good. So is desperate, so is pain. These insured that I worked a good program. If I'm comfy, I ain't gonna be making any changes :)

rob are you physically dependant ? ...do you- or are you in withdrawl...IE shakes and DT's in general...can you get up out of the chair and get to a Hospital or recovery in house treatment center ? I guess I wrongly assumed you were struggling with and asking for help with whether you should or should not drink right now...and not in some sort of stop watch race with DT's....so if you've got enough in you to not go into physical withdrawal in the next couple of hours...get going man...go chase recovery...I bet you can find it .

peace ,

Mv2

Hey, Rob. Stop for a second. Breathe, center yourself, whatever. Then think. Which Rob would your wife prefer? The one who continues to drink because he doesn't want to cause her any more pain by admitting he needs help (see the contradiction?), or the one who admits to her that he needs help, whether that be hers or someone else's? The Rob who, as a big guy, could do serious harm to himself or others, or the Rob who's seeking help so he can in turn become a better husband/father/etc?

You helped keep me focused in treatment, man, whether you knew it or not. I know you can do this, too.

1st - breathe. Then break your problem down so it is manageable and not overwhealming.

You have a desire to quit drinking. What are you willing to do to stop? You can even break it down into something smaller - What are you willing to do to not pick up a drink today?

You are in good company as alcoholism knows no racial, educational, social or economic boundaries. Anyone can be affected and this means that you are not alone, you don't have to do this alone and in fact, you shouldn't do this alone!

I encourage you to seek Dr. advice on detoxing if you plan to stop, and seek out advice and information from those who have been there - namely people on this forum, AA members, alcohol counselors etc.

Welcome and I wish you a long and wonderful recovery!

rob, been follow'n your road for some time...

IMO, might be rehab time, followed with a rock solid recovery program...

wad'a ya got to loose?

good wishes rob

rz

Can I share an experience? My sister was in an abusive relationship for 15 years but was too scared and ashamed to tell anyone. She finally gathered the courage to tell my parents. Within 24 hours, she and her kids were safe and he was in jail. Our family rallied around her and moved heaven and earth to make sure she was OK and got the help she needed. When someone you love is in desperate trouble, you don't waste time judging them, you just help. If my husband were in your situation, I'd be honored if he came to me for help. Really.

[QUOTE=reed;1724769]Perhaps Rob needs to drink. If he has drank himself into physical dependency then he does need to drink. "EXACTLY MY POINT IF IT GOTTEN THAT BAD TO THE POINT HE NEEDS TO DRINK BECAUSE IS A DEPENDENCY THE MORE URGENT IS FOR HIM TO GET TO A HOSPITAL NOT TO A LOCAL BAR, OR A LIQUOR STORE, ADVICE HIM TO GO ON AND TAKE THAT DRINK IS LIKE TELLING HIM HEY LETS PLAY RUSSIAN ROULETTE!!!!!!!!!!! IS NOT WHAT HE WANTS IS WHAT HE NEEDS.O.K. http://i285.photobucket.com/albums/l...8/images-3.jpg