I don't know what to do
 

I can't do this.....I can't. I keep f****** up and drinking and lying and scheming......I feel like I let everyone down....tay-lyn I'm sorry. I can't stop I just can't......I can't tell anyone I need help...I need help....I'm dying and I can't stop. I find myself thinking more and more about hurting myself.....I love my family....why can't I stop.....I have so much to be grateful for ....what the f*** is wrong with me

What is wrong with you?
Same thing as many of us....you're an alcoholic. :)
Its ok...its not a dirty word.
Im pretty new to recovery....so the only help I can offer you is this:
Get your butt to a meeting, and TELL everyone there what is going on in your head.
Scary? You bet!
Will they shun you....kick you out...hate you....laugh at you?
Not a chance.
They will love you until you can learn to love yourself.
:ghug3

Robzoloft -

I don't know what your situation is - but there is help out there. And there are people here who care deeply about you. Even though we don't know you. Because we know what it's like to be addicted and to feel despair.

Despair can be the beginning, if you let it. It was for me. I had to fall on my knees in my misery and despair and admit openly to my family and to my Higher Power that I could no longer keep going. I had to admit I was weak - completely powerless over my addiction - lying at every turn to try to cover it up. I begged God for help. And he helped me.

I went to AA and I found others like me. And I kept going back. And I counted each day as a marvel.

You can do this. Others have done it before you. You can do this.

I have said all those things to myself during my hard drinking days. I had to get control of myself, jeez man, I couldn't do it alone. All I did when I was alone was get trashed. I couldn't go through the withdrawl man, it was to easy to drink to make the pain go away. I had to go to treatment and get some sober time in away from my friends and family til I got comfortable.

All those feelings you have described, man, they go away. They really do go away once you stop drinking. You have to get some serious sober time under your belt. You have to break the cycle and it's hard to do. Once you get rolling though, you realize sobriety is a familiar path. I wish you the best of luck. It does get better and when you do get better you'll be like "what was I thinking?"

Break the cycle.

Well I'm an alcoholic and I used to feel like you did - daily!! Then I just sucked it up and did they what they suggested - went to AA, got a sponsor, worked the steps, went to meetings, did service...my life could never be better. Google the promises of AA...don't you want that instead of this?? Well if so - suck it up and do it! It's worth it.

Do you know that alcoholism will kill you if you let it. It would've gotten me - probably by my own hand. Do you want that, cause you're playing right into it right now. The end result IS death. and destruction to everyone who loves you. AA not such a bad alternative hey!?

Cathy31
x

Rob,

Why don't you consider an inpatient treatment at this time?

It concerns me a lot that you're thinking about hurting yourself. Take the steps you need to take to recover.

go to a meeting ASAP
 

You are not alone...there is a solution...you dont have to use...and you dont have to hurt yourself either...you are in control over wether or not you do either of those things...you are not being forced to drink...and no one is forcing you to hurt yourself...it's on YOU...take responsibility...its POWERFUL STUFF !

You CAN be strong...you CAN be sober...you CAN do this... this is the truth...and it's not to diminish the power of addiction...but dont be afraid... when you speak TRUTH to power...power reacts...thats all thats going on right now in your head...try this...(on the way out the door to that meeting right ? ) stop briefly and look in the mirror,,,speak the TRUTH to that person looking back at you...it will react ...but you can feel the POWER of not letting that addicts reaction...force your hand... yell at it loud...IM GOING TO A MEETING>>>YOU DONT RUN THIS SOW ANYMORE !

peace and respect,

miavin2

You absolutely know what to do....
I do hope you will finally surrender.

Prayers for your clarity

ROBZOLOFT:IS OK TAKE A DEEP BREATH FAILURE IS SUCCESS TURN INSIDE OUT,THINK ABOUT IThttp://i285.photobucket.com/albums/l.../images-11.jpg

if you have booze in the house ...you really need to get out of the house and to a meeting ...ad dont come back home without someone who knows what to do...ask someone at the meeting to come home with you and help you "clean house"

"I can't tell anyone I need help"

Drop the ego and pride and surrender, let go. Desperate times call for desperate measures and you are indeed in some desperate times. Go to rehab to break the cycle if you have too. Consider it a vacation from insanity and it will give you a big jump start on your recovery and life.

Good luck brother.

I'm with Anna Rob - if AA's not cutting it, it's time for inpatient.

As for not being able to tell anyone - Rob they already know. Trust me.

And Stayin's right - pride or death. Your call.

If you're not going willing to go to any lengths by now - any lengths - I doubt there's anything anyone here can say to you.

I'm not usually this blunt in these situations, but you've been here too many times Rob.
You need to do some really serious thinking.

You have to the power to stop this, but you have to reach out to do it.

Do it.
D

that 'bout sums it up, Dee74....

Rob it's time to surrender. What you have done has gotten you right where you are now.

By surrender I mean stop trying to do things your way. Stop listening to yourself and start listening to others. Listen to what has been told to you in this thread and do what people are telling you to do. It's that simple Rob. Just surrender your self will and let others help you. It's time to let go and let others show you the way to a better life.

Follow directions of recovering alcoholics who have sobriety and know how to keep it.

Thats what I'm doing and it has worked for 65 days so far.

Give it up bro.

Right there on pg 59 it says that Half Measures avalied us nothing. We stood at a turning point.
That means that you are at a crossroad where you have a decision to go one way or another. One way is certain doom and demise and the other way is a better life. Quit walking around in circles in the intersection.
The path you need to go down is a new one and understandibly scarry. Unexplored territory is spooky. Fortunatley it's not "Unexplored". People go down this road every day. Grab onto the beltloop of someone that knows the way and you'll be fine.
"Half Measures" means this is an all or nothing deal. There's no middle ground.
The sooner you get a grip on that, the better off you'll be.

Rob; I completely agree with Dee. Please re-read his post. He is absolutely right....you have to be willing to go to ANY LENGTHS. Anna is right too, an inpatient program is what you NEED. My heart breaks for you. But Rob, at this point, there is nothing we can do for you. If you don't GO TO ANY LENGTHS, you're going to die. You are having suicidal thoughts and you're killing your body with the drink.
Getting into an inpatient program may feel like you're giving up your life, but you have already done that. If you keep going like this, it is only a matter of time before you lose whatever you have left, financially, materialistically, physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc..
You have to do the right thing. Forget everything else. Get into rehab right now.
Tay