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Old 03-27-2008, 10:59 PM   #1 (permalink)
bona fido dog-lover
 
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just reached day four


and in the middle of a terrible panic attack. I fell into old habits and got a bottle of wine to dull the sensation of being on a runaway train. Now I have to start all over. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Panic attacks have never been so bad. I'm sorry for letting everyone down. I'm sorry for backsliding and letting myself down. what is wrong with me?? I want to stop but am so afraid of this constant panic. I'm sorry.
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Old 03-27-2008, 11:30 PM   #2 (permalink)
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congratulations on four days!

some of that panic .. is 'normal'...
you've mentioned in other posts you're tlaking to your doctor, so here's a few things to try/shop/ blast through ...

( I know when I'm panicking - I go through things pretty dang fast)

camomile tea
(if drinking doesn't work - pour directly over head- LOL)

watching golf tv
truly. does that NEED any more said?

cleaning
nothing -
NOTHING will put me to sleep faster than planning to CLEAN something.
ok. a presidential speech - but RIGHT BEHIND THAT ... cleaning.

find anything by Charlie Rose. (PBS)
my God.
That man could make the Second Coming of Christ ... boring.
awful. just awful.

another thing.

sometimes, I have to literally sit and tell myself my list:

I haven't talked to anyone.
I can't have done anything.
I haven't gone anywhere.
So I can't have done anything.

This is not me.
It's the detox.
It's the drug.

I am not my thoughts.
I am the THINKER ... of my thoughts.
I am ok.

Prayer works well for me too.

WHen I was on that medication - I had full - bore panics -
and man - they SUCK.

Anything I can do to help - I'm here.
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Old 03-27-2008, 11:39 PM   #3 (permalink)
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oh. I forgot one -

hot showers. Long, hot showers.
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Old 03-28-2008, 01:02 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I have them too... Usualy take 2-3 days to go away.

Maybe you can try running with the train instead of against it. this sometimes helps because after a while you will be thinking the same things over and over again and you can find a pattern and thus dismiss it as being fake.

One thing that helps me is sleep much sleep. And believe it is hard to fall alsleep when having a panic attac.

The only thing that actually makes is worse is alcohol...

Keep it up yr on the right path.
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Old 03-28-2008, 04:33 AM   #5 (permalink)
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What did your doctor suggest?
Are these panic attacks new?

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Old 03-28-2008, 05:30 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I've had panic attacks before, just not this bad and not this often. I HAD four days now I have to start over because I fell back into my stupid thinking. I'm so angry at myself for slipping. And having to start over. When am I going to get it right?? I'm sorry for screwing up. I will start over with today if I can just get past the panic.

Yes, I'm talking to my shrink but he will not prescribe ativan to calm me during these attacks. i've begged him but he won't. I am drinking chamomile tea but it doesn't help much. I'm a mess and don't know which way is up. I'm sorry.
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I'd rather live in my car with my dogs than live in a castle without them.

Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole.

Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It takes place every day. -Albert Camus

Find the good and praise it. - Alex Haley
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Old 03-28-2008, 05:44 AM   #7 (permalink)
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it's ok Least, hon.

*hugs*

folks are just looking out for ya.
You're ok.
no need to apologize.
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Old 03-28-2008, 05:56 AM   #8 (permalink)
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:ghug2

Try get a second opinion maybe from another doc, stuff like panic attacks really undermine your recovery and if you put it like that maybe another doc could help you out.

Why won't your doc prescribe anything, did they give you a reason?
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Old 03-28-2008, 06:34 AM   #9 (permalink)
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He won't prescribe anything like benzos cause they're so addicting. But I do'nt care, I just want to not drink and not have these panic attacks.:praying
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I'd rather live in my car with my dogs than live in a castle without them.

Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole.

Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It takes place every day. -Albert Camus

Find the good and praise it. - Alex Haley
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Old 03-28-2008, 07:04 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Least, keep at it and learn from your slips. Also, I know I've said it before, but don't be so hard on yourself. It's much better that you've gone four days sober than to have been drinking the whole time between slips.

Good luck with your Dr. regarding your panic attacks.
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Old 03-28-2008, 07:32 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Least,

I'm so sorry you are experiencing panic attacks. Listen to RK and find another doctor. If your drinking is triggerd by anxiety maybe you can get a prescription for something to calm you.
For now, a nice hot bath with a cup of sleepytime tea and a good book might help.
Suzette
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Last edited by Toomutch; 03-28-2008 at 07:33 AM. Reason: wrong wording
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Old 03-28-2008, 09:14 AM   #12 (permalink)
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I have to assume that your shrink is not a specialist in alcoholism or addiction, I would find one, I am beyond thankful that I was medically detoxed, I was at the point where I physically could not go one day without drinking.
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Old 03-28-2008, 12:00 PM   #13 (permalink)
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I know this sounds a little odd but you might try putting a rubber band around your wrist and snapping it whenever you feel a panic attack coming on. Try Googling "snapping rubber band for panic attacks" for more info. I've personally seen this really help. Might be worth a try. Good luck and hang in there.
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Old 03-28-2008, 02:33 PM   #14 (permalink)
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I will try it. I've been lying down most of the day watching Star Trek. That's so familiar that it often puts me to sleep. Just lying in bed with the dogs watching old Star Trek. I want this to go away. I hate feeling so hyper and nervous.:praying

Actually, my shrink is a specialist in addiction. He won't give me any benzos cause they're so addictive. So I have to do without. I've been taking some seroquel I had left over to calm down as seroquel makes me sleepy. I also have benadryl to feel drowsy. Anything to not feel so anxious.
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I'd rather live in my car with my dogs than live in a castle without them.

Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole.

Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It takes place every day. -Albert Camus

Find the good and praise it. - Alex Haley
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