At the end :(
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Rockaway Beach Mo
Posts: 10
At the end :(
've been here before and my recovery never lasted more than a few days. I have been drinking a fifth of whiskey every 2 days for at least 5 years. The reasons behind this are a long story so I won't bore you with that. 1 1/2 months ago my body swelled up ( stomach, legs and feet ) I gained 25-30 lbs. in 2 days. I went to the hospital and was diagnosed with Ascidies. After numerous tests I was put on water pills and lost the weight but sustained heart and liver damage. I quit drinking for a month and was told by a surgeon I have 3-5 years to live without a liver transplant. I also have Hepatitis C 
....anyways I gave up hope and have been drinking again for the past week ( stupid as hell i know ) I am gonna quit for good or die those are my only choices, but 3 years isnt a very long time to hope for I have 2 kids age 10 and 12 to raise so I realy worry about them more than anything. I am so depressed and sad It makes it sooo much harder to do the right thing. I have an appointment in 2 months for a transplant specialist but the clock is ticking, and the things I read about longevity after a transplant aren't all that encouraging... Anyways please pray for me and support me cause I have to do this this time...Thank you all I really appreciate it.
....anyways I gave up hope and have been drinking again for the past week ( stupid as hell i know ) I am gonna quit for good or die those are my only choices, but 3 years isnt a very long time to hope for I have 2 kids age 10 and 12 to raise so I realy worry about them more than anything. I am so depressed and sad It makes it sooo much harder to do the right thing. I have an appointment in 2 months for a transplant specialist but the clock is ticking, and the things I read about longevity after a transplant aren't all that encouraging... Anyways please pray for me and support me cause I have to do this this time...Thank you all I really appreciate it.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
hi mad.
wecome to soberrecovery.
there's a wealth of information here.
and a wealth of support.
well, then.
that's quite a first post you got goin' on there..
*pause*
so.
there ya are.
and here we are.
well.
that makes this...
a pretty important Easter, doesn't it?
what's your plan for this easter sunday with your kids then?
wecome to soberrecovery.
there's a wealth of information here.
and a wealth of support.
well, then.
that's quite a first post you got goin' on there..
*pause*
so.
there ya are.
and here we are.
well.
that makes this...
a pretty important Easter, doesn't it?
what's your plan for this easter sunday with your kids then?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Rockaway Beach Mo
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by barb dwyer 
hi mad.
well, then.
*pause*
so.
there ya are.
and here we are.
well. that makes this...
a pretty important Easter, doesn't it?
what's your plan for this easter sunday with your kids then?
well, then.
*pause*
so.
there ya are.
and here we are.
well. that makes this...
a pretty important Easter, doesn't it?
what's your plan for this easter sunday with your kids then?
We will color Easter eggs and they will hunt them and I will quietly cry while they are preoccupied
and I will begin my journey into not drinking once again.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
good.
good for you.
as alcoholics - we tend to focus on what WE ... are feeling.
you apparently .. are not being given that option.
I understand that better than you know.
I don't necessarily have that option either.
different reasons ... similar option.
well.. I guess you ARE ...
I mean, we *do* always ALWAYS have 'choice' it's Sacred....
I just don't see things the way 'average' people see things.
I see every day from this post on out ...
as a series of conscious choices you're being given.
you are being given the opportunity to choose ...
how you want to be remembered.
And far greater than that -
you are being gifted ..
the means and the TIME to make it happen.
now within that lies a decision as well.
will you make that a gift ... or a burden.
and if a burden ... on whom?
you have a LOT to think about and much to do.
and every day, every moment counts.
I'm glad you're thinking... and not drinking.
We're here to support each other,
and to help in any way we can.
Thank you for coming here.
If I can help at all... I will.
ps - maybe save the crying ... for later.
let the fun happen first.
see if it's stronger.
it usually ... is.
good for you.
as alcoholics - we tend to focus on what WE ... are feeling.
you apparently .. are not being given that option.
I understand that better than you know.
I don't necessarily have that option either.
different reasons ... similar option.
well.. I guess you ARE ...
I mean, we *do* always ALWAYS have 'choice' it's Sacred....
I just don't see things the way 'average' people see things.
I see every day from this post on out ...
as a series of conscious choices you're being given.
you are being given the opportunity to choose ...
how you want to be remembered.
And far greater than that -
you are being gifted ..
the means and the TIME to make it happen.
now within that lies a decision as well.
will you make that a gift ... or a burden.
and if a burden ... on whom?
you have a LOT to think about and much to do.
and every day, every moment counts.
I'm glad you're thinking... and not drinking.
We're here to support each other,
and to help in any way we can.
Thank you for coming here.
If I can help at all... I will.
ps - maybe save the crying ... for later.
let the fun happen first.
see if it's stronger.
it usually ... is.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Rockaway Beach Mo
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by barb dwyer
good.
good for you.
as alcoholics - we tend to focus on what WE ... are feeling.
you apparently .. are not being given that option.
I understand that better than you know.
I don't necessarily have that option either.
different reasons ... similar option.
well.. I guess you ARE ...
I mean, we *do* always ALWAYS have 'choice' it's Sacred....
I just don't see things the way 'average' people see things.
I see every day from this post on out ...
as a series of conscious choices you're being given.
you are being given the opportunity to choose ...
how you want to be remembered.
And far greater than that -
you are being gifted ..
the means and the TIME to make it happen.
now within that lies a decision as well.
will you make that a gift ... or a burden.
and if a burden ... on whom?
you have a LOT to think about and much to do.
and every day, every moment counts.
I'm glad you're thinking... and not drinking.
We're here to support each other,
and to help in any way we can.
Thank you for coming here.
If I can help at all... I will.
ps - maybe save the crying ... for later.
let the fun happen first.
see if it's stronger.
it usually ... is.
good for you.
as alcoholics - we tend to focus on what WE ... are feeling.
you apparently .. are not being given that option.
I understand that better than you know.
I don't necessarily have that option either.
different reasons ... similar option.
well.. I guess you ARE ...
I mean, we *do* always ALWAYS have 'choice' it's Sacred....
I just don't see things the way 'average' people see things.
I see every day from this post on out ...
as a series of conscious choices you're being given.
you are being given the opportunity to choose ...
how you want to be remembered.
And far greater than that -
you are being gifted ..
the means and the TIME to make it happen.
now within that lies a decision as well.
will you make that a gift ... or a burden.
and if a burden ... on whom?
you have a LOT to think about and much to do.
and every day, every moment counts.
I'm glad you're thinking... and not drinking.
We're here to support each other,
and to help in any way we can.
Thank you for coming here.
If I can help at all... I will.
ps - maybe save the crying ... for later.
let the fun happen first.
see if it's stronger.
it usually ... is.
Thank you Barb and I know what you are saying. I choose to have my kids remember me as a fighter rather than someone who gave up. I forgot what fun was many years ago sadly, maybe I can re-discover it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Rockaway Beach Mo
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by StayinAlive
i wish i had more than hugs and prayers for you. All i can say is make every day,every moment and every move count. For you and your kids live your life clean.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
good for you!
they'll show ya. they're kids.
they're all mired up in it right now.
watch what they do... then do it with 'em.
I know quite a few people with the HEP-C 'thing' going on and most of them have kids. it's tough to keep their focus... but when I see them lag ... that's where I try to take it back ... there's treatments for HEP C..it's not the 'sentence .. it used to be, stuff is happening all the time.
technically - there is only today whether we're healthy. wealthy or wise.
the trick is - what are we DOING with it.
I choose .. fun.
I have my days ...
but for the most part -
my choice is fun.
Hang out - read up on what you want there's others who'll be along to greet ya ...
we're a basically FUN lot here, some are more fun than others, but basically
it's a good group of people who are committed to helping each other the best we can.
they'll show ya. they're kids.
they're all mired up in it right now.
watch what they do... then do it with 'em.
I know quite a few people with the HEP-C 'thing' going on and most of them have kids. it's tough to keep their focus... but when I see them lag ... that's where I try to take it back ... there's treatments for HEP C..it's not the 'sentence .. it used to be, stuff is happening all the time.
technically - there is only today whether we're healthy. wealthy or wise.
the trick is - what are we DOING with it.
I choose .. fun.
I have my days ...
but for the most part -
my choice is fun.
Hang out - read up on what you want there's others who'll be along to greet ya ...
we're a basically FUN lot here, some are more fun than others, but basically
it's a good group of people who are committed to helping each other the best we can.
smileyologist and lord of bees
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: mourning smileys near you
Posts: 2,508
I've also read some great success stories of liver transplant patients on the internet, real people who now lead very normal/rewarding lives post-op.
I kind of obsessed over such stories when I was worried about what damage I might be doing to my liver through drinking.
You still have plenty of life left in you - if you continue to drink, you will not get a transplant it's pretty much as simple as that. You must stop for you and for your children.
They need to see that you're a guy who will make real good use of a new liver and not damage it with alcohol.
I totally understand (as a fellow alcoholic) your feelings of needing to drink, and I can't begin to imagine the pain of being in your situation right now - but from a neutral point of view, it's looks like a case of prioritising now; you stand a chance if you quit drinking, your kids will want their dad around and without drink you could be around for a long time if your receive your transplant.
Wishing you all the best.
I kind of obsessed over such stories when I was worried about what damage I might be doing to my liver through drinking.
You still have plenty of life left in you - if you continue to drink, you will not get a transplant it's pretty much as simple as that. You must stop for you and for your children.
They need to see that you're a guy who will make real good use of a new liver and not damage it with alcohol.
I totally understand (as a fellow alcoholic) your feelings of needing to drink, and I can't begin to imagine the pain of being in your situation right now - but from a neutral point of view, it's looks like a case of prioritising now; you stand a chance if you quit drinking, your kids will want their dad around and without drink you could be around for a long time if your receive your transplant.
Wishing you all the best.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Another "cat person" wishing you the best. I too wish I could give you more than hugs and prayers but will give you hugs and prayers from my heart. Best of luck to you.:ghug:praying:ghug3
No more merlot, more mamma
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
Hello..
I agree with what everyone has said. We here at SR are pretty cool..but have you thought about getting some face to face support? There are a ton of recovery programs out there. I know that right now it's probably a really scary thought for you..but do me a favor and put it in a small spot in your mind and see if it grows.
Prayers out for you too. Easter is a time of rebirth..let it signify yours!
Karen
I agree with what everyone has said. We here at SR are pretty cool..but have you thought about getting some face to face support? There are a ton of recovery programs out there. I know that right now it's probably a really scary thought for you..but do me a favor and put it in a small spot in your mind and see if it grows.
Prayers out for you too. Easter is a time of rebirth..let it signify yours!
Karen
No AA
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 259
I went to the hospital and was diagnosed with Ascidies. After numerous tests I was put on water pills and lost the weight but sustained heart and liver damage. I quit drinking for a month and was told by a surgeon I have 3-5 years to live without a liver transplant. I also have Hepatitis C ....anyways I gave up hope and have been drinking again for the past week ( stupid as hell i know ) I am gonna quit for good or die those are my only choices, but 3 years isnt a very long time to hope for
I'm so sorry for the things you are going through. I worry constantly that almost 27yrs of drinking are leading me to that path.
Please don't give up hope. You do have it in you to do this --- look at the person who wrote that post. You have a want in you somewhere that is strong. I know that there is that person in me too. She reads/writes here.
Focus on what you got and build on that. If a surgeon gives you 3-5 take it---do what you can to make it longer. Make your transplant a success and then see if you or medical science doesn't give you more. Anyways who is he to be telling you what vinegar & spit you have in you that won't let you live beyond 5yrs??
ps I'm a cat person too!
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