Need insight
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Need insight
I never really drank. But grew up in an alcoholic home. (Grams and Gramps)
Also my father was an alcoholic in and out of prison all my childhood.
My father has over 20 years sober.
Gramps is dead.
Grams quit 14 years ago but has a beer or a glass of wine every blue moon.
She would sometimes drink especially when I was running crazy in the street.
Her way of dealing with it i know.
Usually she can have just 1 or 2.
Yesterday she had me go get her a bottle of wine. I did because I thought she could just have one and that was it.
She closed herself in her room and I knew she was having more than 1.
I confronted her and said Please dont down the whole thing. I only got it so you could have one once in awhile.
I wake up this morning and she's talking to me slurring.
I said your drinking already? And she told me no. Got defensive and started putting the guilt trip on me for even saying that to her.
I go in and check the bottle and it is empty. 1.5 liters gone.
It was full last night minus one glass.
I told her I am the last one she needs to be fibbing to.
I never lied to her when I was high. Well about being high.
What worries me is that 3 of my little cousins and my neice had a sleep over last night here and she was drinking.
I am glad I was here and told her just go back in her room and leave it to me.
She drank this morning too. I woke up at 7:45 and she was slurring.
My grams would never pit them in danger. Shes not falling down drunk. But shes got a good buzz going on.
I dont know who she thinks she is fooling.
But also my family isnt stupid either. Thay always know too.
She was pushing my cousin to come get the kids. Had a few words with my step mother on the phone about then supposedly telling my neice she wasnt allowed to talk to me while she was here.
Due to what happened between me and my father.
So why send the kid here then?
Point is....Why is my grams lieing to me of all people. She knows I am not going to freak out on her. But when she thinks she is getting over on me and gets all mean and upset because I call her on it. I feel bad.
I know my grams like the back of my hand. As she does me.
And I really hate it when she pulls the guilt trip on me.
I am doing my very best in my recovery and she sometimes throws the past in my face when she has drank.
I think that is irrelevant.
My grams has been through alot all her life. And she would do anything for anyone in need. And she most definately has been through it with me.
But I dont like she lied to me about drinking more. Especially when the kids were here.
Now you know everyone is callinghere because their kids are here aand she is not good at hiding the fact she has drank. They wont say anything to her. They will all wait and start drilling me. I dont want to be put in the middle.
And I certainly wont tell them yes she has. They will al freak out.
I dont know...I told her I wasnt going to ever go do that for her again.
Right now I hear her talking to my aunt on the phone and I can tell my aunt is asking her questions. Just by what my grams is saying. Gras is saying she sounds like that because she took cold medicine.
SIGH..
This is a very rare thing but I still worry. And I hate that she lied to me.
And I want to add that at no point were the kids in any danger or neglect.
Am I being stupid?
Also my father was an alcoholic in and out of prison all my childhood.
My father has over 20 years sober.
Gramps is dead.
Grams quit 14 years ago but has a beer or a glass of wine every blue moon.
She would sometimes drink especially when I was running crazy in the street.
Her way of dealing with it i know.
Usually she can have just 1 or 2.
Yesterday she had me go get her a bottle of wine. I did because I thought she could just have one and that was it.
She closed herself in her room and I knew she was having more than 1.
I confronted her and said Please dont down the whole thing. I only got it so you could have one once in awhile.
I wake up this morning and she's talking to me slurring.
I said your drinking already? And she told me no. Got defensive and started putting the guilt trip on me for even saying that to her.
I go in and check the bottle and it is empty. 1.5 liters gone.
It was full last night minus one glass.
I told her I am the last one she needs to be fibbing to.
I never lied to her when I was high. Well about being high.
What worries me is that 3 of my little cousins and my neice had a sleep over last night here and she was drinking.
I am glad I was here and told her just go back in her room and leave it to me.
She drank this morning too. I woke up at 7:45 and she was slurring.
My grams would never pit them in danger. Shes not falling down drunk. But shes got a good buzz going on.
I dont know who she thinks she is fooling.
But also my family isnt stupid either. Thay always know too.
She was pushing my cousin to come get the kids. Had a few words with my step mother on the phone about then supposedly telling my neice she wasnt allowed to talk to me while she was here.
Due to what happened between me and my father.
So why send the kid here then?
Point is....Why is my grams lieing to me of all people. She knows I am not going to freak out on her. But when she thinks she is getting over on me and gets all mean and upset because I call her on it. I feel bad.
I know my grams like the back of my hand. As she does me.
And I really hate it when she pulls the guilt trip on me.
I am doing my very best in my recovery and she sometimes throws the past in my face when she has drank.
I think that is irrelevant.
My grams has been through alot all her life. And she would do anything for anyone in need. And she most definately has been through it with me.
But I dont like she lied to me about drinking more. Especially when the kids were here.
Now you know everyone is callinghere because their kids are here aand she is not good at hiding the fact she has drank. They wont say anything to her. They will all wait and start drilling me. I dont want to be put in the middle.
And I certainly wont tell them yes she has. They will al freak out.
I dont know...I told her I wasnt going to ever go do that for her again.
Right now I hear her talking to my aunt on the phone and I can tell my aunt is asking her questions. Just by what my grams is saying. Gras is saying she sounds like that because she took cold medicine.
SIGH..
This is a very rare thing but I still worry. And I hate that she lied to me.
And I want to add that at no point were the kids in any danger or neglect.
Am I being stupid?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Miamisburg, Ohio
Posts: 217
Hi Chiy,
Maybe she wasn't lying to you. Maybe she was just lying to herself. I know that when I was using, I lied and hurt people in so many ways. I didn't mean to hurt people, but I did just the same and I was the one that had to live with what I was doing.
I had to change my perspective. A new attitude and outlook on life is what I needed. I found that new perspective when I started worrying about and changing my actions and forgiving others for theirs.
You don't think your Gram lied because she wanted to cause you pain do you? Maybe she lied because she's in pain? Pray for her and love her, that is my advice.
God's Peace
Maybe she wasn't lying to you. Maybe she was just lying to herself. I know that when I was using, I lied and hurt people in so many ways. I didn't mean to hurt people, but I did just the same and I was the one that had to live with what I was doing.
I had to change my perspective. A new attitude and outlook on life is what I needed. I found that new perspective when I started worrying about and changing my actions and forgiving others for theirs.
You don't think your Gram lied because she wanted to cause you pain do you? Maybe she lied because she's in pain? Pray for her and love her, that is my advice.
God's Peace
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I know she isnt doing anything to hurt me.
I just dont know why she thinks she has to lie to me when she knows better.
She knows I am not going to judge her or give her crap about it too much.
I dont care if she has one every once in a while.
And when I let her know she isnt fooling me. She gets mad and I feel bad for saying anything.
I just dont want my cousins and especially my father coming here when they get the kids and see that something isnt right with her.
My father and his wife and my half sister alreay dont talk to me because I am an addict. Recovery or not. They dont want to see how far I have come. They dont care that I apologised a thousand times for saying what I said back in September when I was very angry and letting evryone know what I thought of them. Which wasnt really how I felt. I just angry they were treating my like I had some contagious deadly disease.
I dont want any of them seeing that she did have a drink. Because I know what they will say.
They think she shouldnt have anything ever. Because of her past drinking. And I understand that. But I also know she needs to unwind sometimes and that this is a very rare thing.
I guess the tables have turned. I just want to protect her from their conclusions.
She is laying down now. So hopefuly by the time my dad gets here she will feel better.
I just dont know why she thinks she has to lie to me when she knows better.
She knows I am not going to judge her or give her crap about it too much.
I dont care if she has one every once in a while.
And when I let her know she isnt fooling me. She gets mad and I feel bad for saying anything.
I just dont want my cousins and especially my father coming here when they get the kids and see that something isnt right with her.
My father and his wife and my half sister alreay dont talk to me because I am an addict. Recovery or not. They dont want to see how far I have come. They dont care that I apologised a thousand times for saying what I said back in September when I was very angry and letting evryone know what I thought of them. Which wasnt really how I felt. I just angry they were treating my like I had some contagious deadly disease.
I dont want any of them seeing that she did have a drink. Because I know what they will say.
They think she shouldnt have anything ever. Because of her past drinking. And I understand that. But I also know she needs to unwind sometimes and that this is a very rare thing.
I guess the tables have turned. I just want to protect her from their conclusions.
She is laying down now. So hopefuly by the time my dad gets here she will feel better.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: California
Posts: 14
you were one of the first to welcome me and i'll never forget that. thanks, thanks, thanks!!! and know that i'm thinking of you as you go through this emotional hurdle. you're a great communicator and i think it not only helps you but others as well. hang in there. take care of you 
you're an inspiration to me!
you're an inspiration to me!
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
I am sorry that you are presented with the struggle. By the way congrats on staying sober despite what your father, step mother, and step sister do or say. That is awesome and takes a lot of strength and courage.
You have gotten some wonderful feedback here. Personally I love and agree with parentrecovers and 51Anna.
You have gotten some wonderful feedback here. Personally I love and agree with parentrecovers and 51Anna.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
trish well trish, thats what we do...
trish, we cant play God, as we find out through misery and pain...
just keep being the best you can be, be available to grams as you do, and the rest is up to grams...
try not to let it eat you up, you know where it could lead...
xxooxxoo
rz
I just dont know why she thinks she has to lie to me when she knows better.
I dont want any of them seeing that she did have a drink. Because I know what they will say.
just keep being the best you can be, be available to grams as you do, and the rest is up to grams...
try not to let it eat you up, you know where it could lead...
xxooxxoo
rz
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
((((Trish))))
First of all Hon, I really hope you aren't doing what I THINK you may be doing.
I hope you aren't blaming yourself for this. I've gotten to know you pretty well (for an internet friendship) and it seems to me that you tend to think it's all your fault when something goes wrong. I really hope you aren't taking this on because of your ups and downs over the past several weeks. Just like no one could control you, you can't control Grams.
You have been given some great suggestions: Alanon and taking care of trish
A few things you said really stuck out for me. You mentioned in the Family history of alcoholism, that Grams had a drinking problem. If that's the case, I personally think it's not a real good idea for her to drink. I'm an alcoholic/addict and I know even if I need something to help me unwind, alcohol/drugs is the absolute last thing I need. You mentioned it was many years ago that Gram had the problem. Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. I know you love Gram dearly, you think the world of her. We know that. I imagine it's hard to think of Gram as an alcoholic.
I think you said that if the family asks if Gram has been drinking, you weren't going to say yes. I understand you not wanting to get in the middle, especially since your family sounds very unforgiving of you. But at the same time, since you want your family to realize that you have changed, I don't think continuing to lie to them is such a good idea. Lying to protect Gram from there rath could open the door for comments about how they were right, you haven't changed. You're still lying.
I imagine the reason that Gram is minimizing this to you is to protect you. She adores you as much as you adore her. I think she doesn't want you to worry about her. Just like you don't want her to worry about you. If it were me, I'd let her sleep it off, wait til the kids are all gone and then let Gram know how worried you are about her.
Trish, please, please take care of you. You can't fix Gram. You can't protect her from herself. I hope you understand what I mean by that.
You know I think the world of you.
God Bless & Thank God . . . Just for Today,
Judy
First of all Hon, I really hope you aren't doing what I THINK you may be doing.
I hope you aren't blaming yourself for this. I've gotten to know you pretty well (for an internet friendship) and it seems to me that you tend to think it's all your fault when something goes wrong. I really hope you aren't taking this on because of your ups and downs over the past several weeks. Just like no one could control you, you can't control Grams.
You have been given some great suggestions: Alanon and taking care of trish
A few things you said really stuck out for me. You mentioned in the Family history of alcoholism, that Grams had a drinking problem. If that's the case, I personally think it's not a real good idea for her to drink. I'm an alcoholic/addict and I know even if I need something to help me unwind, alcohol/drugs is the absolute last thing I need. You mentioned it was many years ago that Gram had the problem. Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. I know you love Gram dearly, you think the world of her. We know that. I imagine it's hard to think of Gram as an alcoholic.
I think you said that if the family asks if Gram has been drinking, you weren't going to say yes. I understand you not wanting to get in the middle, especially since your family sounds very unforgiving of you. But at the same time, since you want your family to realize that you have changed, I don't think continuing to lie to them is such a good idea. Lying to protect Gram from there rath could open the door for comments about how they were right, you haven't changed. You're still lying.
I imagine the reason that Gram is minimizing this to you is to protect you. She adores you as much as you adore her. I think she doesn't want you to worry about her. Just like you don't want her to worry about you. If it were me, I'd let her sleep it off, wait til the kids are all gone and then let Gram know how worried you are about her.
Trish, please, please take care of you. You can't fix Gram. You can't protect her from herself. I hope you understand what I mean by that.
You know I think the world of you.
God Bless & Thank God . . . Just for Today,
Judy
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
I don't have much to add really-other than I am really sorry you're going through this.I've read so many of your posts and I know how important she is to you.It must be so difficult to watch.I'm thinking of you and sending you hugs and prayers,
Julesxox
Julesxox
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Thanks you guys.
She slept for a couple hours and was fine by the time my dad got here to pick my neice up.
This is a very very rare event.
She probably wont have another drink for months.
It is hard to categorise how she drinks now. Befor eit was all the time. Then she went to binge drinking. Then she just stopped for years.
Now it is a 1 or a couple every 6 months or so. Sometimes it could be a whole bottle of wine or 12 pack every six months.
I was just wondering why she would drink when the kids were here. I am doing better than I have in soooooo long. And why she thinks she could fool me. Thats all.
It is noit a big deal really. I need some insight into the alcoholics mind. Because I feel an alcoholic doesnt tick like an addict.
I could be wrong.
She is good now. My aunt and uncle took her out to dinner and all is well again.
And my dad didnt tell my neice not to talk to me. My neice twisted it. He said not to bother me if I was sleeping.
I am so tired of this sharade with my father. It has to end.
Had a great fisrt day at the new job. Going to my cousins for Easter tomorrow and life is great to tell you the truth.
Thanks again all of you.
She slept for a couple hours and was fine by the time my dad got here to pick my neice up.
This is a very very rare event.
She probably wont have another drink for months.
It is hard to categorise how she drinks now. Befor eit was all the time. Then she went to binge drinking. Then she just stopped for years.
Now it is a 1 or a couple every 6 months or so. Sometimes it could be a whole bottle of wine or 12 pack every six months.
I was just wondering why she would drink when the kids were here. I am doing better than I have in soooooo long. And why she thinks she could fool me. Thats all.
It is noit a big deal really. I need some insight into the alcoholics mind. Because I feel an alcoholic doesnt tick like an addict.
I could be wrong.
She is good now. My aunt and uncle took her out to dinner and all is well again.
And my dad didnt tell my neice not to talk to me. My neice twisted it. He said not to bother me if I was sleeping.
I am so tired of this sharade with my father. It has to end.
Had a great fisrt day at the new job. Going to my cousins for Easter tomorrow and life is great to tell you the truth.
Thanks again all of you.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
Your post reminded me of one big reason to stay sober - I don't want my kids growing up with an alcoholic mother in an alcoholic home. It's hard enough to be a parent without alcohol making it far worse.:ghug TAke good care of YOU.:praying
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
trish from being on both ends, when i was useing drugs, my thinking was all twisted, and when i stoped useing drugs, and just drank, my thinking was all twisted...
trish, without get'n long winded, IMO...
aint no difference between the two...
we both do stupid things, we both lie, we both cheat, we both steal, and we both hurt...
others, and ourselfs...
xxooxxoo
rz
I need some insight into the alcoholics mind. Because I feel an alcoholic doesnt tick like an addict.
trish, without get'n long winded, IMO...
aint no difference between the two...
we both do stupid things, we both lie, we both cheat, we both steal, and we both hurt...
others, and ourselfs...
xxooxxoo
rz
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